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Groundhogdaze

Day 2 withdrawal after decision to quit adderall

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Hi I am so grateful I found this forum and that it's still alive and active.

I have tried to quit adderall in the past but I think I'm hooked forever now. I have taken this drug and abused it; off and on, slowing down, taking short breaks, then starting up again, for sixteen years. I cannot believe it. I blame this drug for a lot of things, but the worst is how I lost my marriage. At times I wonder if quitting even makes sense now since the damage is so extensive to relationships and the entire structure of my life. I decided two days ago, after one more endless bouts of insomnia and a day of insomnia induced depression and lack of logical thinking, that I absolutely had to quit. So the next day, I didn't take it. Until 2 pm. I called a friend who compassionately suggested taking a lower dose instead of quitting all at once.

I took part of my dose yesterday and part of the pill today. I already am freaking out that i should not do this. I slept until 10 am this morning and ended up crying half of the day. Now my legs feel numb-tingly and it's really uncomfortable. My mind feel like I just unplugged it and there is no filter.

I've been weaning off of a 60 mg daily dose I was prescribed for ADHD, since June of this year and was down to 25 or 30 mg (reg not XR) day. In the past, when I began weaning, I always went back on it and felt instantaneous relief. It's the worst addiction because it is sanctioned by doctors for ADHD. I don't want to tell my doc I'm weaning off it because I don't know if I can handle this. I want to be convinced i'll be better off without this stuff. ANd my history shows I cannot do it. I always feel better and more productive on adderall but in reality, my life was falling; my life DID fall apart. I lost my marriage in a stimulant induced feeling of invincibility and self desire for a better life, which was a fantasy induced by this speed. I was seriously abusing it back then (2003, 4, 5, 6 etc).

Even on a 25 mg dose, I am not sleeping well and I quit benzos and Remeron, which were my sleep aids for Adderall. Benzo withdrawal made me want to scream and I trembled for 6 months but benzos are horrible for memory and depression. Remeron and all the antidepressants I've used to help with the anxiety and other bizarre personality and focus side effects of adderall have left me with a load of health issues like weight gain, cholesterol problems and pre-diabetes. So, I decide and then try to quit, again, and again, and again. I keep starting back up. I do have ADHD, and Adderall helps with my impulsive interrupting when people are talking. Off adderall, I get so bored listening to people talk and waiting for them to make their points or to stop talking on and on about their aunt and sisters husbands, brother in law who has a kid going to college on scholarship. On Adderall, I can listen intensively to the most boring conversations. I find most conversation somewhat boring actually, so I'm scared to be off of this for that reason. And, top it all off I went back to school and got a masters in social work, while taking adderall of course. I listen to people talk and have to remember what people say. If they are talkinga bout their relatives, I can't act bored or ask to repeat what was said. I don't know if I will even like the work after I quit this. Then again, maybe I'll like it more.

So, are people experiencing rewards for quitting? My kids noticed I was talking about random changing topics the last time I tried to quit (they didn't know I was trying). It's embarrassing.

What about this thing with tingling in my legs and with crying and feeling depressed? Have any of that anyone? Does it go away? IS THIS WORTH IT? Oh and my gums and mouth; problems with gums receding and with decay and root canal and crowns. I"m quitting for that reason also.

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Think if you get off it come back on here a month sober read this you'll know why it's a good move. I'm not going to lie it sucks quitting and takes along time to get over it but the option of staying on it for life is no option unless you don't want to live much longer. This shit fucks up your heart older you get. Not many 60 year old adderal addicts around mainly because your body can't take it die early.

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