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About ashley6

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  • Birthday 11/21/1984

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  1. I only read a few posts on this topic, but I wanted to chime in, because, for me, anhedonia might have been the most difficult part, along with the sleepiness. In addition, I was still taking klonopin, which probably made the anhedonia that much worse. It took a long time for the anhedonia to dissipate. I just had to keep reminding myself that it was a part of the recovery process. Since I had been using five plus years, I just had to be patient....very patient. I would say it took maybe a couple of years to feel joy, excitement, genuine happiness, or just positive feelings. There were good moments in that time, but life was just slowed down without stimulants, after being amped up for such a long time. Positive feelings do return. And when they do, it is worth it. I think coming to terms with the fact that feeling shitty is just a part of it. But not for eternity. And you will eventually feel real happiness, not euphoria that we seeked through pills.
  2. Too long!

    Quit-once, You have been adderall-free for a long time now!! My friend sent me a text message wishing me a happy 6 years recently, and you quit long before me, right??
  3. Too long!

    Thanks for the responses. Interesting conversation on this thread about friends. I know that it can be hard to separate oneself from friends one has used with, and there are two that I am still friends with.....well, one quit before me and is clean from adderall and the other was my dealer (well, her girlfriend was), and when I quit, oddly she was really supportive of my quit. That being said, I cannot imagine it being in my face like that. In my opinion, it was really disrespectful of your friend to do that (turns out drug addicts are not exactly courteous, though). Thinking back, my friend who had quit adderall pretty recently, when I was still using, was in my carwith me. I took her on a drug run to our dealer’s house (where she had sometimes gotten her pills prior to quitting). I did pretty much what your friend did to you, because our drugs come first. Personally, I do not feel that I could handle that situation of a friend using in my home.....way too close for comfort. I am glad to hear you do not see your friend often, because I think it is a slippery slope. I feel like you are strong in your recovery, but at the end of the day we are addicts, and addiction is not usually logical. I am glad I have tossed the opiates, because it is just not worth the risk. I see what addiction does very frequently to people through my work, and I still was willing to risk what I have worked so hard to build. Pills are a weak spot for me, and I think they always will be. Staying vigilant is huge.
  4. Day 6

    My friend! I hope things are still looking up for you. I have been MIA on here for a long time. I am proud of you for coming back to sobriety. I have had reminders lately that addiction just does not go away. You are so strong, and you have got this!
  5. New Dream Job...No More Adderall. Help Please

    I have not been on the site in a long time, but I came back, and reading your post reminded me of the realities of quitting adderall. Your mindset is so important to successfully quit. Remind yourself of the negatives of using adderall, consistently. When times are tough, it is really easy to slip in to romanticizing it. That is dangerous territory, and mostly lies the drug tells us. We need it to succeed, feel normal, etc. Just truly be easy on yourself. You sound like you put very high expectations on yourself to continue this version of a perfect life you have created, which is an inviting place for Adderall. Quitting adderall is one of the hardest things I have ever done. But recognizing that YOU are doing it is so empowering and shows you your own strength. You have a lot of confidence in your own abilities, a lot more than I had when quitting, so use that to your advantage. Build on what you KNOW is within yourself. Keep it up, because you can do this!
  6. Cassie, 

    It is so good to see that you are still active on the site. I wanted to say hi! 

  7. Too long!

    Hey, I am trying to navigate this site, since it is way different than the last time I was on here! I wanted to check in, since it has been so long since being on here. I have been clean from adderall for many years now, and I give my friends from this site so much credit for helping me through my struggles! So much has changed since the last time I was here. Most importantly, I am a Mom! I have the sweetest little one-year-Old who has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined.My boyfriend has a ten-year-Old so we have two Children at home. I am a substance abuse counselor, and love my job! I get many reminders of the struggles of addiction through my work. That being said, I have been struggling a little bit lately. After giving birth, I was given pain pills. I starting taking them liberally, not out of necessity. I realized what I was doing, so I trashed them. Move ahead to recently, I had oral surgery. Again, started taking them liberally, not out of necessity. The first time, I was doing this, I did not feel much of an effect. I think it was more the idea of taking pills that I liked. The latter times, I started liking them. I absolutely know the risks of doing that. I trashed those as well, but it shaken me up a bit, because I remembered what pills did for me....allowed me to disengage from stress. Running has been a major outlet for me for many reasons, and I utilize that often. It can give me that disengaging, meditative feeling that I crave. But addiction does not go away, and I have to choose to continue on the path. I remember how helpful this site was for me for a long time. I should have come back before now, but better late than never, right? For those of you in the early days of quitting, the pain is so worth the gain. I am so grateful to have gotten away from adderall. I just need to continue to utilize the tools I have, especially this site. I hope to hear from my old friends on friends too!
  8. I received a text message today from my friend that said, "Happy 4 years free and clear!" It meant so much to me that my friend would remember my quitting adderall birthday, before I did! I knew it was coming up, but I thought it was in April. I googled a post I had made, which was quite soon after quitting. I posted it below. My life has changed so much since then. I know quitting adderall has been the most difficult experience of my life this far. I am telling those of you who are struggling. I felt weak and depleted, and did not know how I would go on some days during the quitting process. I basically slept to cope, but I am so happy to report that quitting has been worth it more than I can explain. The days when you feel like you just cannot continue feeling miserable...keep going. It will get better! You deserve a better life than adderall could ever give you. I loved the feeling adderall gave me from the very first pill. I had never experienced anything like that. I realize now that it was the first step in creating a life of havoc and unhealthy decisions. I am now a social worker who sees the effects of addiction on a regular basis, and it can be really sad; however, I feel like going through adderall addiction has taught me empathy and compassion, that I hope has benefited the clients who were in need of those things. Life is not easy, but it can be so sweet! I posted below this post where I was four years ago. Hey....I've spent hours on this site for many months now. I'm so grateful for quittingadderal, because just hearing from all of you who truly understand gives me so much solace. I'm 27 and was prescribed adderall 5 years ago. I was on 30mg IR 2xday for about 4 years, then I had to switch doctors due to lack of insurance. My new doctor prescribed me 30 mg a day for a year and a half or so. I had a boyfriend of four years, was a student at a state university, and was basically a social butterfly. Things started to go downhill my last year of college (which I'm 3 courses away from finishing almost 3 years later). I really didn't see me as having an issue at that time. I look back now and realize how irrational and just spaced out I was. I pretty much neglected my relationship, because I already had the "friend" I wanted most, and my relationship ended. The fact that I had invested so much time in energy into school and my relationship and just threw it away is something I am only coming to terms with now....that's when I started taking waaaay more than prescribed. It's so accessible to me, so I've steadily increased my intake. I finally realized that the people and things around me weren't the problem, it was on adderall. I became aware of this when my roommates, who have been immensely supportive, sat me down and told me I had a problem. They've seen me for short periods without my pills, so they know the "real" me. I started making some efforts to change after that, then I just kind of slipped back into denial mode with a life filled with adderall. The problem is denial or avoidance is much easier than facing the uphill battle that lies ahead....until reality hits. Three weeks ago or so ago, everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly started grieving what I've lost and what I will continue to lose if I don't give up the pills. I decided to make an appointment with my drug counselor immediately (whom I met with a year ago) and told her I think I needed to go to treatment. She said she was proud of me and proceeded to call the inpatient rehab in my area. I was at rehab getting an evaluation an hour later, and they suggested 5-8 days inpatient followed up by 3 weeks or so of outpatient treatment. I'm also prescribed klonopin .5mgx2/day. I never thought of klonopin as my issue, because I've taken it as prescribed for 5 years, but they said the inpatient is for the benzo withdrawal; otherwise, inpatient probably wouldn't be necessary. Treatment is $550 per day, because my insurance doesn't cover substance abuse treatment. I'm to the point now where I want this to be over with so badly and get the real me back, but I can't afford treatment on my own. I told my family about a year ago that I had an issue with adderall. They're aware of it, but over time I slowly just kind of distanced myself, so I wouldn't have to discuss it with them. I have a wonderful mother who loves me dearly but worries herself sick about me. My dad is very wealthy and could afford to pay for my treatment, but I'm SO terrified to ask. He loves me but has always been a "Disneyland dad," and I have a serious issue with wanting his approval so badly. My best option is to ask him to support me, but I'm so afraid of failing and letting my family down. It sounds so irrational and overdramatic as I type this. I'm at a crossroads now. I KNOW I can't continue using, but I don't feel strong enough to do it on my own. I want to have peace and happiness for the many blessings in my life. I want my sense of humor back. I want to FEEL again without relying on a pill to dictate my life. I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions as to where to go from here. I would flush the pills down the toilet and move on with my life, if I wasn't so terrified. It's like losing a best friend.......a best friend who I've let wreck my life and let take way too much from me.
  9. Hi Friends

    I am not tech savvy at all, and am an Apple girl, but my boyfriend said Windows 10 has really screwed up his stuff, and made it much slower. It is weird that you are having a similar issue, so maybe it is the Windows 10. Other than that, I am clueless. It is annoying to have so many problems with a new product! I hope you get it sorted.
  10. Hi Friends

    It is great to hear from you both. Quit-once, how have you been?! LilTex, so glad to see you on here. You two got me through so much during those difficult times. I seem to have forgotten how dark those times were. Life is far from perfect, but it is real. I read some of the newly-quit posts, and I believe I need to be reminded. Those of you who are in the early, dark times of quitting teach me that I need to be reminded how grateful I should always be. I am due to have a Baby in five days. I am beyond excited. I know that adderall was my favorite thing ever when I was tired, so I have to remember that adderall is not an option matter how tired I get. Quit-once, what is new with you?
  11. I am so glad you two got to meet. I am here
  12. Hi Friends

    I have not been here in a long time, but I wanted to check in with my quitting friends! I feel bad I have been completely off of the boards for so long, because I owe my friends from this site so much for helping get and stay clean from adderall. I am going on four years adderall-free, and am so grateful. I want to hear updates from my old friends. I want all of you that are struggling to quit adderall that I truly did not think I could ever quit. It is possible, and so worth the battle!
  13. I miss my quittingadderall friends!

    I am glad to see you three active on the boards Cassie, I did not realize our quit dates were close. I thought you quit way before me. I think the biggest thing that changed between years 2 and starting year 3 is my job. I am glad I did not push myself in my first couple of years of quitting. Some people do, but for me, I think easing into living a productive life was better for me. The job I have been at for a year now is demanding with lots of hours, but it has given me confidence in my abilities to be successful in life and work. Zerokewl and quit-once, how are things going for you guys?
  14. Instagram?!

    I am ashmarie243. I need Instagram friends
  15. I am not sure why I have not been on here in such a long time. My phone did not have my password saved anymore, and I quit getting on, but I miss everyone. I do not think I can ever catch up with everything I have missed. The end of March marks my 3-year anniversary of quitting ADDERALL. I don't know why my phone keeps putting it in all capital letters. It does not deserve it. I feel like between year two and three has been by far the most improvement. I am extremely grateful to be free of ADDERALL. How is everyone?!