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Gloombloom

Going on week 3

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Hey guys, 

Just wanted to give a shout out to this website and people who share here. It has been helping me a lot. To summerize I've spent the last almost 2 yrs on Adderall. I never abused my dose that the doc prescribed me and didn't take too high of a dose. However... It still messed me up. My mental state was so anxious, depressed, and irritated. I was an emotional wreck. My digestion was really messed up and my skin looked so dry and dull. I could never relax and just be in the present moment. Originally during the first year, I noticed improvements in my school and my home being more organized as well as my productivity at work. But eventually, that all started to go down and increasing doses just made me feel uncomfortable. I knew I had to quit especially after I went into therapy (to get the most out of it) but I was really scared. One of my main worries was weight gain due to my still disordered thinking around weight, body, and binging on food. But I knew I had to get off. I started to look horrible. I fucked up one of my friendships with someone who was important to me. I could never be present with my kid. I could tell that she knew I was always restless. I started to wean and had a week left..but I decided to just go for it and flush it down the toilet about 2.5 weeks a go. I'm glad I did. It's not been peaches & cream. I'm exhausted (sleeping well though), tired a lot, not as productive, and more hungry. I took it really slow the first week. But I can be more present with my kid and I can tell she has been extra happy. Non stop hugging me and smiling. I'm much more fun now. We started doing creative things. My laundry is a giant mess pile but the rest of the house ain't too bad. The first week I drank a ton of smoothies. Lots of fruit in the morning. I made sure they were combos that I enjoyed. Lots of healthy food. But not too out of control. I'm trying to be mindful and I will get into exercise soon. Earlier bedtime and supplements. All things that have been helping me. Caffeine pills in the morning as well. I'm trying to make sure I have nice books/music/material around me. Positive messages and people. And some volunteer work at the shelter. All makes a difference. It's not easy and I miss having more energy the most, but I still would rather not be on them. My skin is looking nicer already. To anyone who isn't sure right now... this is me sending you a sign/light. Life is better without it. Trust. 

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I want to add that for me it was about not believing in myself/not thinking I was strong enough. I decided to fight for myself and it was worth it. The night before I flushed them I cried. I called a friend too and cried on the phone. I made a plan to do it in the morning. I let myself stay in that power/strength and embrace it. And then I took it very slow/giving myself lots of breaks for the week after. 

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hi Gloombloom,

welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing! so glad you recognized the dangers of this drug early enough to course correct. if you don't mind me asking, when you were initially prescribed, do you think it was an accurate diagnosis or were you just looking to try it out? it's still so shocking how ignorant doctors are of the dependency issues amphetamines cause.

it definitely sucks having lost a good friend, but Adderall would have led you down a road to potentially losing your kid too. good job, and keep the positivity up! (:

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