Kimber

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About Kimber

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  1. Thank you both for your responses. Really helps to hear from people who have been there, family and friends try, but just don't get it. It is hard because it truly is like starting ALL over in life... my likes and dislikes are more gray and not as sharp, and some times just blah. Started working out for the first time in 20 years...something I certainly wouldn't have thought possible a year ago when I decided to quit.
  2. Whew. I can't believe it has been a year ago today that I tore up my last Adderall prescription. Physically I feel 100% better. Mentally I still feel "mushy" ... 17 years is a long, long, long time and it really probably became more a part of me than I cared to admit or could possibly understand. Feel like I'm treading water right now. Not really going anywhere and trying to not beat myself up about not going anywhere, because that is when I think "if i just could have a couple of Adderall to get me going again"... I'm ready for those thoughts to be GONE! And ready for something, I just don't know what.
  3. I keep trying to remind myself that almost 20 years is a long time to be on any medication and it formed many habits and thought processes that aren't necessarily congruent with my true nature and getting back on course may take some time...something that is so 180 from the adderall thought process of "pop a pill" and it will come attitude. I know I am a better friend, sibling, wife off adderall... I spend a lot of time alone and on adderall it was easier because it was like I wasn't alone. So now I need to figure out what to do with myself...20 years later. I just struggle with is it too late now....
  4. Do you feel like your personality changed either on Adderall or afterwards adapting to not having the Adderall personality? I feel like I almost don't know who I am sometimes....then sometimes I recognize someone.... I also find I struggle with just being okay with quiet...mentally and physically. I think I got so used to being jacked up, then crashing that that became the norm. So now quiet-time can make me feel very restless...Headspace app is helping. But sometimes just knowing others experience this helps.
  5. God I needed that...your post "four years ago today" brought me to tears. Thank you so much for sharing that. EXACTLY WHAT I needed today. whew. thank you.
  6. While I can't believe its almost been a year, August 10, 2017, I definitely feel like I've hit a wall. I used as prescribed for 17 years 10mg, then 30mg and the last 2 years was on 40mg IR/day, which I knew from the beginning was too much and didn't make me feel very good. I miss almost every day. I think about it every day...sometimes thinking I'm glad I'm not on it any more, sometimes wishing for way to concentrate again. The last couple of months have been a struggle with motivation and mood...more so than the first 6 months sober and am wondering if it is b/c its like "now what". I just started working out...first time in 20+years to try to help with the low mood and motivation and lack of concentration. What are other year long quitter's experiences? I don't want to get back on it. Just surprised I'm still struggling. Obviously my body has rid itself of it and should be healed as much as it is able to from whatever Adderall may have done. Just feel flat. I don't have a job and at this point don't even feel like I am hire-able...brain just doesn't work anymore...
  7. BPC 157

    How has it been? I've researched it some, but EVERYTHING gives me side effects. Still looking however....
  8. after yesterday, not so great, made me sleepy....ugh You can buy Novolin R at Walmart pharmacy without a prescription for $22.00. And just put it into a nasal spray container. Everything I've read sounded promising, just not much out there yet. So I'm skeptical now after not feeling the same effect as the first time. Just thought I'd see if anyone else had any experience with it.
  9. I'm at 10month off Adderall after using for 17yrs. I have unsuccessfully tried tons of supplements, nootropics, anti-depressants, vitamins only to find 9 times out of 10 I have horrible side effects that seemingly no one else experiences... The anhedonia is just debilitating sometimes. In searching for help with relieving anhedonia I came across using intranasal insulin. Tried yesterday for 1st time and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised. Nothing Adderall-like, but I'm really not looking for that, but a nice uptick in mood and energy. I am hesitant and leery, but after reading everything I can find on it's use, hopefully. Just wondering if anyone else has heard of or tried.
  10. This is first time I even remotely thought about the possibility of taking Adderall again, so after over 7 months...I guess not terrible. Just having a rough go right now and haven't had a "good" day in a couple of weeks makes me start searching pretty hard for a "remedy" and/or solution. Zero energy, motivation, drive, sad, ...just difficult right now. Sorry.
  11. Never thought something like high pollen levels would make me crave an Adderall to get me out of this COMA. I'm coming up on 8 months and was doing ok...until last 2 weeks or so. I've always been susceptible to allergies and guess never realized how much Adderall helped get through this season. I'm miserable...I use netipot b/c almost any medication causes me worse side effects...but my mind feels like it is broken. Any help reminding me why I don't want to just get 10mg/day rx ....I did not abuse, and used for 17 long years....this is extremely depression triggering... Sorry to whine...
  12. PAWS or something else wrong?

    Weird Frank,...you might be on to something...this last week on the cloudy days I've been coma-like on velcro sofa. The sunny days we've had this week I walked 4 miles outside with my dog. And I too take vit. D. I don't really "notice" anything from taking vitamins or not.
  13. Trying to get off adderall without CRASHING

    I feel same...7 months clean and my motivation comes from remotely being able to help someone else not go down this path or help them get to this point. I SOOOOO feel for those that were put on this medication as a child. For me a doctor recommended it at 30 years old when I started. IMO it is 100% cruel to put a child or young adult on this crap. THAT IS THE crime. Each doctor that writes this for someone under 18 should have to take it themselves, then see if they think it is something an 8 year old child should be on!!! Soooooo sorry Jade. BUT you are so incredibly strong and you can do it. Just say how can I get through just one day at a time and for me it was getting mad at Adderall for highjacking my life and I didn't it want to control one more minute of my life. Best of luck.
  14. PAWS or something else wrong?

    Ha. Sorry, but I’m sooo there, passing 7month, and eat better than my whole life, and exercise.. I am fairly positive I won’t be back on Adderall again. And like you, when I’m good, I’m good, then the low mood days come and I am frantically searching for an answer. While typing this I wonder if that itself isnt some residual Adderall stuff...both in maybe not accepting lows with the highs since Adderall is always trying to make our brains think its all about the highs and 2ndly the researching that i constantly did on Adderall?... But I really struggle with accepting that I’m having a down day, then I overthink it into “something” that is actually NOTHING! Just my mind spinning off and me following it... After quitting I did Genesight and it came back that Adderall was actually a drug in the “red”for me...for 17 years I guess...just did 23and me to about some other crap.... I’ve seen probably 8 doctors in last 2 yrs, spent so much money on tons of tests and am finally thinking it is adderall and/or how adderall sets you up to not learn to process negative feelings or thoughts and make those feeling or thoughts just another thing for your adderall brain to figure out. But it can’t. So long story short. I totally share this feeling and/or habit when I’m down...the last couple of days have been shit. Maybe seasonal stuff accerbates symptoms too...who knows
  15. Advice for quitting a third time

    Hi Catherine. Tapering didn’t work for me for a couple of reasons i think...I was soooo ready to be done with it and sickened with myself when I did use it, I was tired of bashing myself for using it and tired of knowing that if I had it around I probably use whatever I needed in my warped mind to get through the day and it was always not the amount I was supposed to be tapering on, then I’d feel guilty and that vicious cycle was motivating enough to make me tear up my rx. I was just soooo done, my body had had enough of Adderall damage. My mind NEVER SHUTS OFF. I tried to use Headspace using Adderall, between my heart beating out of my chest and my mind racing, it was impossible...Now at 7months I’m just at 10 minutes/day and for those 10 minutes i’m “Present” maybe 7 minutes. 7 minutes more than on Adderall. You are soooo ready and you know it. And you know it is going to suck, but you will feel so proud of yourself for making it through that first day, then week. Do NOT discount these steps. They are huge! I’m thinking of you.