quit-once
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Posts posted by quit-once
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"pimp your garage"
lol, ZK, lol
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ZK,
Working through some of those emotions ia a big part of the recovery process, a necessary part of letting go of the past and embracing your future without addiction. Might help to make a list of those emotions when they come up, who you were with, what your doing and how you dealt with them. You tackled a bunch of them in that short post, all the way back to why and how you started using in the first place.
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Sounds judgemental. Was there anything you enjoyed about his company? Was he tweaking? Were you a little bit jealous you couldn't be on his plane?
I thought my adderall friends were good buds too, but it seems that those friendships were mostly centered around the drug and getting high. I don't see my adderall friends much anymore, either.
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So i wanted and needed a little help i cant seem to convince myself that the pill is bad and if i cant do that than i wont be able to stop or even attempt it.
This was your bottom line. If you are looking for help from us to convince you the pill is bad, all you have to do is read, read, read the stories on this web site. I also suggest you read "the eight stages of amphetamine addiction" over on the announcements forum. But nothing I say will convince you the pill is bad. That decision has to come from within. And if you cannot convince yourself it is bad. then it is pointless to even attempt quitting. From what you wrote, adderall does not seem to be affecting your life in a negative way. Yet.
What stage of amphetamine addiction are you currently at?
Has your adderall use caused you any mental or physical problems you are aware of?
Have you been abusing it (taking more than prescribed or running out of pills)?
Do you think you can take adderall for the rest of your life?
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I pledge to not use power equipment for snow removal for the remainder of this winter season.
Snow shoveling = exercise opportunity
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I meant the ones you use in second grade. But they also work in graduate school. Only instead of 2+2 the flashcards have equations that look like this
eewww.....that equation just turned my stomach and gave me a panic attack as well. good luck with that class. I hate math too.
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it's amusing that 20 years ago this only had one possible meaning
Translation, please. The only flash cards I am familiar with are the ones I used in second grade to help me learn my times tables.
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From this thread I have learned two things, so far:
Everybody who has successfully quit has had their "ahah moment". (mine was when I realized than an addiction to speed was simply unsustainable over the long term).
We all had to dig some kind of hole with our addictions before quitting and getting better. Some people dig a mud puddle and others dig the Grand Canyon.
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I have been reading a book about the Buddha this weekend (Intro to Buddha by Jane Hope). Since you have taken His name as part of your screen name, I thought I would share some of what I learned.
Literally translated, the word "Buddha" means "awakened one". I believe that while Adderall may make you feel awakened, it is just one more way the drug lies to you and makes you think you are awake while actually living each day in a zombie state.
From pages 36-37:
Enlightenment is the total sense of freedom that comes from letting go of the concept of being an individual "self". It is a long journey towards being able to trust that such freedom is possible.
The glimpses of enlightened mind provides the motivation to find a way out of confusion. The Buddha told of a path that ordinary people could travel on to find their own liberation.
The Buddha presented a path that leads to the cessation of struggle and the attainment of enlightenment.
Tinybuddha, I believe that quitting Adderall for good will mark the beginning of your journey on this path.
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The "excitement" you are seeking is simply not possible in a life of sobriety. Adderall made me excited for just about anything...hell, even laundry and dishes were "exciting". But it is a drug-induced excitement that only lasts the few magical moments after you take that first pill, or even when you are planning to take that first dose. You may need to lower the bar for your expectations because nothing duplicates that drug-induced excitement. You have already answered your own question: it can be better but just a different kind of normal" It is not normal to be hyper-excited for every single day, or excited for doing things that are mundane and not entirely enjoyable.
"I don't want to rely on anything for motivation" You have borrowed from your future motivation (during recovery) while pursuing your addiction the last few years. These are the "dues" we all have to pay as recovering addicts. Your motivation will return, and it will eventually be a better and more sustained motivation than Adderall ever gave you, but it takes a lot of time. Think years, not weeks or months.
"How can I be content living my life free from substances?" This is a question only you can answer and it is something you must actively work on every day after quitting. For me, I was so relieved to be free from the burden of that awful addiction that I was content with life shortly after the physical withdrawals wore off and life without pills just gradually became the new normal. Of course there will be ups and downs during your recovery and dealing with those downs is how you grow and become a better, wiser and more mature person.
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Occasional,
Have you tried completely nixing the supplements for several days in a row? Specifically the vitamins and minerals. I took a multivitamin, (without iron), the day before yesterday, and here I am at 5 AM unable to get back to sleep so I just got up and started my day. Other than a windstorm with snow in the middle of the night, I can't attribute anything else to my poor sleep last night. I believe there is something in my GNC multivitamin that causes sleep disruption, for several days after taking only one pill. And I also believe that multi's with iron cause me to wake up with back muscle pain, which I have not experienced for over a month. and oddly enough about the last time I took a multivitamin. I just found some of the non-iron pills and thought I would give it a try. I threw all of the multi's with iron away already,
I just wanted to suggest this to you before you got too far into your new sleep drug therapy experiment with the Trazodone.
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I don't have any practice raising a kid but I do have plenty of experience as a caregiver for the last five years of my mom's life. I did it all on Adderall. I also reared a puppy at the same time and the Adderall gave me the patience I needed to get through it all. I am not encouraging you to second-guess your Quit, MeAgain, but for me Adderall was an essential tool that gave me unlimited patience and energy I needed while numbing the depression that went along with it. I thought I could easily quit after Mom went in to a care center and that is when I realized I had a serious addiction problem. It still took me another eight months after she died to kick the speed and the cigarette habits. Looking back, I believe I could have done it all and maybe better without being high on Adderall, but I don't believe I could have quit any sooner than I did.
Be patient and kind to your mother in her last days. You will not regret it later on.
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iPledge to quit smoking Feb 3rd.
Did you follow through with it?
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Occasional,
I am curious about the "no internet before starting work in the morning" and how that affects your sleep? I seem to fall into this trap of web surfing for a couple of hours each morning just to wake up my brain, but it is not very productive for getting work done. I used to read the newspaper before the internet came along.
Also, the blue light thing later in the evening is a good reminder for me to turn off the "daylight" lights I sometimes use for a better mood and more energy in the evenings.
I used to like having the TV in my bedroom on as I was going to sleep, just for the sound effects. Haven't done that for a few months now.
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Monster headache
Monster...strong stuff, with too much sugar. Try Rock Star or Red Bull next time.
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After two years sober the post adderall social anxiety is gone, but it took 2 years for it to fully subside
I am still not there. I have to force myself to do anything social outside of work, even with family and known friends. Every time I do, it is a small personal victory to celebrate. On Adderall, I would just lie or make excuses for not going out. I never was very social, even before Adderall, so that is just something I have to work on.
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I'd forgotten all about many of these side effects.I think i've experienced almost all of these.
That is how this addiction lies to us. Makes us forget the unpleasant / unhealthy things and glorifies the "highs". I made a mental list all day long of those awful side effects, and I still missed some at posting time.
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If you look up alcoholism online there is plenty of information about the stages of physical decline and associated diseases. There doesn't seem to be anything like this re the short and long term effects of chronic Adderall use (abuse, really).
I looked and looked for anything besides anecdotal stories of long term Adderall abuse and never found anything. I believe it is because Big Pharma controls the science of drugs and since this one is such a lucrative substance they really don't want negative information out there. So the scientific information available is mostly from studies done with kids and low doses, since that is what is typically prescribed. And Adderall as a branded drug has only existed for 20 years or so, although amphetamines and other speed have been around since the 1930's. Parkinsons Disease is one of the few documented conditions related to long term use. Alcohol addiction has plagued mankind for centuries so there is a lot of information on the side effects of abusing that evil drug and how it kills people.
I have a pretty long list. I will restrict it to only the physical, (not mental or behavioral) side effects that I experienced. By the way, I abused adderall as a binge user for nine years, then daily the last two years, at a dosage of 100-150 mg per day, and I have been off it for about 32 months.
Sensory:
Blurry vision. Dry eyes. Tears of fire. Eye muscle twitches. Poor depth perception.
Impaired hearing. Audio hallucinations. Ringing in my ears.
Impaired sense of smell. Nose runs lasting all day. Incessant sneezing. Hoarse voice.
Physical numbness. Drooling. Tongue thrashing. Jaw clenching. My tongue is still semi-active.
Heightened and impaired sense of taste. Mouth burns. Biting my tongue and cheek. Difficulty swallowing and choking.
Also:
Dry, brittle and cracked skin. Mystery cuts and scratches. Red splotches on my face and elsewhere that would last for days.
Weird and offensive body odors.
Sexual and urinary dysfunction.
Muscle twitches and spasms. I still have these in my lower extremities.
Brittle hair. Thinning hair. Gray hair. My hair got healthy again and less thin and gray after quitting.
Dark nails. Hangnails.
Reduced sleep, both quantity and quality - only 5 hours daily.
Bloated, puffy skin. Bags or circles under my eyes. Acne. Keratonosis.
Weight gain from poor eating habits and lack of sleep. Excessive belly fat.
Shortness of breath. Wheezing. Craving cigarettes.
Bad eating habits and poor food choices.
Heart palpitations - like a cell phone on vibrate in my shirt pocket. Heart beating hard and out of my chest.
Rapid pulse - my resting heart rate was 110-120 BPM, and right now it is 56 BPM.
Purple hands that were always cold. My whole body felt cold, and I also overheated easily too. Night sweats.
Sore muscles, sore joints and brittle bones. Broken and brittle teeth, despite taking extra calcium.
Digestive issues and acid reflux. especially at night.
I may come back to this and add more as I think of it. My God, if that wasn't enough reason to quit, I still have an equally long list of the mental deficiencies Adderall caused but that is another post.
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Moderation is something that is lacked by addicts, isn't it?
I got my hopes up today, even though I knew better, and then I was let down. The roller coaster isn't so much fun on days that I'm already feeling brittle.
maybe redefine how you view "hope"? Without hope, things look pretty dark to me. "hope springs eternal" whatever that means.
Hope is THE main seed of my optimism!
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Hope - it's a dangerous thing
how so?
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I have resisted posting on this thread because I don't have much experience with downers, and never taken ambien. But there is now enough content to respond to for a brief response.
First, although I didn't take ambien I did take Ativan. Why the fuck does this spell checker capitalize Ativan and Adderall but not ambien? Anyway, In the few times I have taken it post Adderall, I have experienced a foggy hangover from only one .5 mg pill. Strong stuff.
@Cassie: I got a few good laughs out of your posts on this thread. thanks.
@Jon: I think you made a wise decision to keep on working. At this point in your recovery, I think you need that routine of work to hold on to and make you function. My mom worked until she was 84 years old for that very reason of needing something to get out of bed for and have a sense of purpose in life.
@ Ashley: Sleeping up to 14 hours, given enough time, is not normal. Have you always been like that, even before Adderall? Excessive sleeping is a great way to avoid the realities of life. Are you depressed? I definitely believe that a real job would be helpful and even necessary for your recovery to progress now. I really hope a puppy comes into your life, but not until you get your living and working situations in a better place. Puppys require a lot of time and energy to properly train, but that investment is well worth it. When you do get a dog, it will be very lucky to have you as its owner.
@Tinybuddah: How are you doing? Have you come up with a plan for quitting Adderall? Do you also have an addiction to ambien that you need to deal with as well? Those are two different animals that share the same cage,
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Congratulations, SweetC...that first month is huge and you are well on your way to a much better life.
Where did you get those stars and checks?
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There seems to be a lot of discussion around here lately about sleep. I have wanted to start a thread for some time about what has helped me to sleep better in the later stages of my recovery. I do not take sleep aids, but in the past I have used 5-HTP, benadryl, and ativan, but I have not taken anything regularly since quitting adderall. I really do not like taking pills to sleep. For the last several months, I have had really good sleep so I would like to share some of my observations with you.
Things that interfere with my sleep:
* drinking alcohol after dinner
* full moons
* multi-vitamins with iron and minerals. I took GNC brand multi's and I confirmed that it affected my sleep for two nights after taking only only one pill. It gave my muscle pain in my back in the middle of the night.
* too much calcium, especially late in the day, gave me night sweats
* having unresolved life issues on my mind
* eating dinner too late
* eating snacks containing flour, sugar, or drinking milk within an hour of bedtime.
* consuming caffeine in the evening (duh)
* keeping the house too warm, or too much bedding
* nightlights
* my dog's snoring or flatulance
* windstorms
Things that help me sleep better:
* eating dinner at a consistent time each day
* going to bed at a consistent time, even if it means forcing myself to stay up until at least 11 PM
* knowing my body requires 7-7.5 hours of sleep daily.
* getting out of bed when I wake up, even if it is too early
* a snack before bed time
* not drinking too much water later in the evening
* smoking weed, but not too much and not daily
How has your recovery affected your sleep patterns?
What interferes with your sleep?
What have you found to help you sleep better?
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This is the best article i've seen that explains adderall and how it works. Trigger warning some pill images
http://www.hightimes...ite-amphetamine
thanks for the warning. I can't handle pill imagaes very well.
One Word Status Update
in Lounge (off-topic stuff)
Posted
HOW on earth can a Canadian (or even a Minnesotan) ever get over the winter?
In Wyoming, we have only two seasons: winter and August.