LaurenAshleyTexasGirl

Not sure I can quit

11 posts in this topic

So... I've had a pretty severe Adderall addiction for as long as I can remember. And I am yet to find anyone who takes even close to the amount I do. I easily take 400mg a day, every day... Sometimes more. And that's just to get to normal. This has been the case for the last few years. Although, I've been abusing Adderall for much longer than that.

I keep going back and forth on the idea of quitting. Deep down I feel like I'm ready. But I don't know how. I hate the way I feel when I run out or try to take a break. It's literally painful. I've never lasted more than a few days until I can't take it anymore.

Has anyone ever quit after taking such a high dose for such a long period?

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Hello. I also had a severe addiction and dependence on adderall and had never encountered anyone else who took as much as I did-until you. On an average day I took 320mg + and usually the first few days after I got a new prescription, I'd take about 400mg (and inevitably ran out quickly-sometimes in under a week. And guess what? This past thanksgiving I celebrated a year without adderall. The horrible non-stop sleeping doesn't last forever-for me it was about 6 days though I'm not going to lie and say that this past year hasn't been difficult. But the thing is that I worked hard this year to rebuild my life which is a million times better than the miserable, viscous circle of obtaining a prescription, using it way too quickly and once again figurin out how to get my hands on more. I had no life on adderall-isolated at home, cried at least 3 times a week. For awhile, I accepted my misery as my fate. I was sure I would eventually die from my addiction because I couldn't see how quitting was possible.

If you have any questions, I'd be happy to share about my experience with recovery. I've accomplished more this past year than my 7+ frenzied years of stimulant use and during my process, I clinged to any success stories I had read about because I needed to know that quitting was possible. That's why I've recently started posting on this site-maybe my story can give you the hope and strength to do away with this miserable drug and begin to live life again. Good luck to you :)

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Thank you for the quick response! It's great to hear that quitting is possible. The hardest part is that it is so easy for me to get. I have a prescription and I know a ton of people who sell it. It's where a good portion of my paycheck goes.

What was your first step? I don't know if quitting cold turkey is an option... Since I take so much. And it really doesn't make me high anymore. It's just what my body is used to. But I don't know if cutting back would work either. I clearly have little to no self control. I just don't know where to start... Or how. :(

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Welcome to the forums!  Thanks for sharing your story.  You have built up quite a tolerance 400mg is a lot of adderall.  You will likely sleep a ton for the 1st month at least.  You should consider some medical supervision for tapering down or going cold turkey.  Don't go it alone,and prepare to crash for while.  Read the articles on this site attend a NA meeting or talk to a drug counselor.  Post here often to let us know how you are doing. 

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I've heard its a smart idea to taper down your dosage. I had tried to control my use and I found it to be torcher so quitting cold turkey worked for me. The first step for me was coming clean with my family. I didn't let anybody in on just how bad my addiction had gotten but quitting adderall even when you use it as prescribed is still known to be very difficult. One of the reasons I told people was because it held me more accountable but the main reason was because I needed them to understand the withdrawl process-especially the first week of sleep. I had to tell my son to an extent because he'd probably have thought I was dying otherwise. I had to tell my family to not expect much from me for awhile-not to be alarmed if I don't return phone calls. I needed help but also to be left alone if that makes sense. If your ready, it'd probably be good to start off by telling your sources (doctors etc) that you are quitting. Taking some time off from work if possible would be ideal because you need time to get the medication out of your system (about 2 weeks to a month) Maybe u can get time off for a health reason without divulging the details-you'd have to look into that with your employer.

One more piece of advice on how to start would be to look in your area for a support group or an outpatient treatment facility. It seems that inpatient rehab is the suggested method for those taking such large doses for an extended period of time. Looking back on it, I am quite sure that I would have had an easier time in rehab but i chose to do it at home because of my son.

Hope this helps and keep us posted if you can :)

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Hi Lauren.Ashley!!  

 

Welcome to the board!  I hope you stick around.... You CAN do this!!!  And you are WAY TOO GOOD for adderall!!!    Quitting is painful at first and I've never taken as much as you do but I was on high doses for a long time, to the point where it stopped working, and I quit cold turkey.  Moderating never worked so it had to be a clean break.  It hurt at first but now the idea of even taking 1 mg of adderall terrifies and sickens me.  

 

If you are going back and forth about quitting, I've found that no matter what the substance is, thats almost always a good sign that deep down, the REAL YOU wants OUT.  The addicted part of you is the part that wants to stay, and that part of your mind is influencing your real inner voice.  

 

So maybe it would help to take a little inventory for yourself.  What benefits does adderall have on your life now?  If any?  And what benefits would you experience if you quit?

 

Stick around the site, post as much as you want, read peoples' stories.  You might find that you have a lot in common with others on here!  And that there are benefits to quitting you can't even imagine right now :)

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Thank you all for the encouraging words! I really appreciate it. I just don't know if it's something I can do.. :( Even though I really want to. I feel like the adderall is stronger than me. Going even a half a day without it is miserable! I'm sure I don't need to explain what the withdrawl feels like. And missing work is really not an option. Unless I made up a medical reason. Not a bad idea. But then I have to worry about covering a lie. And I'm not sure what I would say. I wouldn't want to tell work the real reason.

I hate myself for becoming this person. And I don't know how I can undo the mess I've created for my life.

I'll tell you what I won't miss (if I ever quit)... Is being awake like this when the sun comes up. Getting only a few hours of sleep. Only to cover my exhaustion with more adderall. *Sigh...

Every day I say, "tomorrow will be different" ... But it never is. I don't know what is wrong with me!?!

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You have to want to quit more than anything and everything else in your world.  Until you get to that point, regardless of how bad you think you need to quit, attempting to quit will be futile.  What are you waiting for?....an epic "rock bottom"?

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Occasional01 is right-do stick around-this website was the most positive and encouraging source I had found and I really needed that encouragement.

LaurenAshley-I'm reading your words and I relate to so much of it. I looked at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw. At first I use to enjoy seeing the sun rise but after awhile, most of the daytime depressed me. My dosage was right up there with yours and I ignored all thoughts or plans about quitting-I didn't think it was possible though about 6 months before I quit I knew that I'd either finally have enough or I'd just die. One day I ran out of medication like I had at other times but for some reason I decided that was it for me-my life basically revolved around obtaining medication and I was sick of it. Your on your way to that point and when that day comes, you'll do whatever it takes to be rid of that crap adderall. And you say you don't think your strong enough? You've pushed your body to accept a daily dosage of adderall that would cause an overdose for most and you have a chance to use your strength to quit. I was honestly greatful that I lived long enough to quit-please make sure you do the same.

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I hate myself for becoming this person. And I don't know how I can undo the mess I've created for my life.

Every day I say, "tomorrow will be different" ... But it never is. I don't know what is wrong with me!?!

Adderall is wrong with you, and you can start by quitting.  Good luck, and we all know you CAN do it.  You just have to believe us. 

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You need to have courage, strong will and full commitment on ending your addiction issues. I know it would be hard at first but it's the only thing you need to do if you want to get rid of Adderall addiction in your life. You could go to AA meetings, consult a drug counselor or go to a rehab center, btw, I stumbled upon this website, Drug Recovery Center Gresham OR while finding some ways to help you with your situation. I know you need advice and support and we're all here for you. All I can do is to cheer you up and give you some encouraging words, so hopefully it could help you. You can do it, just be strong!

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