Cleaning up adderall-messes at 15-months clean

[LuLamb 175]

I made some messes on adderall. I’m really starting to see that. No telling if I would’ve made them anyway, but I think I’ve gotten strong enough recently that I’m working hard to get shit on-track and feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. Realized for the first time today that theses are adderall-messes. Fast and furious impatient decisions that didn’t go away when I quit adderall. And I’m responsible for them. And I need to forgive myself for making them. And I need to face them and do what I can to clean them up. I think it will help me to begin to orient to things moreso this way. I started a meditation practice. Finally. It’s helpful. 

[SleepyStupid 849]

@LuLamb you've reached a really important point in your recovery. as you say, the actions taken by the addict are the consequences the real you will have to bear. it definitely takes time and energy to sort through these various messes. for me (and many others), it was a financial sink hole that I had to work my way out of (it took me 2 years after quitting to become financially independent again). there are relationships to mend, habits to break and health to improve, but don't try to tackle everything at once!

 

[DrewK15 349]

@LuLamb at 15 months clean, I found myself depressed, unemployed, sitting in bankruptcy court. Now I’m at close to 3 years clean and it feels like a distant memory. Your feelings are so real, but you’ll get through them if you keep going.

 Yeah, there are consequences, but there is also so much hope. I stunted my personal growth and life with my addiction. We all do to some extent. The first couple of years of sobriety were pretty rough. In year 3 so far, I got a job, and this summer I am getting married and moving out of my parents’ place. I don’t really care how long it took at this point, I’m just glad I did it.

There is hope in post-Adderall life no matter how long it takes to get there. Going back is hopeless. It’s very difficult at times, but a simple choice to make.