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I quit today.


The Legatus

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Hello everyone I've made it to day 8. I feel tremendously better about myself and then I ever did on adderall I will admit on day 5 I had a break down. I thought about killing myself, and hated everyone and everything and completely shut myself off to the world. I was mean to everyone around me and hateful towards them because I felt no one cared or was there for me. However I came back and re read your posts and they strengthened me. I came close to taking a pill that day but resisted. Now I don't even want them anymore and tonight with my girlfriend I am gonna flush the pills down the toilet and say goodbye to that person I was becoming and hello to my future happier self. I feel it's important to have her there because I want her to know I'm serious about us and working towards a better future and that together we can make it through as long as we work through it together. I'm about to go to the gym and start working towards returning to my former 185 muscled self. I am roughly 220 now so I know it'll be a long road but with God helping me it will easily be accomplished.

Thank you all of you. I know some of you may not be religious but I am and think of you as saints working so hard to help others. God gives us a burden so that we can become stronger and open our eyes to what we are capable of. It is our duty to not let that bright light we have been given to be snuffed out instead we must shine and lead others to his loving caring embrace.

-The Legatus

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Wow The Legatus, your post brings me to tears (OMG I feel an emotion)! That was so beautifully written and I am so glad to hear you are feeling better. Flushing the pills with your girlfriend sounds like an excellent bonding experience. Thank you so much for your super-motivating words. Hugs.

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No thank you Lea, thank all of you who have posted in this topic and on this site. For allowing me to see into your own person struggles, and life letting me know I'm not alone. That there is hope for brighter, better days ahead. That this mountain I see to be my addiction is actually a mole hill. Easily climbed and conquered. Each and everyone of us who actually want to quit want to be better can do it. Toss aside the I can't or I won't be able too attitude that plagues most of our conscience and embrace the freedom of being addiction free. I believe in all of us.

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I hope you are able to revisit these posts in the coming days and weeks, Legatus. You sound like you're up and down a lot, I was like that at the beginning and your post about wanting to end it all make me panic a bit... please make sure you tell your girlfriend about that so she can be fully aware of the strength of your emotions. You sound like you need each other right now.

Stay strong.

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Thank you so much for the honesty, the vulnerability,and exposing such deep personal emotions. It is a must,I think,to honestly cleanse oneself. It would be lovely if it was all a free ride on the clouds of pink. It isn't ...those days are there definetly but so are the bills to be juggled, the kids who can't agree to get along for even a 10 minute car ride...the job you have today but who knows as far as tomorrow, sickness and health...good times and bad. Its life .....and it wont stop because I have a problem with pills. I have to learn how to handle any circumstance without the escape of adderall. You got through the horrendous without swallowing a pill, I agree to keep a loved one privileged to the extreme emotional struggles,that can only strengthen an already strong bond. This has by far been the worst stretch of my life thus far ...do to many reasons ....the hole seems bottomless and the hurdles often look like fuckin sky scrapers....but I'm not using. I'm staring at life...complex as it is...free of adderall. Its a day to day challenge... but its a day with out the all consuming quest. I am thankful for that and for a site that surrounds me with people staring at all the same things as me....and succeeding.

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