Hello everyone,
I can't even begin to appreciate what this forum has to offer; I'm lucky that I can finally speak with people that I can relate too. So, I'm 23 years old as of now; about 5 years ago is when it all began. I use to be extremely fit, and energetic individual. When I was 17 years old I lost a lot of things in one year. This is where the substance abuse began. I was a heavy marijuana user, for a lot of years. I always new it was never good for; I knew it held me back. But, I was so depressed and suffered from low-self esteem, so I was seeking any kind of band aid to put over the wound. I began taking Adderall around that same time. The weed and Adderall together was my absolute favorite. Adderall made me everything I knew I was at the time, the euphoria, concentration, social godliness. Soon after I started taking it, I began abusing it. Another little bit of background, this is important. I am an avid musician/singer-songwriter; it is all that I've ever wanted to do with my life. I dropped out of college for it (although I think addy had some influence there), and gave up everything to pursue it. This is the only reason I justify to myself that its worth taking. I would literally practice 8 hours a day for years; the results where well worth it. But, as the years went by every time I looked in the mirror I recognized less and less of myself. Basically, I'm at the point where I finally understand the truth. I always thought the weed was the problem, but I realize the now the Adderall has always been the problem. I've always wanted to quit but I always went back for the script so I could go ham and write songs. This is typically how my last 2 years have gone. I would get my script of 20mg, and I would run out in about 8 days; granted I would probably sleep 2 days out of the 8. These binges were absolutely terrible but month after month I follow the same vicious cycle. I quit using the marijuana about 6 months ago. The only real difference I see is I'm not high lol. I am finally ready for what needs to be done. I quit using literally yesterday and that's because I went on another binge and I figured enough is enough. All this time I thought it was making me more creative; but quite the contrary it has been holding me back all this time. I know what is coming. I want to try and prepare for it. That is why I ask anyone out there or any kind of tips on kicking this. I always do fine the first 3 weeks, but that craving comes back with a vengeance towards the refill date. Has anyone else had this same experience? They justified using it for years to merely train a passion one could do when they are sober? I just want to be myself again; I want to be healthy; I don't want to be sleep deprived; I want to be able to be proud and refreshed; most importantly I want the old me back.