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quit-once

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Posts posted by quit-once

  1. I only have problems with alcohol when I drink too much.  Too much = hangover and disruption of my daily life, or getting sick.  I was drinking vodka earlier this year and found myself hungover too often (only a few times but that was still too often).  It was causing depression and self-doubt.  So I switched to light beer.  I have a few hard rules about drinking that I almost never break: no drinking before 3 PM.  no drinking after supper.  always eat supper.  Even following those rules, I still couldn't regulate my vodka dose very well and would drink too much.  What concerns me is the similarity to certain rules I had while using Adderall.  My "addy rules" worked well to keep me a functional addict for over five years because I refused to let it become a daily habit.  Until it did.  I kept my dosage under 120 mg /day, until I didn't.  Once I got my own prescription, it was all over for responsible use.

     

    BeHereNow stated the truth when she said alcoholism is a progressive disease.  All addiction is progressive.  But alcohol is a different kind of addiction for me.   Beer is mostly a summer food and I lose my taste for it when the weather cools.  I can just as easily have one beer or three.  I can drink daily, until I get tired of it and not drink for a few days.  What I am trying to say is that for me, alcohol consumption is usually self-limiting because I really HATE the disruption of my sleep patterns and the unproductive nature of the hangover.  Alcohol is a depressant and using it to "treat" depression is like...self defeating.

    • Like 1
  2. My quote button is broken.  Back in post #9 of this thread you said you plan to continue seeing the therapist who caused your last relapse.  Does she promote the use of Adderall?  She might be a bad influence and too easy of a source of pills when you start second-guessing your Quit.  If you don't want to admit you abuse Adderall to her, then give her a bullshit story you had an allergic reaction and got deathly ill and can't take them anymore.  Or find another shrink. 

    • Like 3
  3. catW66:

    I too timed my Adderall Quit so I was less affected by SAD.   I quit in early June and by the next March I was feeling a lot better.  I feared the depression and related SAD more than anything and it really wasn't as bad as I had imagined.  But for you, now IS a good time to quit completely as long as you have a plan to battle the depression and SAD without more hard drugs.  Things like L-Tyrosine, fish oil, St.Johns Wort, Vitamins B,C, and D and good nutrition can really help you get through the rough spots.  Good luck and congratulations on your decision to completely quit today.

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  4. haha, I am still attempting to complete some of the projects I started on Adderall at least five years ago.  Most of those unfinished projects are worth getting done...if only I had the confidence and motivation to get back into them. 

  5. I did not realize that GERD was a possible symptom of Adderall recovery until well into the second year of my Quit.  I learned about it around here.  It was really uncomfortable at times.  And it really fucked with my sleep.  My stomach has recovered well, although I had to make permanent diet modifications.  Even now, the wrong foods or drinks, too much or too late, will trigger a bout of heartburn.  My stomach was changed by an Adderall addiction.....  or maybe its just middle age or something else...who knows?

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  6. CarpeDiem: I want to wish you a hearty congratulations for being the first graduate of this new discussion thread!   Thanks for requesting we start this Thread,  and thanks for sticking with it and posting through your first 90 days of recovery.  You Rock!  Please play at least a dollar on #23 when you pass the roulette table. 

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  7. Anxiety is part of depression and depression is part of the recovery process. Tyrosine worked well for me at 500mg once or twice per day. I have also used fish oil and st. Johns wort and vitamin d to battle the bouts of depression. Too much coffee when depressed causes me to have crippling anxiety.

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  8. Sounds like you really need to get off speed for good.  60 days is a really good start.  No need to worry about psychosis this far into your recovery, unless you are psychotic.  You are only 18 years old so recovery should be fairly swift.  Unless you think you really need to stop using caffeine, I suggest you maintain it as an option during your early days of Adderall recovery.

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  9. Welcome, Serena.  Your post helped to remind of my "ahah moment"...the epiphany I had a few months before I quit.  I realized my addiction to Adderall was simply unsustainable.  I was no longer willing to go to the ends of the earth to ensure I had enough Adderall.  And it quit working.  Good luck with your quit.

    What will be different about this Quit that will make it the last one?

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  10. I should have figured out your name change scheme before now.  I just thought your old self went on vacation or something.  Seven months.  Good for you!  I felt measurably different with more energy and motivation around nine months.  Also, congrats on your new identity.  Are you a closet Schizo or did you just take a sudden liking to the new doge?  I like the new name and picture...a cool-looking, smiley, shades-wearing DOG is easier for me approach than a stern looking, grumpy-faced CAT.  I think I will also change my picture sometime soon....maybe I'll even get ticker for my signature line. 

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  11. I have gotta comment on your study  stash dilemma.

    When I quit, I quit with a stash of pills in my safe deposit box.  Lots of them, like over 100.  The box key was not readily accessible.  About five months into my Quit, I started to obsess over them and felt temptation and they started calling out to me.  So I got rid of them and I have lived Adderall free for about four years now.   When I got rid of them, I had help from my best friend in 1) taking them off my hands, and 2) helping me accept the fact that there would never be a good reason to take them, ever again in my life, unless I was dying and wanted to go out on a high note.  Not a good enough reason to risk a possible relapse.

     

    I am concerned that you are saving your last few pills for a specific purpose (study) and in a short time frame.  Almost a guarantee that you will use them again.  I suggest that you make a stronger commitment to yourself that you really need to quit for the duration of your lifetime in order to seek a happier future for yourself.  Sitting on that fence is uncomfortable.  Occasional use is NOT an option.  Abstinence is the only way I have stayed Adderall and nicotine free.   

    • Like 2
  12. You have asked a couple of really good questions here.  "How do you stay aware and be vigilant?

    Congratulations on solving this problem all by yourself.  "Constant awareness" is the perfect screen name for you.  Every time you log on here you will read that and it will remind you to NEVER let your guard down.  Every time I see my name "quit once" I am reminded that relapse and quitting again is simply not an option if I care about my reputation around here.

    Your second question, how do you tell yourself that taking adderall "just once in a while" is never OK?  You have to accept the number one rule of addiction:  once you have crossed the line from occasional and responsible use to abuse and bingeing and addiction, you can NEVER return to casual use, without eventually returning to the addiction..  I have never met or heard of anybody who has gone back across that line and lived happily ever after. 

    • Like 1
  13. Give your new job one full year before you make any determination whether you suck or not.

    One thing is certain...that if you went back on speed you would suck at everything while thinking you were doing just great. 

    Adderall sucks.  Addiction sucks.  Relapsing sucks.  Learning a new job?  just another one of life's great challenges.

    • Like 2
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