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  1. huge step back at over a year clean

    being mad at yourself is a good sign!! anger is a great motivator - use it to get yourself back on track! something to keep in mind is that when you quit again this time, the withdrawal won't be nearly as bad as it was last year. speaking from relapse experience myself, you'll still get the acute lethargy for a couple of weeks, but with the right mindset you'll be right back to where you left off on your recovery journey. it's not too late to just pick up where you left off (:
  2. huge step back at over a year clean

    "adulting" reasonably well is about the best anyone can hope for, much less addicts great progress!!!!
  3. Coping Mechanisms

    ^^^ well said guys! you need to give yourself permission to heal in the beginning while you're in the worst of the detox and withdrawal until the "real you" is able to think clearly about things (:
  4. Coping Mechanisms

    hi @OnSomething I'm sorry to hear about your past trauma, though discovering it's impact on your life can give you some control over it, and can be very therapeutic. it's kind of like in fiction where knowing the true name of a demon gives you power over it! Adderall as a coping tool is a story many of us know very well. there's no denying that when it works, *it works* , but it's simply not sustainable. for what it's worth, I think the most effective coping tools in first few months of your recovery journey will simply be distractions and forgiveness. you need to try to keep yourself distracted and occupied as much as possible. i know it's easier said than done because you won't feel like doing anything for a while, so even if it's just binging Netflix or video games, immerse yourself in something. if an activity that you enjoyed while on Adderall is too frustrating now, let it go for the time being. if you truly love it, it will come back to you later on down the road, but don't get trapped in a cycle of depression, constantly comparing to how it felt while on Adderall. the forgiveness part has to do with being kind to yourself. one of the hardest things in recovery is letting go of the guilt, remorse and embarrassment associated with your addiction. there will be plenty of time to unpack that in the future when you're thinking more clearly, but you need to be sober for long enough to actually get there. in the meantime, just forgive yourself enough to be a sleepy blob till you hit the first milestones of recovery - your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to just stay sober no matter what it takes! gl and keep us posted, we're here for you (:
  5. One good day - then back to slump

    this is awesome to hear! when I have those types of days, I certainly enjoy the heck out of them, but I wouldn't hold myself to that standard for "normal days". ...though I might be a little biased because I tend towards introversion and low energy activities
  6. non adderall users will never understand

    this all sounds like TREMENDOUS improvement!! I'm so sorry that your mother's comment robbed you of that accomplishment, but I think you've rightly recognized that it's not really her fault. our addiction is definitely unique, and the long term effects are seriously misunderstood. Pharm companies and doctors do a very good job of marketing Adderall as a "medication", but we all know it's just pharmaceutical speed. If you were addicted to "drugs", I'm sure your mother would never encourage continued use! hang in there - things are going to get A LOT better this year (:
  7. Eight Years

    @hyper_critical this is awesome, and just what people need to hear! when you're early in your recovery process, it's so hard to envision a future that's in fact better than anything Adderall could have delivered. I think something really important to consider is that even if you accomplish things on stimulants, you don't feel good about it. it feels like someone else really did the work. thanks for sharing your continued success (:
  8. huge step back at over a year clean

    @dolssa first of all, congrats on a year!! this relapse doesn't erase all the great work you've done, so don't beat yourself up over it. it is very telling that that within 2 weeks of restarting Adderall, it's already a regretful, negative experience. unfortunately this won't stop the addict in your mind from rationalizing to stay alive. you need to listen to your heart on this on this one. listen to the version of you that's literally crying over this. you've been on this forum long enough to know that people make HUGE progress throughout their 2nd and 3rd years. give yourself that time, don't worry about "accomplishing things". 26 is so young - you have SO MUCH TIME to accomplish things! but when you do, you want to know that it was YOU not the pill, right? (:
  9. One Word Status Update


    oops I forgot about this last month lol - BUT I SHALL START TODAY! dry April - i'll keep yall posted
  11. One Word Status Update

  12. this this this!!!! life is too short to wallow in regret! for those still struggling: just keep moving forward, even if forward means a different thing than it used to for you.

    its crazy how obviously everyone see's the monster that we fail to see while we're strung out on speed! so glad to hear things are on the up & up for you. @LILTEX41 i'm doing pretty well (all things considered), though I have some life circumstances that have kind of stalled my progress to the "next stage". its not a bad thing necessarily but I'm kind of stuck in bachelor mode for another year or so lol. its nice because I still have a lot of time to myself, but has seen my alcohol and weed consumption go up quite dramatically. its crazy how quickly you can go from drinking a couple of nights a week to every night, immediately after logging out of work. i think i need a dry month to reset!! regarding the slowness around here, I know that activity kind of fluctuates pretty regularly, but I wonder if this time it coincides with the lockdowns and many people working from home? Adderall is the kind of addiction that is perfectly happy to be home all day with little to no supervision from bosses or interruptions from co-workers (or people, or family or basically anything!)

    this is awesome news - congratulations!!! things are a little slow around here lately, but that's indirectly a good thing? lol looking forward to hearing about this exciting project!
  15. One Word Status Update