quit-once
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Posts posted by quit-once
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You did what you had to do. The pills are gone and now you can move on towards a better future, even if the short term withdrawals will suck. You have an incredible amount of self awareness even if you don't understand your addictive behavior...none of us really do understand our addictive selves. What is good is that you are leaving that part of your life behind for a better future, and you have my greatest respect for doing what needs to be done and moving on with life.
Knowing that you will always be able to get more pills should help with your resolve to stay off of them. Just make it incredibly difficult to obtain them so that you have to do some soul searching before searching for more pills. Also remember your own words about your lack of fear for the consequences of relapsing. In your case, the thing you must fear most is the lack of your own fear for what this horrible drug can do to you.
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It is because your metabolism changes without speed flowing through your veins all the time. It could be due to boredom or depression. And it could also be like LilTex said...that we don't usually eat very well or very much when using.
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Frank, That Sucks!! Nobody needs to be a victim or have that bullshit to happen to them.
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Let's go back to that moment you made the decision to refill. Was it really a spur of the moment decision or had you rationalized why this time, it would be different?
The reason I ask is because relapses are usually planned. Once the relapse decision has been made, however, it is not to late to change your mind again and find a distraction to delay getting the drug. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes of distraction and the urge to use subsides. Coming here when you feel weak is certainly one of the best distractions you could employ to avoid another painful relapse.
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I have been reading some of your other posts and I am really glad that you came by and let us know how you are doing. I am also really happy that your quit has been successful, and congratulations on your upcoming baby!
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It's interesting how successful one's Quit can be when coupled to the coming and going of the people in their lives. In your case, Elaina, it is all about beginning motherhood and the lifetime of responsibility that motherhood brings with it. In my case, it was the death of my mother that helped bring about the substantial lifestyle changes needed to make my quit successful after the first serious attempt. I have also read other's stories about spouses and significant others coming into and going away from their lives that made the Quit stick.
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It will either work right away or not at all. For me, phenylalanine was just like L-Tyrosine, Lions Mane, fish oil, or St Johns Wort and it worked the same day I took the supplement.
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I used phenylalanine 20 years ago. I had summertime depression and I learned taking phenylalanine might help. I loved it. However, It was a one-summer fling. I kept the bottle around for another ten years, but it never worked like it did that first summer I tried it, or maybe I never needed it that bad again?. It is just an amino acid so as long as you don't have phenylketoneurea, Try it out! Aspartame (diet coke) contains phenylalanine. I think it is a precursor to dopamine but first it must be converted to L-Tyrosine. It made me really happy, in the same way L-tyrosine does. "Happy to be alive and experiencing life" is how I remember it made me feel.
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Duffman, What you have shared with us is a lesson that most of us have learned in our own ways, but only after quitting. It's just another way that this drug lies to its users to keep them blindly taking it. I have reviewed some of my writing done on Adderall, works that I thought were worthy of publishing or sharing, and there is nothing special about them, in fact some of my writing is just trash. Once I wrote a one page article that I was just so fucking proud of that I had to share it with my doctor to show him how beneficial Adderall was for me and try to justify an increase in dosage (it didn't work). That article took me about two days to research and write. I won't say it was trash but it was just an average work that I could create in a couple of hours now.
So I believe your main point is worth repeating:
"Adderall gives you the feeling that you are capable of doing anything but does not necessarily improve your performance on anything".
In fact, with time, your performance on almost everything gets worse because of Adderall and nothing important seems to get done.
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ZK, I am going to throw out some rambling thoughts on your situation. I read your post this morning so I have a little feedback for you.
You are right that your dad is trying to spur you into action by pissing you off. Sometimes that works well for some people. Whenever somebody told me I could not do or be something it pissed me off enough to prove them wrong. I think your dad means well and has your best interest in mind.
I don't have much advice regarding the weed. I use it a few times a week without guilt. I can take it or leave it. If it helps you cope and keeps the depression away or at least gives you a temporary respite from reality then view it as medicine not a recreational drug. If you are concerned that it is causing damage to your life or you feel an addiction to it developing, then back off the smoke for a while.
Moving on to your list:
I think item number 3 is the cause of 1,2, and maybe 4, and it may be the cause of your underemployment, so your dad's advice is spot on. Some people have medical conditions or metabolic issues that make it almost impossible to lose any weight. If that is your case, I am very sorry for your situation. If you are otherwise healthy and normal then losing weight should be your number one priority. Give it the same level of importance you gave to quitting Adderall 3 years ago....like your life depends on it. Join an online weight loss forum like fat secret or Adkins. Set a goal and don't stop until you get there, no matter what. And like HC said above, maybe you will need to reduce the weed in order to start losing weight. I know that I consume at least 500 more calories per day just from mindless munching on the days I do smoke. Regarding #4 whothefuckknows? Starting friendships or relationships is something I will always struggle with for many reasons so I just keep a pet dog.
The brain fog #1 is simply a component of depression so once you get your shit together that should cure itself. Or you could try some fish oil mixed with Gingko which I just had amazing results with lately. Use food as a motivator for item #2 - like your next meal or snack won't be possible until "whatever" gets done first. Try the same tactic with sleep. But always get enough sleep because lack of sleep makes more belly fat.
These are just a few things that have worked for me and I am just offering some friendly suggestions and I'm not "telling" you what or how to do things.
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I recently found a fish oil / gingko combo supplement at GNC. They are these huge, black capsules and rather hard to swallow. But, they don't cause any fish oil side effects. I had been taking it for about a week and I experienced several episodes of clear thinking and good ideas. In fact, once I thought "this is how Adderall made me feel, what have I been doing or eating differently?" Then I remembered I had bought that new supplement and had been taking it almost daily. I have never really tried gingko before but I think I will keep taking these things for a while longer.
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Frank, Where are they?
​There are a lot more people who hang out here than you might think. They just have not registered as members or they simply choose not to post. Lots of people come here to browse the articles and other helpful information. Lots of people are simply not joiners for whatever reasons. They get what they need by just reading the forums and articles. In the five years I have been here, I have seen the traffic increase at least four fold. If you go to the main forum home page, you will see that there are regularly 50-80 people using this site at any given time, yet only a few are members. And there is nothing wrong with that. However someone can come to the decision to quit and find the tools to do so on their own is a good thing. It is also a good thing there are people like you, who provide new posts and content for everyone to digest. Thanks to everyone who regularly posts on this forum for making it an interesting and diverse community. And a huge Thanks to Mike for setting up this place and paying the bills, without advertisers or constant requests for donations to keep the site running.
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This addiction collects its "dues" on the back end. Think of it like you got a lot of extra chemical help to get stuff done, deal with depression, figure things out, do projects, etc. while you were using. Now it is time to pay the piper in the form of a painful recovery that can last several months. Consider yourself lucky if it didn't all come crashing down while you were still using. Everybody has to experience some kind of a low point or "rock bottom" to make them realize that life must be better on the other side. The intensity of your painful recovery will lessen with time so don't think you will endure two years of Hell by any means. It will gradually get better, but in a non linear manner. Hang in there, it's worth it. The only way to get to the other side is to go through it, or as Winston Churchill said: "if you're going through Hell, keep going".
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You will be amazed at the results, especially the way you feel with more energy. Overall, my days became more productive when I cut or eliminated the lunchtime carbs. My general rule is if a food has more than 10-15 grams of carbs per serving I will just not eat it...... unless it is a natural, unprocessed food like rice, beans, potatoes, or any vegetable.
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There have been a few times in my life when I needed the services of a therapist/councilor, and it helped every time. I was usually able to get things worked out in a few months.
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What was your most persistent condition of Adderall recovery and how long did it last?
Was it also your most annoying symptom?
When I think of "recovery symptoms", I think of depression and all components of depression like: anxiety, anhedonia, indecision, sadness, dwelling on negative thoughts, lack of motivation and the inability to focus on things that matter. Other Adderall recovery symptoms include weight gain, vulnerability to relapse, general laziness, difficulty thinking straight, muscle twitches, poor sleep, and constant cravings for the drug or thinking about it all the time. I'm sure there are many, many others.
For me, the most persistent thing was the lack of motivation and it lasted well into my third year after quitting, although my motivation started returning around 10 months. Constantly thinking about Adderall was the most annoying symptom during my first year. The muscle twitches in my legs and feet persist even now, although they are barely noticeable, and my memory is less reliable now than it was before I took Adderall.
What about your recovery symptoms?
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Yes, I had a blood test at a health fair after quitting and it showed I was low in vitamin D. I took supplements and fixed it. I have heard from at least three others around here they also had low vitamin D after quitting. In response to your question, Wellness, I believe nutritional support is essential for a successful recovery because nobody eats well while they are pursuing their addiction.
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I took L-tyrosine almost every day for about three years. 500 mg first thing in the morning on empty. And if I felt like I needed more in the afternoon I would take it again. I never developed a tollerance to it. I gradually grew out of the desire to take it anymore on a daily basis. It really helped me cope in the aftermath of my addiction. If my mood needs a boost, I will certainly use it. I just love the happy, uplifting feeling it gives me later in the day. I never had many side effects from taking it as long as I stayed with 500 mg at a time. Regarding Frank's comment, I do beleive there is a huge difference between brands in the quality of this supplement.
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It took over four years after quitting before I understood my own symptoms of depression. I also thought it was just feeling sad and hopeless and it usually strikes me during the dark season (winter months). I remember the anhedonia (lack of pleasure or joy from anything in life) really kicking my ass the first month after quitting. But I did not know that anxiety, anhedonia, indecision and feeling overwhelmed and lack of motivation were all symptoms of depression. And I didn't know it could rear its ugly head in the summer or come back four years after quitting. Last summer, I googled the symptoms of depression and realized it wasn't suddenly too much coffee giving the anxiety. I wish I understood the causes of depression besides the obvious chemical imbalance of recovering from taking too much Adderall. There must be other causes besides bad life events and Adderall recovery because sometimes I still find depression setting in for no good reason at all.
The good news is that episodes of depression are just that - short term periods where everything sucks and then things usually get better. Now that I know what some of the symptoms are. I will do anything short of taking drugs or drinking too much to kick its ass before it takes hold. The supplements L-Tyrosine and St Johns Wort are effective for me if I take them right when I notice those familiar bad feelings creeping into my life. I also view depression just like thoughts of relapsing - in that they are not deserving of my mental energy so I try to change my thinking channels, find a distraction (like posting or reading here) or call somebody who I can chat with.
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Three
Congratulations. Three years is a huge event. Thanks for sticking around, HC
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Introvert here as well. I was an ISTJ 30 years ago and I don't think my overall personal type has changed that much.
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I just got a new HP Envy computer last weekend. I tried going cheap with a low end 250 dollar HP at first and it was just too slow. So I took it back to Best Buy and traded up during their 14 day return window, and I am thrilled with this new machine. It has Windows 10 and an Edge web browser. I had been limping along with a six year old Compaq that still works OK for posting on forums, but that is about all I could do because the web browser was so slow. Also, I have found that everything WORKS again, even on this web site....like the quote button, copy and paste features, and the emoticons. And so far I have not lost any posts in the draft stage.
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Here is a link to an discussion thread that may be of interest to you: " Has adderall affected your physical health?" It is in the general discussion forum in case I can't get the link to work. http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/1764-has-adderall-affected-your-physical-health/
Yippie, I think it worked.
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It never caused me a headache but it wouldn't hurt to Google "lions mane headache".
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