quit-once
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Posts posted by quit-once
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One of my absolute favorite things about being adderall free is not having the god awful depression that came when the adderall wore off. Another favorite thing is not having to be in a coma like sleep for days on end when I ran out of my prescription early. Emotional instability is a byproduct of addiction. I love feeling stable.
I never realized how detrimental taking adderall (and also nicotine & sugar) was for my depression until after quitting. I thought it helped but the ups and downs of binge using actually made my depression worse than it needed to be. I too love the emotional and mental stability that comes with an addiction-free lifestyle. I love having a body and a mind I can depend on.
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Finding any post you started or even replied to within the last year is fairly easy, as you are already know. There is a feature on your profile page that allows you to look back over the last year to all of your compositions. To look for something further back in time, you must manually hunt it down. this could be difficult if you are looking for certain responses you gave.
If you go to the top of the forum page, just under "general discussion", all the pages of every post ever made on this board are listed. For the genreal disciussion forum, we are on something like page 24, with page 1 being the "beginning of time" in the fall of 2010. So if you go to page 2 or page 3 you will be in the time frame of when you joined up. If you started any new topics, just scan the topic titles for your name, but if you are looking for certain responses, you ,may have to search each topic you replied to. Of course, there will be a star by the topics you responded to. By the way, Tinybudda, I read a lot of your early posts while I was planning my quit and while in early recovery before I joined in Aug 2011. Your posts back then really inspired me.
I also rely on my teammate and fellow administrator Zerokewl for technical advice when it comes to computer things. Maybe ZK has found a way to use the search feature?
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Chris and Marissa, you both are in a good frame of mind to kick this awful drug addiction once an for all. I suggest you use some of your remaining time and energy on adderall to carefully plan the details of your Quit after graduating in a few weeks. You both have grown to hate just about everything about your addiction and that is a critical step for success. Graduation is a time of celebration and reflection and then it is time to move on with your life. Same thing with quitting. And if you couple two (or more) life-changing events together you will enhance your chances for success.
Would you like to share the details of how and when you plan to quit with the rest of us?
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However, what I would like to note is that everyone is different. None of us will have the exact same recovery. What worked for me may not work for someone else. We are all unique and there are many paths to recovery. I think it also depends on how long you used Adderall. It's going to be harder the longer you've been taking it. I was only on it for 5-6 years and I started when I was 24. If you are someone that has essentially grown up on Adderall or been taking it 10 years, etc., your process of quitting will most likely be much harder than mine.
This is so true. In my experience of reading these forums for the past three years, having a best friend going through recovery as well as myself, EVERY STORY IS UNIQUE. Everybody deals with their recovery in their own way. For example the sleep thing that Cassie and ZK were discussing.....I would have loved 9 or 10 hours of sleep per night in my first year. But recovery has turned me into a morning person. I just can't sleep past 6 AM and overall, my general sleep requirement returned to my pre-adderall normal of about 7 hours per night rather quickly after quitting. I used to loathe mornings, for most of my life. But now? I feel good right away. I think some of that has to do with kicking the cigs, too - not being in nicotine withdrawal from the moment I woke up. Sunrises are pretty cool events.
Sometimes I find it hard to frame my posts in terms of my recovery experience and what worked for me, rather than generalizing and making blanket statements.
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Day 2 Did absolutely nothing at work today and layed around
Just the fact that you even went to work on day 2 is commendable!
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Today, is my 30th day without BADderall. I did it! Woohoo, me!
Woohoo to YOU! You got this. I like your attitude, GDTRFB. Moving beyond the first month of recovery with your outlook is a good thing indeed. You Go!
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I just came across this term while browsing the internet today (redorbit.com).
Pharmacophobia: The fear of taking pharmaceutical drugs. "The fear of medication usage is also prevalent in people who have experienced negative withdrawal effects from psychotropic drugs"
from the root word Pharmakon = modern Greek word meaning drug. Classic Greek word meaning poison.
If some of my views regarding pharmaceuticals seem extreme, this is why. I have very few phobias, but apparently I developed this one after my Adderall experience, and also after seeing my mom decline in old age while taking more and more drugs, the drugs that ultimately enabled her to live to an old age in the first place.
I apologize for my extreme viewpoint on pharmaceutical drugs, I didn't realize I had an officially recognized phobia. But I won't be taking ANY drugs. anytime soon, either.
Anybody else develop a phobia in the aftermath of Adderall?
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I agree with those counselors who said the 8-10 minute answer thing was absurd. That lady who told you that obviously hasn't sat through very many interviews. Sounds like she is a bullshitter who likes a good story. Here are a couple of my random thoughts. Marketing is basically promoting and selling things - goods and or services. If you cannot confidently promote and sell yourself first, how on earth could you do it for a company and promote a product you are just learning about? I know these are just internships your are applying for, but maybe it is a good thing you didn't flush the rest of your Xanax pills already
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Adderall made me think it was helping with allergy control. But I really haven't had any allergy problems since I quit. The most severe allergies I ever had was when I took too much Adderall, which happened more than once, and led to constant sneezing, a runny nose and burning eyes that lasted for hours.
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Justin, did your use of Adderall affect your allergies for better or for worse (when you were using)?
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What a journey it has been, Ashley. You quit on your own terms, without a formal rehab program and shunned the temptations for relapsing. You finished college for real, (I remember the story of how you didn't quite graduate on Adderall but told everybody you did anyway.) Found a better relationship and a real job. All without the crippling "crutch" of an addictive mind-fucking stimulant drug. My heartfelt congratulations to you!
So, in the spirit of self betterment, may I suggest the following challenges for your third year of recovery?
* Stick with your new job until you have learned and mastered at least three new job skills
* Make better nutrition and better sleep some of your highest priorities in life
* Continue to be physically active
* Reduce your dependence on the psycho- pharmaceuticals you are still taking, including the benzos. if possible.
* Kick the cigs
* Find a cute little puppy to welcome into your life
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Does Adderall abuse affect memory? .
HELL YES IT DOES!
It also affected all of my higher cognitive functions including decision making, reasoning and learning.
My memory was the last thing to recover from years of abuse, and it still isn't where I want it to be.
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Having a grand-mal seizure is a very serious issue. I was really sorry to read your post. I hope you can make this your number one priority - by preventing future seizures( with medication?) and protecting yourself while seizing using tongue guards, etc. Did any of your doctors think it could be caused by prolonged Adderall abuse? Were you honest with the doctors about your high dosages and lengths of time you have used....and not used.... Adderall?
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diet and exercise is really important
I view recovery as a table top supported by four strong legs. My friend, HANS:
Hydration
Activity
Nutrition
Sleep
I still struggle in getting ample hydration and adequate exercise.
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Just to give some balance to this discussion, I will add my two cents: I am absolutely opposed to putting any pharmaceutical drug into my body unless it is a medical necessity. A belief I developed after the adderall experience.
edit: pharma=poison (greek translation of the root word)
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What about the other half.....did you hoard them or trash them?
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Maisy, I find your situation interesting for several reasons. It is hard to immagine that only three weeks of adderall has put you in such a funk, although I am sure it is true. Does the aftermath of adderall feel like the aftermath of meth? How long did it take you to feel completely recovered from meth? That was over seven years ago, right? Yours is a cautionary tale to all of us that we must never let our guard down and that an addiction to speed requires lifetime vigilance. I admire your wisdom for seeing the harm adderall could do to your life after only three weeks of use, "as prescribed", and your strengh to kick it so soon. Please keep us posted on the progress of your recovery. I have always assumed that the longer and harder one uses adderall, the more challenging and lengthy ther recovery will be. I have seen those who used it 'as prescribed" for only 2-3 years that still have over a year of recovery.
By the way, "as prescribed" is nothing more than a twisted medical justification for taking speed, helping people stay in denial about their addiction. It still does the damage that requires a lengthy recovery even at relatively low doses.
Also, you are right about the memory issues. That was one of the big reasons for me to quit, because my memory was shot and my cognition was poor. While my memory is certainly better than it was while using, i still have bad memory days where I just can't recall things very well.
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To be honest with you Brandy, I would love to quit right now. It's frustrating because I am ready to change but cannot do so yet. The fatigue from withdrawals coupled with the fact that I have relied on a pill as the source of my self-discipline for the last 3 years means there's no way I could keep up with my extremely heavy course load at the moment. I've come this far, and while it's not optimal, I need it to finish out this last semester.
I was in this place exactly three years ago. Although it is a special kind of Adderall hell, I believe it was necessary for me to come to this point in order to successfully quit and stay quit. I truly prayed that my body and mind would hold up until I could finally quit. I had some work issues, life issues, and some Adderall-induced beliefs that prevented me from quitting sooner. I was in this hell for about two years before quitting, although the last few months were really tough. I had quit in my mind and was ready to be done with my addiction, but the physical addiction and fear of withdrawal kept me chained to those fucking pills. I have never wanted anything more in my life than a successful Quit. I think you have a rock-solid plan for quitting, Chris. Quit when you have the time and flexibility to make your recovery the #1 priority in your life.
LilTex, my Adderall story started like yours did. First took it whenever friends would share, then on every Saturday "to get things done", then "just on the weekends" which grew into 3 and 4 day binges and finally into a daily habit for my last two years of Adderall. As long as I had a full three days off, the high came back every weekend. But eventually the three day withdrawal made me almost entirely dysfunctional during the week and I succumbed to the daily habit. I have never felt more grounded and emotionally stable that I have in the years since quitting the pills and cigs.
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Yea, thanks for the update. Letting a great thread like this just fade away would leave lots of future readers wondering and assuming the Xanax ultimately kicked your ass. Please post your progress, and especially letting us know when you finally kick it for good. Change your name? naa.....we know and love you as InRecovery. Even if I relapsed and had to quit again, I will always be quit-once around here
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oh, God, working with children? I had no idea that was what this job entails. I absolutely could not do that in any capacity. Sorry, I thought it was the rehab counselor job. I would like to take back all I just wrote in my prior post. My job takes me into daycare homes and centers, sometimes, and just today I was at a swimming pool full of screamers. It usually ruins my day. Congratulations anyway
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Ashley,
I agree with InRecovery. It is a job and you will learn how to cope (or not) as you gain more experience. If you find those trigger moments are indeed challenging your sobriety, I can't think of a better place to be working where you can get some additional counseling to confront those trigger issues, because, like Justin said, they will need to be confronted at some point in your life. I think you are truly in a position where you can made a difference in other's lives because of your deep understanding of addiction. From all of your experience around here, I believe you are already prepared for the many failures (of others to stay clean) you will encounter in the field of addiction counseling. How would you feel in a year if you turned it down? Would you be wondering "what if...."? How would you feel in a year if it didn't work out and you actually had an even better job because you gained the experience? Considering you did not major in the field, I think it is remarkable you got this offer especially considering they had internal candidates, and also that you have not had many other interviews yet. Congratulations!.
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I would be in one or more of the following places:
In Poverty (broke)
In Jail
In Psychosis
In poor health and still smoking and using benzos
In a coffin
or, the worst place of all: ADDERALL HELL
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SweetC, that was a really honest and inspiring post. I just didn't feel like clicking the like button was enough to let you know how much I enjoyed that read.
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I might have my own hidden benzo issue to deal with. Although I do not use them, and I just recently learned that I will NEVER need my Lorazaspam, I just can't bring myself to throw them away. WTF??
I have a bottle of almost 100 pills. It was my Mom's prescription, and we had many discussions about her frustrations regarding an Ativan addiction that she didn't develop until she was in her 80's. She took them to her death. She used to share them with me and would sometimes give me a bottle for Christmas. They did help to quell the Adderall and stress-induced anxiety and insomnia while she was dying. The pills I have now has been expired for over two years, but it makes me uncomfortable to even consider throwing them away. Is it possible to have an emotional attachment to these stupid pills?
Amphetamine and allergies
in General Discussion
Posted
I was allergic to just about everything when I was a kid. When I was 15-16 years old, I got a series of desensitizing shots and have never had any major allergy issues since then, except when I took too much Adderall.