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I can't function with or without adderall. i'm dying inside. This hole has been dug so deeply.

Guys thank you all. I've dropped a course 19 minutes before the withdraw deadline lol. Fuck. This is crazy. Thanks for the responses. Really. I was considering dropping it but this pushed me over the edge. Looking for the best this semester. I'll look into counseling. Don't want to start Rutgers off on the wrong foot. Scared for the future, hoping for the best. All of you are amazing.

I was off adderall for the summer. I started using it again this Tuesday. I went off to college for the first time a couple of weeks ago and felt completely overwhelmed by the workload. I am a beast on adderall and can pretty much maintain a 4.0. I can't take the effects of adderall on my social life. I am not all there. I am completely different. I have done well in school in the past without being on adderall but I can't muster up the courage to actually try that again. I am very good at procrastinating and putting things off and admittedly I don't have my mom pushing me along anymore to remedy that. I am almost positive that I will be getting a lower GPA. If it were only slightly lower, I really wouldn't care. For people who have gotten off of adderall while they were in school, how did you do after you stopped taking adderall? Should I take the risk and just see what happens? I HATE ADDERALL! FUCK! I really am so terribly addicted to it when I feel pressured. The pressure is everything. The rock and the hard place feeling is making me going fucking nuts. Guys :'( Where has my self-control gone?

MFA - I know I'm a little late to the discussion but personally I had taken adderall just as it was prescribed to me and I had become by all accounts addicted to it. I hardly ever abused it (though extremely rarely I did). It doesn't seem right to say that people who took it as prescribed (responsibly) could not have had the same experience as someone who took it irresponsibly. I feel that adderall was an extremely negative thing in my life that isolated me and gave me delusions. I was addicted to it just as anyone else on this forum was. It is still constantly in my mind. I understand why you might say that he has no place here telling people how to take it responsibly but I like to think that I did take it exactly as it was supposed to be taken and still had the same experience. Idk hopefully you see where I am coming from.

Ahh... the craziness of adderall thoughts.... Do I appreciate you writing them down before you quit? Yes, its a good reminder. It can never just stop. The thoughts are always churning. Everyday I kept taking adderall was one more day wasted.

hmm.. for FOUR years he didn't know you had a prescription? Since you guys are going to be getting married and all I would have to assume that it would be right to come clean since this is, I'm assuming, a significant event in your life. If he really loves you he can see past this. Did he say that he misses the old you? I don't think most guys really care whether or not a girl reads the newspaper or spends a little less time cleaning the house. As long as you don't come off as not caring about anything anymore, i.e. him, then I don't see there being a problem. He just needs to know what he can expect from you. You have come this far without telling him about Adderall and so if he tends to react strongly to things then I would say that you shouldn't mention it to him. I know people who just don't understand drug use but are otherwise rational people and if this is the case then I don't see there being a problem with contributing your change in behavior to something else and promising yourself that drugs will have no part in your life. Personally, I would want to know.

Hey Leila I like your profile pic its pretty awesome. I am about 3 months clean and I can say that I do find myself depressed and wishing that I could take adderall however this is typically when I am not keeping myself busy with something or with someone. It is also typically when I have not exercised for a while. In my opinion cold turkey is the way to go. I would personally rather get through the crappy shit quickly than dragging it out. If you are still taking the other medications then I, like Cassie would not recommend quitting them all at the same time... It might sound contradictory compared to my hardline approach on quitting cold turkey but in a sense, the other stuff is a crutch... One at a time.. Thats what I'm doing and I can't say I am cured but I'm clean and looking forward from it.. Set yourself up for success and you will go far. Don't plan anything when you need to quit. Make sure get good food, exercise, support from close friends/family if you need it. Countdown that week and a half like it is the amount of days until you can be unshackled from addiction. If it is at all possible, try and look forward to it. Btw nice profile pic.

Sorry I hadn't seen you respond. Sweet potato chips are just from my local grocer (ShopRite). They're tasty! They are probably fairly new because I only know of one brand that makes them. And I can't name it off of the top of my head... And that is interesting, I always thought that the whole point of whole wheat was that it didn't cause the same blood sugar spike. But I do see now that that is not the case..

quit-once- I'm not sure whether you have tried it or whether you are even interested but have you tried using wheat flour, wheat crackers, brown rice? Generally I find these to be full of energy and generally wholesome and filling. Also if you ever find yourself craving sugars I would recommend honey! Honey is a beautiful thing. Oh and sweet potato chips done in peanut oil (doesn't taste like peanuts) is also one of my favorites... Sounds like you're already choosing a very healthy diet though

wait so what happened with the legal issues that you had because of it? It sounds like it got pretty serious?

lol heather.. yeah my anxiety has definitely dropped to a level that I would consider normal. To me I always have thought of adderall as a chemical straightjacket. The euphoria seemed to be what kept me acting as I did but as the euphoria became less and less pronounced the anxiety became more and more prominent. Either way I was always guided by the feelings that I got from adderall. Yerp. Happy thats over with lol >.>

How long has it been?

lol thanks for sharing! it was nice to realize that that was behind you though?

lol welcome aboard! Ive always loved spicy things personally. Definitely can relate to anxiety. It always seemed that it dampened my interactions with other people and left me feeling strangely. Did you feel that it was a gradual increase in anxiety for those two years or how were you reacting to that anxiety?

I might be able to take adderall occasionally and be OK with it but I'm not so sure. It's hard for me to only take a drug occasionally. I tend to be an all or nothing sort of person. I don't want to take adderall because it isn't who I really am. Adderall has great aspects to it but I remember how it left me feeling... Basically like I didn't have a soul. I always took my prescribed dose of adderall so I wasn't abusing it. But yes, I did have a problem with how I felt on adderall. I do not plan on taking it again. I can't. Speed freaks are bad... I say no to speed freaking... I just have an attachment complex that hasn't gone away. I need to get over this semester and know that my performance off of adderall is just as good as my performance on adderall. If I could just believe that............ Thanks for the responses guys