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highonlife

Need Encouragement

10 posts in this topic

I don't have time to tell my story, but Adderall has been a pretty big part of my undergraduate career. I thank God for Mike and this website that has gotten me through my first month without Adderall. I feel great! I am a pre-med student and was diagnosed with ADHD/prescribed to Adderall my Sophomore year. I have battled with whether or not to take it and have always wanted to quit for good. I told myself I was done as soon as I finished the MCAT exam, regardless of my score. It has been over a month and the score I received is not good enough and I will have to take it again to get into the school of my choice.

Are there any other pre-meds out there? This is the first time I have ever posted on a forum online and would greatly appreciate any help. I am battling with whether or not I should take Adderall to help study for round two of the MCAT, but part of me thinks Adderall was my problem! I can't eat, sleep, and exercise like I want to and it makes me over analyze everything on standardized tests! I am just looking for someone who may be able to relate or encourage me in this situation. I truly want to study and succeed on the MCAT and get accepted to medical school without that pill from the devil. I know that if I can make it in without Adderall I will never want to abuse it again. Part of me is thankful my score on Adderall was low (so I can have a chance without it), but the other part of me thinks I will fail without it since I have so many work habits to develop in such a small time period.

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I am not taking the MCATS but I had a lot of friends who were pre-med and know how difficult the exam is..

I think if the exam is tough for a person, its going to be tough either way. Adderall is not going to boost someone's standardized test score up like to a perfect score like it at least felt like was being suggested in recent news articles!!! You have tried it, and I have tried it and its just not the case. we are both living proof of that. I agree with you that it probably even makes standaradized test taking worse. I am prepping for a retake of the GMAT - I went up like 60 points (which is a significant increase for the GMAT) after I stopped taking adderall.

For me, I think I was worse taking a standardized test on adderall. I think makes it difficult to move on from one task to another. i couldn't move past questions on the exam which killed me because the exam is timed. So I always ran out of time before I got to the final questions. I also think it made me overanalyze things, too. Also, I get test anxiety and it made me even more nervous...

I am about 50 points away from what I need. Its within reach but may be too much of a reach. I have no idea if Ill make it there. Part of me wants to just give up and move on but I also feel like I cant give up now. But what sucks is that they have also changed my exam this month and added a brand new 30 minute section called 'integrated reasoning' which I now have to prepare for!!

The one thing different off of adderall is that I have limitations on how much I can study in a day, I cant just keep taking it and pushing myself forward like a train. But, you know, as a recovering adderall addict, it is just not a big deal to me and nothing I long for or desire in any way. Thats just how life is off of adderall and I like it that way.

Anyway, hang in there with the MCATs and quitting. I read a great quote about recovery...that went something like this..

Even when it hurts like hell, hold fast, the pain is the arrow coming out not the arrow going in...

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"I know that if I can make it in without Adderall I will never want to abuse it again. Part of me is thankful my score on Adderall was low (so I can have a chance without it), but the other part of me thinks I will fail without it since I have so many work habits to develop in such a small time period."

I love that first line you wrote. You know that once you prove to yourself that you can be successful enough without it that it will tremendously boost your confidence and perseverance. I really feel for you on the second sentence there. It is such a crappy thing how badly this messes with us. Because it literally Does mess with us, in a physiological and neurological way, but once pushing through that we still have to find enough confidence and faith to ride it out. There are so many justifications we can validly make too :(

Anyway, I just want to say that you have my support and understanding.

Also, great quote to the above person.

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Thanks for the responses! InRecovery, I agree with everything you said regarding standardized test taking and it sounds like we are in the same boat (besides the fact that they have added a new section to the GMAT). Also, that was an excellent quote you decided to share. We just have to press on and give it our best shot knowing we can't give up at this point. Regardless of whether I get in to the medical school of my choice or not, it will be great knowing Adderall had nothing to do with it and I am where I am suppose to be.

Thanks finding freedom for the support. I fully support everyone on this website for trying to do what is right and I hope that I am able to comfort others when they need encouragement.

I am at work right now counting down the minutes until I can leave. I love it. I love having to monitor my energy levels and I love knowing I will get enough sleep tonight. It has been too long since I have experienced this wonderfully exhausting feeling one gets on a friday afternoon before the weekend arrives. This was my fifth week off of Adderall and next week will be my first true challenge as far as studying. I plan to study 8 hours on both Monday and Tuesday and then take Wednesday off for the 4th of July. It's going to suck, but I know I will feel great if I can get it done. Alot better than I feel after popping 2 Adderall and studying all day...

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Also, I haven't cut off my supply to Adderall yet. I have not been tempted to fill my next prescription, but part of me thinks I should cut of my connection that way I have no way of getting it on down the road. What do you all think? What is the best way to do it?

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I think cutting off your supply is the way to go. You're serious about quitting, so why not go ahead and make it a done deal? I felt like slapping myself in the face initially after telling my doctor, but eventually it became a big sense of relief. You really can't go wrong telling your doctor, regardless of whether you're tempted or not (in my opinion).

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I would say you should do that. I often wondered what it would be like to try to give up alcohol with liquor shops and bars all around me. At least with adderall, we can cut off the relationship altogether by severing ties with our p-docs.

I was reading this book called "I Want to Change My Life" by this addiction specialist who I discovered after reading his website on post acute withdrawal (PAWS) and he explained the addicts brain in a really interesting way. He said the addict has two brains: "primitive" brain (the part of brain that makes us vulnerable to relapse) and the "rational" brain (the part that wants to avoid using). He said to think of it like the devil and the angel sitting on your shoulders whispering things in the ear. If the addict listens to the 'primitive' part of his bran he will end up using..

He said in addiction recovery we can allow the "rational" brain to guide us to do things that will protect us from the whispers of our 'primitive' brain. Calling your doctor and severing that relationships I would say is one of the things you could do to protect yourself from your 'primitive brain.' In the book the example he uses is going to AA or NA meetings as something the addict can do to protect themselves from their "primitive" brains. (I consider this website my AA/NA)

Anyway, the whole way he put it was very interesting. I really recommend his book. Only the last couple chapters are on addiction but he offers some interesting strategies. And also I recommend reading through his website. A lot of excerpts from his book are also on his website.

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The devil and the angel....gave me a flashback to a very funny scene in the movie Animal House.

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Thanks for the inputs and thanks InRecovery for the sources. I am about to tell the Pharmacy to cancel my next two scripts and I haven't decided what to do about my doc. He's not my primary care physician so I could just let it go and never visit him again. But then again, that leaves the option for a possible visit down the road. I don't want to even be tempted several years from now if I find myself struggling in med school.

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I am having to watch my roommate clean the entire house bc he is tweaked out on Adderall. It doesn't make me want any it just pisses me off. And makes me feel bad for ever putting my girlfriend through this.

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