quit-once
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Posts posted by quit-once
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Have you tried 5-HTP, Fw?
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I just watched that video that Blesbro referred to in his post. It reminded me just how badly I wanted to be successful when it came time to kick the Adderall habit. I wanted to be done with that awful addiction worse than anything else in my life.
Congrats for getting through day 11, AmyQ. I believe you have finally found the will and the tools to quit and stay quit for good.
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If you click the "report" button at the bottom of a spam post, it will alert one of us administrators there is fresh spam, and we can then delete it and forever disable their posting ability from that account. The most recent spammer is really persistent and has created lots of new accounts to promote their casting web site, or porn or whatever it is. Why would anybody want to spam a website like this?
Thank you, Zerokewl, for helping on the spam patrol.
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Your post made me think back to all the stupid shit I did under the spell of Adderall addiction. My behavior under the influence of Adderall, and especially in pursuit of more Adderall was great motivation to quit before I ruined my life. I could see the train wreck coming: legal problems. loss of my career and retirement dreams, and loss of just about everything I held dear, including my health. My luck held out and my life held together until I finally kicked the addiction. I felt like Karma was going to kick my ass if I didn't turn my life around.
I am truly sorry for your situation, ID. Thanks for posting this warning to those who are risking it all in pursuit of their addiction(s).
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This is a valuable discussion, and I appreciate the contributions from our newest members on this topic. Last night I also googled "parkinsons disease amphetamine" and I was amazed at what turned up. I knew of the association and historical documentation (i.e. Hitler) between amphetamines and parkisons disease. I did not know there were also some long term studies done. The fear of developing parkisons disease was one of the overwhelming reasons why I quit. In fact I read some forum posts from other web sites of people who had quit but the muscle twitches in their faces continued long after quitting.
I quit stimulants about 2.5 years ago. Before Adderall, I was neurologically sound. Before quitting, I had muscle tremors and twitches, most notably in my legs and feet, but really in all parts of my body including heart palpitations. Also my hands would shake when I would try to keep them steady (but I blamed it on too much coffee, lol). Since quitting, they have lessened but not gone away. Steadiness has returned to my hands. My feet have these deep muscle tremors that are barely noticeable but they are still there. These tremors seem to get worse when I gain a little weight. I have no family history of parkisons.
Thank you again to all of the participants in this discussion.
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Jonny9, if you can not answer your own question, there is really no point in even considering quitting stimulants. You have been using concerta for 2.5 years and are still able to take it on your terms. You are using it responsibly as an effective tool in your life. I can relate to your relationship with this stimulant, as I took Adderall as a tool for about seven years. At that point, the addiction took over and I could no longer take it on my terms. My addiction progressed to a daily usage of over 100 mg per day, every day. It took me two more years to kick the habit. I realized it was an unsustainable addiction that I could not possibly keep feeding for the rest of my life. So I had to quit.
I would like to share with you a few of my truths about addiction:
*Stimulant drugs are addictive by their very nature.
*People with addictions develop tolerances to their substances, requiring increasing dosages and frequencies to get the same effect.
*Addictive substances can cause the user to become a drug abuser.
*Abuse leads to increased consumption, beyond the control of the addict, and high dosages of anything, even food, can become harmful or even lethal over the long term.
*Once you have crossed the line from controlled use to abuse and addiction, there is no return to controlled use. Ever.
*At some point in your life you will need to quit the addiction, or simply resolve to take it to your grave.
I highly suggest you read this post "http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/879-8-stages-of-amphetamine-useabuse/". It is entitled "8 Stages of Amphetamine Use" Please let us know at what stage you believe you are currently at and if you believe it is sustainable.
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6 months.
Nice. the next six months should be easier for you. Any reflections? Are you still gonna get that tatoo?
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Nice job, Cassie. The original post was so long that I did not even try to read it all earlier today. But I see the entire thing has since been deleted. Good job for spotting and calling the lying plagiaizer who posted it. And to the lying plagiaizer who posted it, amoore1990, if you are taking "400 mg a day and counting" please get some professional help before your addiction kills you.
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Why are you abstaining from caffeine?
Are you taking any tyrosine for your depression?
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Ever since quitting, I have had these bouts of insomnia caused by sore muscles in the middle of my back in the middle of the night. During my pill cleanse in September, I posted that I was sleeping better. Something I was taking was likely causing my insomnia. I stayed away from most of my supplements except tyrosine and lions mane, but I have been taking a few more lately.
The other day, I took only a multivitamin (GNC Ultramega with iron) and I had the sore back in the middle of the night for the next two nights. It was even worse the second night, and I did not take any other pills. The last two nights I have slept just fine. I believe there is something in this vitamin/mineral supplement causing my back pain and insomnia, and I will eventually verify or confirm it and share my final opinion with this forum. I have also discovered that calcium supplements also cause me insomnia by giving me "hot flashes" in the middle of the night. But could it be other minerals in the calcium supplements too? I never dreamed that nutritional supplements could have such intense side effects.
Update 12/17/13: The multivitamin with minerals definitely causes back muscle cramps resulting in less than a full nights sleep, for two nights in a row. I am going to throw the rest of those pills away.
@ Chelle: regarding your question on lions mane, I don't know if it will help you this early in your recovery. I didn't discover lions mane until about two years after quitting, The results were subtle and sustained. My mental focus, memory, and clarity have finally returned. I have taken it for the last six months with great results. But for early recovery you might want to focus on brain repair with fish oil, although I really have not found a down side to taking the lions mane mushroom, although it is kind of expensive.
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Better than an orange or blue colored football
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Another score! You are winning this game step by step and on your terms, Fw. Way to go.
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Instead of starting another dream thread I will piggyback on Cassie's thread today.
Last night I dreamed I had a full bottle of Adderall. But I was not tempted to take them. Instead, I planned to surprise my friend with a dose after he got off working a graveyard shift. At first I was only going to give him one and a half pills but then I decided to be generous and give him three pills, and keep the rest of the bottle. I also remember being careful about trying to hide them, but later just put them in my shirt pocket because I had nothing to fear because I had a prescription. I never did see him or handle any pills. I also remember thinking that I needed to be careful about hanging out with people who were still using, even though at the time I was not even tempted by that full bottle in my pocket.
Although I am still having Adderall dreams 2+ years after quitting, lately, they have all been similar to this one. They are no longer the terrifying "using" or "relapse" dreams that wake me up in full panic mode. Rather, the dreams I do remember about Adderall are just silly, random, and senseless like most other dreams and I rarely remember them anymore. Last night I slept poorly so I must have awaken at the right time to remember a stupid dream.
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I second that! Congrats on five months, Jon.
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What were your personal wake up calls when you said to yourself using this is a problem and i need to stop?
When I realized the physical addiction had become so intense that I felt like a wilted leaf and I absolutely could not function without taking a goddamn pill.
By the way, there are a lot of us older than you, oyvey. I'm 50.
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. It's so sad but I truly feel like I'm going to be stronger because of it. No regrets just moving forward. If i didn't try addy in high school, I'm sure I would have in college or later in life. I'm just glad I got that over with early in my life. 110% recovery let's goo!!
That is the way I feel too. Before Adderall, I always used to joke that I was glad that the "good" stimulants were illegal because I would surely be an addict. When Adderall became widely available and easily accessible, of course I did become addicted and spent the next nine years of my life on speed. or withdrawing and rebuilding my tolerance so I could get high again. I couldn't see how harmful the weekly withdrawls were until after I quit. (I had a binge and purge approach to Adderall until I became a daily addict.) It is a life lesson that I had to learn, and if I didn't have the experience of a stimulant addiction, I would still be chasing them. No regrets from me either. I believed Adderall helped me through a tough time in my life and I will not second guess that belief now or try to re-write my own history. It is what it was. The biggest life lesson I learned was how harmful an addiction to anything can become. And it can progress quickly and cause lasting damage to your life. Learning and applying that important lesson of addiction avoidance is what will make my own recovery 110% complete.
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You really do have a handle on what a mindfuck this thing is. It will take some time but you will get there
I agree with ZK, you really do have a good understanding about the Adderall addiction thing, Oyvey. Most people would try to chase the high a lot longer than you did. I have been following this thread for the last few days and I am most impressed that you have quit, flushed, and canceled. It sounds like you simply realized that your tolerance was getting insane and that the addiction would rapidly become unsustainable. I suggest you try yoga again after you have normalized from quitting. I took up yoga about a year after quitting and I am still practicing at least weekly. Did you experience any physical side effects from the higher doses?
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I never tried the bath salts, but I did smoke a fair amount of spice before they outlawed it. Actually I quit smoking spice when I realized it was fucking up my lungs, about six month before quitting Adderall. It was good practice because I really hadn't been successful quitting anything until then and it gave me the sense of confidence I needed to quit Adderall.
So while we are off topic, there is something bugging me about the spell checker around here. I recently downloaded some computer updates and one of them was a new version of internet explorer. Ever since then, the spell checker on this site has kicked in and started working. For the most part it is good, but now the goddamn thing always wants to capitalize the word Adderall, and I don't believe it is worthy of being capitalized because it is such a fucked up drug.
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I finished my paper, ya'll. I haven't sat down for 6 hours straight in a loooong time. My paper is turned in, and it feels fabulous to know I did it on my own. Yeah, I procrastinated big time! My birthday is tomorrow. I hated my birthdays on adderall, because I knew life was passing me by, and I was doing nothing to get ahead, just falling behind. This birthday is going to feel good, even if I don't have much planned. Sorry for hijacking this thread
I believe any post, any where, is a good post - and you are no hijacker, birthday girl. A sincere happy birthday to you and good job getting your critical shit done!
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It is definitely related. It's just more of the same as what I have been feeling since I quit three years ago. It's not as bad as before for sure! But it is still the same thing. At it is worst it is an intense intense craving for adderall, but usually it is tensing in my neck and grinding my teeth in discomfort like due to a lack of something. It is always brought about when I am under stress and when I am in situations where I used to rely on adderall to get me through. But often times it will be for no reason at all. The difference between now and before is the duration of my PAWS. When it strikes, it doesn't last as long as before.
You have been describing that same headache ever since I have known you, even before we discovered it had a name called PAWS. I hope it goes away from your life sometime soon! Congratulations for three years ofRecovery, InRecovery, and for all you have accomplished in that time!
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Justin, I just read an article about pet dander and allergens. I remember you took in a stray cat or dog a couple of months ago - is it still in your home?
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Obviously, that didn't happen and now I'm here once again facing the reality that I need to quit. When I posted my question the other night I couldn't remember why I should quit? I kept coming up with all these reasons why it was bad, but the main one I forgot, was that your quitting becuase you can't control the addiction.
Spot ON! Congratulations, ddw, you are truly ready to quit this evil drug. I think you should look at that four months of sobriety earlier this year as a victory, not a failure. You have proven that you can quit and begin the recovery process. Like Cat just said, it takes a long time to truly recover - like at least a year or two. I suggest you read the post entitled "eight stages of amphetamine addiction" over in the announcements forum, to help you get started with your Quit. Good Luck!
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This is a great thread, Blesbro. I can relate to and agree with each post so far.
I believe a lot of us abused adderall because it made us feel more useful, and more productive. With more and more time away from adderall, I am realizing that even during the honeymoon years, my productivity was not that spectacular, but I sure thought it was at the time. I spent a lot of time being busy but I really wasn't all that productive. In fact, when I quit I realized I was not productive at all, so the doldrums of early recovery were easier to accept because I was actually getting a few things done even if it required a greater amount of effort.
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I found out today that I will be a December 2013 college graduate. I left my advisor's office feeling elated!!! Many of you know my story, but I started college in 03-04, went 5 years, and due to my adderall addiction, stopped going to classes, failed some classes and was so ashamed I told my family I had graduated. They found out the truth. About 5 years of avoiding the fact I didn't graduate, and taking lots and lots of adderall, I knew it was time to get my life back. So about one year after getting clean, I went back (only 3 classes to finish). And today finding out I have one month of college left, it just made me realize how much quitting has paid off. With all the hoops I had to jump through and contacting lots of different people, taking class 2 hours away, just to get myself on track would NOT have happened on adderall. I would've stopped going to class, if I even got that far, because I would've been a paranoid mess. There are so many things that have changed for the better since quitting, I'm essentially a different person, but today I'm celebrating this
Ashley, I am so proud of you for finishing school. I know this has been a huge hang up of yours since I have "known" you, I remember the public speaking class issues. If I could reach through the internet and give you a big hug I certainally would. Way to go - your good news just made my day better too!
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One Word Status Update
in Lounge (off-topic stuff)
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Butt Cold?? Is that a Minnesota term?