quit-once
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Sorry to hear you have been struggling, LilTex. It sounds like you have done some soul searching regarding the causes of your struggles which is essential to getting it all worked out, I hope you are getting some help or support for the issues in your life that led you to your small but substantial relapse. Not only to Adderall but the alcohol too. No matter how bad things may seem, they get even worse when substance abuse and (return to) addiction are thrown in the mix. What's in your toolbox, LilTex? I can think of several tools you already have that just need to be dusted off and used to fix that "flat tire". Lets open that toolbox now. You have your membership in this website and you have helped so many people over the years with your thoughtful posts and responses. You also have your smart recovery group. You have a new place to live away from Texas where your addiction flourished. You have your faith and prayer. You have your athletic body and the drive to train and work out. Can you add any more items to this inventory?
Regarding your ADHD support group, I don't know. I have always thought that ADD was a bullshit diagnosis and the only time I believed in it was when I needed to justify my Adderall addiction. Accepting that you have the symptoms and traits of ADHD is fine, especially if you can embrace them as a part of who YOU are as an individual. But most folks with that "disorder" have turned to stimulants at some point in their life and stimulants make everybody feel better about everything, in the beginning. Some people can take their meds for years without abusing or increasing their dosages, but we don't hear much from those kind of people around here because their lives haven't fallen apart from the addiction........yet.
((Hugs)) back to ya. LilTex, and I admire your strength to pick yourself back up and continue on with your life substance free, however difficult that may be. I also admire your courage for coming here and coming clean.
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Last weekend I saw my best friend for the first time in several months. He was one of my addie buddies and I have known him since 7th grade. He had quit for about 2.5 years. I don't get it.
He abused Adderall for over ten years and was completely unable to take it responsibly. It sent him into psychosis and landed him in the hospital for a week or two. I thought that would be enough to make him forsake the drug forever. He had also quit smoking for over a year but now he is back on the cigs as well. I just don't get it.
When he mentioned how much he loved taking Adderall, I ignored it. I didn't want to hear that. Maybe I should have been more judgmental or confrontational?
After being free from that awful addiction for over 3.5 years, the thought of going back just turns my stomach inside out. Why would anybody relinquish their freedom to that mind fucking, soul sucking drug called Adderall?
I don't know what, if anything, I can do to help him. I am just sad that it happened. Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated.
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1) What do you think I should expect over the next couple of months regarding my energy and motivation? How might I feel at the six-month and one-year mark?
2) Has anyone ever fully recovered from taking Adderall?
3) Any suggestions regarding supplements or ideas to help with energy and motivation in the short run?
Since I was on Adderall for less than two-years, I am hoping that my recovery time may be a bit shorter. That said, I am prepared for the possibility that recovery may take two or more years. My wife is great (so no concern there) - but if I had to quit my job due to lack of energy in order to recover, I would do it. This experience has really helped me realize how important it is to put my health first.
I admire your resolve to make your Quit work. Failure is not an option. I saw a quote from one of our wise members that helped me to understand the scope of recovery. He said that essentially recovery is a function of three things: 1) how much you took (dosage) 2) how long you used it 3) your age. Compared to many of us, your dosage was relatively moderate and the length of time you used it was reasonably short. In my case, I used it for nine years @100-150 mg per day at the end of my addiction. I was in my late 40's when I quit. Knowing what to expect from recovery really helped me get through it.
My timeline of recovery looked something like this: 0-10 weeks- little or no energy / motivation, bouts of depression, and poor mental performance and weight gain. Hunger and boredom, balanced by an incredible sense of new found freedom. At 3-9 months more of the same but it gradually got better with more good days than bad days. 9 months to 1 year - my energy gradually returned. 1-2 years - my motivation slowly came back. Mental clarity finally returned during my third year of recovery. Keep in mind that recovery is NOT a linear process and there will be periods of time when you just don't keep moving forward. I suggest you do a little research on PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). Everybody recovers at a different rate.
Regarding your three questions:
#1 - I just tried to answer it above
#2 - I think everybody can fully recover from this awful addiction as long as they remain 100% abstinent and don't pick up another addiction during or after their recovery. In my case, I had a trifecta of addictions I had to shed: Adderall, nicotine, and sugar. I think they were all interfucked with each other and to quit one I had to quit them all. Frankly, I feel 100 % recovered and I have never felt healthier and more mentally stable in my entire life. My mind (memory) is not as sharp as it used to be but I will never know if that is a result of the addiction or simply a by-product of middle age.
#3 - The supplements that worked for me were L-Tyrosine for combating depression, fish oil for memory, and Lions Mane Mushroom supplement for mental clarity. I was vitamin D deficient so I took that for about a year in addition to a multivitamin. I currently don't take anything on a regular basis. Caffeine pills, 5 hour energy, vitamin B-12 sublingual tabs, coffee, redbull and any other non-drug stimulant are all fair game for an energy boost when you need it. Regarding motivation, I never did find a replacement for the quick fix of an Adderall pill, and unfortunately, motivation was the last thing to return in my recovery process.
Good luck with your recovery program - you certainly have the right attitude to make it work.
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I just wanna know what everyone else has been taking to crutch the adderall gap.
I assume you mean the energy gap? Right after quitting, I found these pills at GNC called Thermo Burst Hard Core that has herbs and caffeine. Every time I craved a (Adderall) pill I just took one or two of those spicy red pills. I also used 5 hour energy, vitamin B-12 sub-lingual tabs, and lots of coffee for the energy gap. I had developed a pill habit on Adderall - whenever I got tired or needed a boost I would just take more Adderall. So having something (that was not a drug) to take that gave me a feeling of instant energy really helped to bridge the transition from an addiction to a more normal life. After about a year I lost the need for an energy supplement or a quick fix for laziness.
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I have taken Lions Mane for about the last 1.5 years. I buy it at Whole Foods - Host Defense brand - and I usually take two 500 mg capsules per day, so a bottle of 60 capsules lasts me about a month.
When I first began taking it, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that my mental clarity and working memory had returned. By taking Lions Mane and fish oil supplements, I believe they have helped to rebuild and heal my brain from the damage caused by years of Adderall abuse and ending the brain fog that is so prevalent in early recovery.
One down side of taking them, I have observed lately that I tend to over-think things instead of just getting shit done. So, I mostly quit taking them about two months ago. I still take it occasionally if I feel mentally slow. The other brain supplements I still take are L-Tyrosine and fish oil. I noticed a decline in my working memory when I tried to quit taking fish oil (after about a month), but no down side to not taking the Lions Mane.
I believe taking Lions Mane was essential to rebuilding my brain from the damage caused by Adderall. But I also believe that brain rebuilding process is mostly complete 3.5 years after quitting, and I do not plan on taking the Lions Mane or any other supplement or pill on a regular basis.
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I have a friend who used a lot of speed back in the 80's and she said it really screwed up her teeth. I have other friends who used a lot of meth and now they have dentures. During my years on Adderall, I was aware of the risk so I took extra calcium supplements. I believe that speed leaches the calcium from your teeth and bones and other places where it is needed. Despite taking the calcium and having good dental hygiene, I still had more dental issues towards the end of my 9 year habit. In fact, my teeth were so weak that I had to give up eating nuts until about a year after quitting.
In the 3.5 years since quitting, I have not had a cavity. I have had some issues with fillings breaking and crowns coming off, in fact I have to get fitted for another crown tomorrow because of a cracked molar. But in general, my teeth and the rest of my body are much better off since quitting Adderall.
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Occasional, you really summed it up well with this post. On this website, spam is like vandalism. I just don't get it, at all. I don't understand what a spammer hopes to gain by spamming these boards. The non-commercial nature of this web site is a pretty sacred and unusual thing on the internet. And the spammers of the world try to screw it up for all of us who come here for support. If a spammer had anything positive to contribute in their posts, I would consider not deleting it. But these spammers are cowardly assholes only interested in flinging spam for their own personal gain. If there are any spammers reading this, I challenge you to respond on this thread. Please help me to understand what results you hope to achieve by spamming this forum which is so helpful to everyone in the process of quitting stimulants.
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Completely agree. I smoked about a pack a day then kicked both habits around the same time. Between not buying adderall and smokes, I have saved about six thousand dollars each year!
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I won't wade into a discussion about the chemistry of jack3d or jack3dmicro. Bu I do remember posts from Sebastion and Kyle Chaos and more recently from AlwaysAwsome and maybe Sweet C too about the evils of those GNC pre-workout supplements and their chemical similarities to amphetamines. Early on in my recovery, I took a GNC pill called "thermoburst hardcore" whenever I needed a boost from a pill. It worked. But as I advanced in recovery, I just didn't need them or want to take it as much. It made me feel hot and tingly, kinda like Adderall did. That thirst for stimulation evolved into shots of 5 hour energy and also redbull. I still love sugarfree Redbull and I buy it by the case at Costco. And oddly enough, I have hung on to a bottle of Thermoburst Hardcore "just in case" I need that high level of stimulation, although I have not taken it for over a year. I still take things like Tyrosine, Lions Mane, Fish Oil or Red Bull whenever I need a "pill fix" for my mood or my brain. Jack3d might not be addictive, but if it makes you feel bad after taking it maybe you should just trash them and move on. Were you taking it for the buzz, for the weight loss effect, or for some other reason?
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Hi Mark, and welcome to the Forum.
I think you are doing the right kind of mental work that will lead to long-term success of being stimulant free. You have acknowledged many of the benefits of being under the influence of speed. You have also realized the damage to your life and health that this addiction has caused. I read in another one of your posts that you are now enjoying music again - that was one of the first things I noticed about being Adderall free too.
I don't know much about straterra but I hope it is not another stimulant drug. Speed is speed and it's all bad once you have been bitten by the addiction bug. This addiction develops quicker and becomes more unsustainable than many others.
Good luck with your recovery and you might want to consider trying L-tyrosine for the depression and fish oil for the brain fog.
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Day 27. Just got off the phone from cutting off the doctor. Feeling scared but free.
Great! this demonstrates true sincerity in your determination and wholehearted effort to make this quit stick. You have got this!!
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Welcome to this forum, Brandon. You seem really sincere and determined to quit. You have been on that coaster ride so you know how shitty these first few days of recovery can be. I think it's great that you have reached out to so many different avenues of support to help you kick this awful addiction. We are all here for mutual support and gain strength from the group.
If you are struggling with depression or brain fog, you may want to try L-tyrosine and fish oil supplements, and maybe a vitamin D pill as well. Good Luck! and I hope to hear more from you on this forum.
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Krax, I completely agree with your perspective here. Spot ON!! I used to think that maturity was something we achieved in our 20's. But now I believe that mental and emotional and spiritual maturity constantly evolve through one's lifetime. Sometimes I compare my behavior and ways of thinking to how I was pre-Adderall. But I am really glad I am where I am now, instead of constantly seeking that "spark" by any means possible.
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((HUGS)) to you Ashley!
I think it is great you are trying to get to the bottom of this issue. Life is too short to sleep it all away! I feel my best when I have gotten around seven hours of sleep per night but everybody has different needs. The longer I sleep the more tired I feel the next day.
I really hope you don't have narcolepsy, but just in case you do here is my two cents:
First - take the stimulant option off the table. I really do believe that bridge has been burned and there is no going back without a return to your addiction. Good for you for being adamant and honest with this Dr. regarding your past issues. I might be completely fucking wrong, too, and maybe there is such a thing as a non-speed stimulant.
Secondly - find another doctor if this guy even suggests going back on stimulants. But maybe there are no other options...leading to my third point, which is to bag the traditional medicine approach and seek alternative treatment - like naturepathy, reflexology, hypnosis, or Eastern (oriental) medicine. there are probably many more options. No point getting too wrapped up in it until you have a diagnosis or rule out narcolepsy. Maybe you could send a PM to Freedom's Wings, as she struggles with narcolepsy. Maybe she could tell you about the symptoms. I don't know much about it but it is my understanding that narcolepsy causes one to just fall asleep uncontrollably during the day, rather than (or in addition to?) requiring long uninterrupted periods of sleep. There also might be other diseases or conditions that cause a great need for sleep. I am glad you are finally trying to fix it. good luck.
Did you require this much sleep before beginning your Adderall journey?
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Thank you, dear interweb friends!
I listened to your advice and made the choice to forgive myself and get back into the quitting groove.
I ended up coming clean to my BF right after I posted on here. He was very supportive and promptly locked up his meds. I felt so much better after coming clean and talking to him about my slip up.
I made the choice NOT to dwell on my "relapse" or continue to punish myself with negative feelings.
Instead, I identified the emotional "trigger" that lead to me taking the pills.
I am not feeling half as good as I did pre-relapse
I have nothing but praise and support for all of the above statements! You really do have a healthy attitude about this process, and make no mistake - quitting is a process as well as an event.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing the details of your relapse and for exploring its causes from within. Reading relapse stories like yours and ZK's cig relapse are why I hang around here over three years post quit. I must have these constant reminders of the horrors, guilt and shame for returning to those two awful addictions (speed + cigs).
Getting back into the quitting groove as soon as you did is a really good thing, GDTRFB. I am sure you will succeed!
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I have not been impressed with the quality of GNC products lately. Their multivitamins caused me muscle cramps and insomnia. Their fish oil products come back to make fish burps all day long and they make my ears ring. The only thing I go there for anymore is L-Tyrosine and that is only because I have not looked for it anywhere else. Regarding their speed-like pills, I would stay away from all of it.
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Today I listened to an interview with the General in charge of recruitment for the US Army on NPR radio. He said they require somebody who has been on ADD meds to be off of their meds for at least one year before the Army will consider letting them join.
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How will this time be any different when that magic day of the month comes around again? Have you cancelled your script? Are there any consequences for failure and relapse?
Congrats for getting through the first five days of your recovery!
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When my binge usage turned into a daily habit, I knew I had an addiction problem. But it was such a gradual process, there wasn't one single moment when I said, "Oh fuck, now I am addicted to this shit".
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I am happy for you, Betterread. After the first year, life without stimulants gradually becomes the new normal. I started looking back to my addiction less often and looking toward the future with more and more optimism during my second year of recovery.
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I know you have a very specific plan for how to handle wayward pills and you have practiced it several times now. That is so important - to know how to dispose of them, and quickly. My plan is to flush those fuckers or otherwise destroy them ASAP, but I have never had to put my plan into action cuz I have never found even one wayward pill, yet, but there are still many places they could be lurking.....
This thread is a good reminder to everybody who has quit that you really do need to think about this scenario ahead of time in order to avoid a moment of stupidity leading to an unintended impulsive act of relapse.
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The article link did not work for me
. But the link to the website did work and there is some good information and articles posted there.
With the science of Addiction Medicine in its infancy, I hope that more people will consider addiction as a disease rather than a behavioral disorder. Wouldn't it be great if every drug came with an explicit set of instructions like: how to enjoy the drug recreationally without becoming addicted to it?
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- I have learned that no matter what I am going through (no matter how difficult of a struggle), that it will pass.
I just learned this lesson myself.
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Thank you all for your responses, glad to see other people can relate with what I'm going through, maybe I should go to an AA/NA meeting (since alcohol is an issue as well) and try to get support face to face.
-Chuck
Using alcohol to treat depression is like trying to put out a fire using gasoline. Treating depression with a depressant? I suggest you get a handle on the alcohol issues because you may be simply substituting one addiction for another, and that outcome is never good.
"For me I can't be social without adderall or alcohol, and staying away from both has just made me bored with life and anti-social."
Please take this statement to your new therapist or an AA meeting . It will be a very good place to begin your new relationships.
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Please No More Spam
in Lounge (off-topic stuff)
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New member registrations had to temporarily halted to get control of the spam problem. Mike is working on a fix. He has also cleaned up all of the recently deposited spam in the lounge and elsewhere on the website. A big thank you to Mike for creating and maintaining this community without commercial sponsorship!