Trevor95

I decided I'm gonna join a chemical dependency program. It sounds sort of like NA, but it's through a hospital. I'm not sure on all the details. I'm going to try to join once my college semester is up in two weeks. This addiction has gotten out of control, and I don't have enough self-control or self-discipline to stop alone. (I just kept using it because it felt so good to study/do assignments on.) I've tried to quit cold turkey three times now. As of today, I've gotten the dosage down from 60-80mg to 40mg and I'm still trying to taper lower. I just have no support and no one that I can tell, so it's really hard. I'm going for just 20mg a day this week. Please wish me luck that I don't go back up again. All I can do right now is keep telling myself: "I'm going to get better. I'm going to enjoy life again!" Meditation helps when I'm feeling unfocused. On the verge of crying while writing this. I'm dealing with this addiction and depression at the same time. Any support you can give is immensely appreciated and helpful. Thanks, Trevor

Thanks for the responses and support you all! Tried to quit months ago, tapering didn't work then. But this time so far I've only taken 20 mg every other day and feel much better and more disciplined this time around. Going cold turkey for 2 weeks was a wake up call to how dependent I've become on this stuff though. thanks for reading, Trevor

So I don't have ADHD & I've been abusing on and off for a year. Before this time around I was clean for 5 years. Quitting this time is much harder. I've been taking 40-60 mg a day. Going cold turkey just affects me too much. I just sleep all day and can't focus on my homework. So after a brutal week of no productivity or exercise I decided to start taking 20-30 mg everyday or every other day & feel much better. At least it's better than 40-60 mg a day. Maybe I can taper down. But it's tempting to go back up again. Is this okay to do?

With the boredom, anxiety, & anger it's been hard. I missed all but one lecture this week, but today I was actually able to force myself to go on a walk, and the weather made me feel less depressed. Still exhausted though. thanks for reading, Trevor

Has anyone ever tried to create a detailed step by step, week by week plan? For example: Week 1) -fix my diet -fix my sleep schedule (get enough sleep, same bed and wake time each day) -take supplements -quit caffeine -call my doctor Week 2) -get back into exercise -call a friend -clean my room Week 3) -get back to work/ school -take on a project at work/school etc. ... And then like once a week remind yourself why you want to quit. Maybe you can figure out the reason why you started in the first place. I feel like following something like this reassures me that there's an end in sight and motivates me to keep going. Has anyone here made something like this or does one already exist? once again, thank you all so much, Trevor

Thank you so much eric & Krae! I appreciate you all. Checking this site daily helps me keep going.

I'm coming off Adderall, and it's terrible. In hindsight, even being on it was terrible as I lost everything during my hyperfocus, forgetting the outside world. I went from having the highest GPA, 4.0, to dropping all my classes for two semesters. I'm such a loser. I look around my college campus and see all these young people working towards their dreams, & being happy while doing it, while I'm just right where I was two years ago. Just stuck like in Limbo or something. I've lost all my passions, my physical health, my mental health. My life is just falling apart in every way. I cry every day just because of the deep regret I have. I used to do martial arts and socialize with friends 5 days EVERY week. I used to skateboard, snowboard, hike, jog, lift weights. Now I'll can do is stay in bed all day, just getting up to eat and go to the bathroom. I'm just a shell of a person now. I have nothing to live for and really just wanna die. I'd give anything for a reset or to go back in time. I hate myself more than anyone I know can ever imagine.

Yeah I've found quitting caffeine and nicotine (vaping & nicotine pouches) helped A LOT more than I thought it would. In the beginning I'd drink a monster (150 mg of caffeine) and feel nothing. Then I would drink 3 monsters thinking I need them to get anything done, but then I just get jittery and the crash is leaves me too tired to do anything. So overall, I feel better avoiding any kind of stimulant, even if they help for a little bit. My day is better without them. Trevor

No judgement, but did you write all of this while on Adderall? Trevor

Thank you!! I love the articles Mike has written. They are so helpful in making my addiction make sense to me. Trevor

I forgot to mention how the psychiatric hospital did absolutely nothing for me. No med changes, no help getting Adderall, and after 4 days they just released me. No resources, no follow up, no plan to stay clean. Mental health care and addiction services suck in my area.

TL; DR: ...Long story short, I keep quitting and then starting up again months or years later. It helps me concentrate, love life again, gives me energy,etc. But overall it's not good. Like I can't just talk or relate to someone in a normal way. I can't just like chill/ relax with someone and just watch a movie or something. If I'm on it, everything is "task" that I gotta hyperfocus on and crush. If it's not some task to finish then it feels like a waste of time and I should use my Adderall "superpowers" somewhere else, preferably all isolated and absolutely glued to something until it's perfect. And if I'm off of it, I'm too tired and irritable to do anything. So I can never talk/ relate to people or make friends, whether on or off it. There's lots of reasons why it's not good to use. That's just a prevalent example that I'm dealing with right now. Let me just say I love this gem of website! I wish it was more popular. I've been on it all day. This was exactly what I needed to solidify my resolve to actually quit or make a plan to quit. This community seems so supportive, and the articles have not only good information, but they also touch upon things that psychiatrists and family doctors never ever address. The articles here are even better than any therapist I've had. I've cried reading some of these stories. You guys are so relatable to me. I've never been an NA or AA meeting. The only time I sought help with stimulant abuse was at a inpatient setting in a mental health hospital. The hospital did absolutely nothing; they wouldn't change my antidepressants or antipsychotics, I would love to tell my story to someone, especially someone who understands me. I'm a 27 male, and I've had to hide my drug use and abuse from everyone: my family (especially my mom), girlfriends, and coworkers. I've never even told a therapist or prescriber/ physician. I would say I've had to hide it from friends, but I haven't had "friends" for 9 years now. By friends I mean the conventional use of the word, you know like people you can talk to or just hang out with. I've only had work acquaintances for the past 9 years. When I feel a connection with someone and try being more than just work buddies, they get awkward. First of all, I do not have ADHD, I've never had ADHD-like symptoms. I know I misuse and abuse the drug. But I used to lie to myself that I must really have ADHD because i focus better and get more done on this drug. I've quit 4 times and relapsed 4 times. My reasons for using change each time I start up again. Whether it was out of curiosity, for the productivity, for masking my clinical depression, for the high. And now I'm just taking it because I can't function without it. I'm in withdrawal from Adderall right now. I never thought I'd end up like this. I've gotten this stuff from friends, a nurse practitioner, psychiatrists, acquaintances, and even sketchy strangers on the street. It's just WAY too easy to get this stuff. And even if you can't get the prescription grade stuff, my town has a lot of meth in it, which in my terrible withdrawals I've seriously considered trying. This is out of order chronologically. I can't really be bothered to think about my drug abuse timeline, it gets kind of fuzzy and I'm in withdrawal right now so there's the motivation thing, exhaustion, trouble concentrating, etc. So like when I first started getting really fucking depressed, like early high school, I felt overwhelming sad, lethargic, couldn't focus, coundn't get anything done for school, couldn't bring myself to socialize or do anything on the weekends. One day I tried some kind of ADHD med from one of our school's dealers. 30 minutes later, I'm so happy to get relief from these depressive symptoms I feel like crying. It completely just obliterated all my brain fog, tiredness, inability to socialize. I could actually find motivation and concentration to do homework. That day, I took in second period, like 9 AM or, and after that I had a weight training class and I felt so good and strong and energetic that I had the best workout I've ever had up to that point. Immediately, I thought I was cured and I was hooked. Classes go great the rest of the day and I finally engage with my friend and I'm making them laugh and they seem to love. Rest of the day was great. I go home and I actually feel like grabing my skateboard and going to the big skate, which I hadn't done in a year, but I used to love skating and hanging out with those friends. I'm finally getting back into the things I used to love before depression. Wait this is gonna be too long... ...Long story short, I keep quitting and then starting months or years later. It helps me concentrate, love life again, gives me energy,etc. But overall it's not good. Like I can't just fucking talk or relate to someone in a normal way. I can't just like chill/ relax with someone and just watch a movie or enjoy a meal. If I'm on it, everything is "task" that I gotta hyperfocus on and crush. If it's not some task to finish then it feels like a waste of time and I should use my Adderall "superpowers" somewhere else, preferably all isolated and absolutely glued to something until it's perfect. If I'm off of it, I'm too tired and irritable to do anything. So I can never talk/ relate to people or make friends, whether on or off it. There's lots of reasons why it's not good to use. That's just a prevalent example that I'm dealing with right now Okay damn this is getting kinda long and I'm really tired. I didn't plan this out at all, I just starting writing. I'll have to finish this another time. Plus I don't wanna make you read a whole book. I'll finish this later, thanks for listening. You guys are awesome.

I want to read the article, "The 13 Milestones of Quitting" but the link appears to be broken. When I click on it I'm just taken to a page of comments and no article. Would a staff member or someone be able to fix the link or send me the article? Thank you, Trevor