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About EstherEmily

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  1. Almost a year off of adderall!!

    Congratulations!!! So wonderful to hear.
  2. Terrified. Who even am I without adderall?

    Well said LilTex! It's scary quitting, Little Alice, especially in the beginning. But every single day things get better, even when you can't notice it. You can do this!
  3. Major life change... feeling sad

    I'm also six months clean. I can't imagine how hard a breakup would be right now, so my thoughts and prayers are with you! I stopped when I became pregnant, so I, too, have fears of relapsing once the baby is here. I told my husband of he ever finds out I'm taking Adderall again to make me choose between rehab or him and our daughter. I'm trying to make sure I'll be strong enough to never touch this crap again!
  4. Down the toilet- 30 Orange Ones

    We are with you, friend! You did the right thing by flushing those devils.
  5. Aniexty Overwhelming

    My anxiety has been so much worse since I quit. I've always had general anxiety and panic disorder, but all of my symptoms have worsened. What has helped me is going to church, but I understand if that's not your thing. And even with God's help I still struggle... I take some Benadryl when it's really bad, especially to fall asleep some nights.
  6. I hope this gets better soon...

    They say you have to hit rock bottom to quit, but that's not always the case. I was actually taking less than I had in the past couple of years when I found out I was pregnant and quit. I went from 70 mgs in 2014 (yes, my doc actually prescribed such a dose) to 40 mgs in 2015. Two months before I quit I had switched to 70 mgs of Vyvanse, which is equal to about 30 mg of Adderall. I was improving, but still abusing... Taking two on some days when I had a big project at work and such. I was planning to quit after my wedding, but I got pregnant five months before I was to walk down the isle. It was the best accident ever!
  7. I caved and got put on Zoloft after making it about three and a half months clean. I've been on them all, and Zoloft was chosen because it's the best one when you're pregnant. I was really hoping it would make my panic and depressing thoughts subside, and I guess it did to an extent, but I just couldn't handle the way it made me feel. I felt like a zombie, unable to feel neither great happiness or great sadness. But sometimes antidepressants do help, and each one is different for each person. In the past, Lexapro always worked best, though I had major weight gain with it. Good luck. Keep us posted.
  8. I feel nothing.. and it's a terrible feeling.

    Glad to know I'm not alone in the zombie feeling. It actually gives me hope to know that it takes two years. I'm six months clean and feel like I should be recovered by now, so I'm glad to know it's always getting better and better.
  9. I hope this gets better soon...

    I quit cold turkey when I found out I was pregnant, and I'll be honest - I had it much easier than you guys. I had no choice but to quit. The moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, a euphoric feeling came over me. I was going to be a mom! The choice to quit and stay sober has been easy.
  10. What was your most persistent recovery symptom?

    Six months clean and the worst recovery symptom has been boredom. Finding joy in anything can seem like such a chore. But I feel like it is getting better. Slowly but surely.
  11. Never Give Up!

    Thanks for sharing! I needed something like this today. God bless.
  12. Forgetting adderal

    The best of luck! Do whatever is best for your recovery. Never forget how wonderful life is getting every day we are sober... Even if we can't feel it.
  13. "Can I buy an addy off you?"

    I hated this. I actually told all my friends I quit before I actually did. Word of advice for anyone still taking Adderall... Don't tell people. Even your best friend can fall under Adderall's spell, and can you blame them? We all did.
  14. I just hit my six month mark a few days ago. I'm happy to hear it will only get better from here! The hardest part - as silly as this sounds - is missing the fun I had on Adderall. Staying up all night, chain smoking and playing computer games. That sounds so awful right now - but on Adderall it was pure euphoric bliss. Boredom has been harder to deal with than anything else.
  15. Quitting, Pregnant, New Job. FML

    I'm so sorry to hear. I'll keep you in my prayers! I quit the moment I found out I was pregnant and it's been the hardest thing to live through. If I had lost my baby I have no doubt I would have ran out to get my script the moment I could. I wish you the best of luck - you can do it!!!