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Hopscotch

Another Life

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GPA 3.5 and I had one more final exam. Just one more. Then I would be walking across the stage to get my 4 year diploma. I had an internship with a MAJOR soda company starting this week. But man, I was tired. I didn't want to study for that last exam. I wanted to be with my roommates that night and enjoy these last few nights as a college sorority hipster. Okay, I will study at the library and meet up with everyone later. I was walking out of the house when a friend approached me and gave me a capsule. She said it would help. But only works when you get sleep.

I walked across that stage with the same 3.5 GPA. I failed the drug test for my internship 2 days after I received my diploma.

Twelve years later and she's sitting on the couch. She's been alive almost 2 months. She watches her husband make coffee while her baby plays on the floor. The oldest child will be down any minute. That she, well that's me. And I confessed to my addiction almost 2 months ago. I took my last pill almost two months ago. And I'm a different woman. A new life. It's like I woke up. And my twenties are a haze.

I was addicted to a medication prescribed to children and adults who have a learning disability. An attention disability. DISABILITY.

When I could see the bottom of the orange bottle through my pills, I panicked.

How long are you going to continue your cycle? Doctor appointments, picking up scripts, pharmacy trips, paying out of pocket because you can't wait another week when your insurance will cover your refill.

Are you going to take these pills when you are sixty years old? Eighty? It has to stop at some point. Nobody can successfully continue a narcotic like this forever. How it's FDA approved and available at a pharmacy within a 2 mile radius of my home keeps me up at night.

My old life has been through more than I want to admit. But I will. Over time. I consider myself an expert on the drug. And I'm not done researching this narcotic. And I'm not done researching the lives of the people who dedicate themselves on this website.

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How long are you going to continue your cycle? Doctor appointments, picking up scripts, pharmacy trips, paying out of pocket because you can't wait another week when your insurance will cover your refill.

Are you going to take these pills when you are sixty years old? Eighty? It has to stop at some point. Nobody can successfully continue a narcotic like this forever. How it's FDA approved and available at a pharmacy within a 2 mile radius of my home keeps me up at night.

My old life has been through more than I want to admit. But I will. Over time. I consider myself an expert on the drug. And I'm not done researching this narcotic. And I'm not done researching the lives of the people who dedicate themselves on this website.

 

Couldn't agree with you more.  The fact that so many people take this drug, and give it to children, so readily, like it's candy, terrifies me.  What kind of future are we creating?  

 

Nobody has finished researching this narcotic.  Long-term testing isn't even done.  Children who were prescribed adderall when it first came out are just now coming of age.  The pharmaceutical companies are still revising their black box warnings.   The "experts" in their white lab coats aren't done, and we here on this site aren't done.   The dialogues we have on this forum offer insights about this narcotic, and what it means to quit, that cannot be found in any doctor's office, or on any medication warning package.  And that fact alone scares me.   An internet forum is the only real resource out there for quitting this specific highly addictive, life-destroying, personality-changing, and potentially deadly drug.   To me this indicates that nobody, not even the so-called "experts," has any idea what's going on. 

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Great posts guys...Yeah it is absolutely crazy that this drug should even be on the market in my mind.  All of us on this site wouldn't be happier if they just straight up banned these stimulants all together.  I know I wouldn't. It is crazy to fathom that at a young age children can be prescribed these. It really does blow my mind and with me I never started taking Adderall until I was 21 and made it all throughout high school.  Maybe if I did take them I would have kicked the habit sooner but who knows.  I just want them out of my life for good even though I have kicked my  Adderall addiction for 3 or 4 years now I still take Vyvanse 20-40mg daily but I want to end this also.  I want to be ME only and even though Vyvanse didn't affect me negatively has the Adderall did I know it eventually will and is already taking its toll on me.  Thank the man upstairs that I conqured Adderall because I know now that I will eventually beat the Vyvanse.  Being bored without a license is what is holding me back now and being a lone a lot.  UGH but this site is helping me tremendously and I will continue to research all the time until I have fully kicked the drug.

 

Take Care

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Welcome to the forum, hopscotch!  Great job with the quitting.  Come back here often and whenever you are having doubts or struggles.  We all have them, and it does get better.  You are doing this for your kids. They will notice the difference and be glad that you quit.  Even if they don't really understand, they will like having the real you around. 

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Couldn't agree with you more. The fact that so many people take this drug, and give it to children, so readily, like it's candy, terrifies me. What kind of future are we creating?

Nobody has finished researching this narcotic. Long-term testing isn't even done. Children who were prescribed adderall when it first came out are just now coming of age. The pharmaceutical companies are still revising their black box warnings. The "experts" in their white lab coats aren't done, and we here on this site aren't done. The dialogues we have on this forum offer insights about this narcotic, and what it means to quit, that cannot be found in any doctor's office, or on any medication warning package. And that fact alone scares me. An internet forum is the only real resource out there for quitting this specific highly addictive, life-destroying, personality-changing, and potentially deadly drug. To me this indicates that nobody, not even the so-called "experts," has any idea what's going on.

Sadly, they all know what's going on. It's all about $$$

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