Hi,
It's been 2 months since I quit, and it's not getting better. I've never been skinny without Adderall. It's the only thing that's ever been able to take my mind off of being obsessed with food. And that in itself was the biggest fucking relief. Especially because for what I want to do (music and acting), I HAVE to be skinny. There's a problem though - I'm a little addicted to Adderall. I didn't take more than I was prescribed, ever. Just 20mg a day. But that was enough to get me soaring high. I've wasted a lot of time on it, doing things I thought were important, that really weren't. I've isolated myself, and not cared about having friends or living life because of it. Just being skinny. And I took it on the weekends, even when I wasn't doing school, because I didn't wanna be hungry. So I decided to go off it, and see what happened. Now, I'm on the other end of the spectrum. The good news is my personality is better, I like to talk to people, and I'm nicer. The bad news is the weight is piling on, I can't stop eating, and all I wanna do is lay around and watch TV all day. Some days I gets bursts of motivation and go workout and eat healthy and do my online college. But most days I fail. I haven't gotten the motivation to write songs again. I didn't use to be this way before I ever took Adderall. Did Adderall mess up my brain for good? Do I have permanent ADD/Depression now? I don't know what to do. If I could be motivated and eat healthy and workout without it, I'd be better off without it overall. But that isn't what's happening. And I sleep 10 hours a night now - I never used to do that. Why is my brain not going back to normal?? I'm struggling, wanting to go back on it so I can be skinny again. I can't do what I love (music and acting) if I'm fat. I just can't. But I also don't wanna isolate myself from the world again. I don't know what the answer is. There are no Adderall support groups I can go to (not that I've been able to find). If anyone help give me some advice, it would be greatly appreciated. I know if I go back to a psychiatrist, they will tell me I NEED Adderall, just to make their money.....and that's not what I want. I want someone to tell me the truth. I've been signed to a major record deal before. I've got lots of followers online. I've got millions of views. I live in LA. I have the writing abilities. i have what it takes, to make things start happening for me again, I know I do. But I'm not moving forward. I've been at a standstill the past few years. Everyone gave up on me, and someone told me about Adderall, and it's been keeping me sane these past few years, and motivated to get my career back on track, but....despite the motivation, I haven't moved forward. I don't know if it's Adderall, or what it is that is standing in my way, but all I want is to do the thing that's gonna make me the most successful. Whatever that is - that's the thing I want to do. Whether it be sober, or on pills. So if anyone has any advice or opinions - please let me know. I'll be forever grateful!
Sincerely,
A v confused girl in need of some help.
