quit-once
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Have you completely quit taking adderall?
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I had aches and pains and muscle cramps and charlie horses and muscle twitches and I just thought it was something I had to live with growing into middle age. I thought it was something lacking in my diet or a long term adderall withdrawl symptom.
Been doing yoga for a year now and all that stuff just gradually went away. The aches, pains and cramps do return when I don't practice yoga for a week or so, so now, I do yoga on my own almost daily in addition to going to the class when I can.
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Heather,
When I quit I wanted to be adderall free more than anything and everything else. Staying adderall free is still the most important thing in my life, even after not having a pill for two years. It just doesn't take that much effort anymore. With time, you will grow away from your addiction. But you gotta quit and stay quit and in order to do that you really do have to want it for yourself more than anything and everything else. Until you get off that fence, there is no reason to drag yourself through the hellish cycle of quitting and relapses.
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A doctor told me that while it takes days for a cut to heal and weeks for a broken bone to heal, it can take year for a brain to heal. I just keep trying to focus on that.
Amen. What a smart doctor and a good outlook you have, resetBrain.
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That sounds like a great way to start your day because you woke up feeling GLAD it was only a dream. In other words the dream ended at the right time and it just re-enforced how good it feels to be done with that nightmare lifestyle of adderall addiction!
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My hope was that individuals would incorporate some of the suggestions I posted that have made it possible for me to take adderal less and less and when I do take it it's for a reason and not abused. But thanks for being negative, hopefully you get something positive out of this site.
Based on the topic title, its length, and my (lack of) interest in using adderall responsibly, I did not read a single word of your post. In fact the only reason I even clicked on it was to see why so many responses were received so quickly.
Rampage, you should not be surprised at the "negative" comments posted in response to a post on how to use adderall at any level. You see, we have all quit or are in the process of quitting adderall. Quitting means not using it, ever again. That is why we come here to quitting adderall dot com - for support and advice on how to quit and stay quit. And to post our feelings, emotions ,struggles and relapse experiences with each other for mutual support. Quitting any addiction is a very black and white issue for the addict or alcoholic: you are either using or you have quit. Using just a little here and there is simply not an option for those of us who have suffered the disease of addiction(s).
However, I do understand your reasoning for writing your post, and if it is properly topic-titled, there may be some people who it could help, but I will never know because I just don't want to read it. This forum is the basis of free speech. As long as a post is not hateful, hurtful, or spam you can post anything you want here. I am glad you provided the fodder for this great discussion we are having, and it gives us a reason to post our resolve to stay quit from that evil fucking pill called adderall.
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TJTigers,
I can relate. It is exhausting being around people tweaking on speed. Sometimes you gotta have tweakers in your life for many different reasons. Your friend's credibility is already less because he is fucked up on a mind altering drug. You already know that so you can filter some of those grand plans of his with your sober mind. You will most lkely get tired of the idea train and move on to making your own money somehow.
MFA:
Every time I got tempted to relapse all I had to do was remind myself that adderall quit working for that, too. Whatever that was at the moment. If you still have some kind of hope that adderall can help you make anything in your life better, you really need to talk it through with your therapist. You may have lingering issues from your addiction that did not run their full course into disgust and rejection. It took my body at least a year (about 15 months) to get back to a lower weight than when I quit. Weight loss would be a really silly reason for you to relapse at this point.
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What I hadn't understood was I wasn't even functioning with it. I am now 19 taking 60mg of adderall a day hoping that it will help me like it used to. This is not going to happen and I know it. I am noticing vision problems, paranoia, and even some hallucinations. I thought I was going insane but I never thought the adderall was the problem. I would walk into a room and out of the corner of my eye see somebody on the couch but look over and they are gone. This has happened a few times a day for months. I feel like my sleep deprivation may have been part of this though. I never thought I had a problem until that point. I now know that although I may "need" it for medical reasons I have to find a way to operate on my own without adderall or any other stimulants..
Hey Brayden,
You have already gotten the hardest part of quitting behind you: You have accepted that quitting is the only way to move forward with your life and it is an absolute necessity. Now all you gotta do is just quit and stay quit. But you already know that no matter how much speed can help you in the short term it will never work in the long term for the rest of your life.
You have nothing to be ashamed of regarding your addiction - you are a victim of the medicated nation. I suggest you find a really good doctor who is trained in addiction medicine - a brand new medical field - to help you get off and stay off the stimulants. Nothing wrong with quitting on your own if you can do it - but I really thind quitting would be better for you sooner than later, before entering adulthood.
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- Popular Post
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Two Years.
My quit date was June 3, 2011. It will be a date that I always remember and celebrate, much more so than my birthday or any other day because it is the point where I turned my life around and regained my freedom. I was a slave to the pill and the cigarette. I kicked the cigs about a month later. But my relationship towards those two addictions is very different. I grew to hate my stimulant addiction so much that I have never looked back or wished I could still take one every now and then. I feel like my divorce from adderall was very permanent. I have to take the nicotine addiction day by day. I enjoyed the act of smoking but I hated the addiction. I still miss smoking, and although I have never had one since I quit, I still feel vulnerable.
Lately, I have been experimenting with "total sobriety" (thanks to Ashley's recent post on alcohol). No pills or substances of any kind with the exception of coffee. I still have a lot of work to do getting "fully sober" as I was only able to go a couple of weeks without. The mental clarity and positive energy I felt while attempting full sobriety was enough to make me try it again, and soon. My intentions were physical (more activity and loose a few more pounds) but the mental and emotional benefits really surprised me.
I have never experienced a sense of community quite like this quittingadderall website and forums. I am greatful to Mike for establishing this place on the Internet it and I appreciate all the members who contribute to these forums.
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Since you have already got the pills, I suggest you put them in a place where you cannot access them in a moment of weakness, like a safe deposit box at your bank. Some people must have the security of having those pills "just in case". Just in case you want to return to your addiction. And that is exactly what will happen if you even take a half of a pill. Stay strong and and stay out of your bottle.
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How bad do you really want or need to quit?
Getting a refill after being off the drug for six days is not "stepping down" at all - in fact getting another refill is just giving in to your addiction and going back to using.
Like Cassie said, you already have six days invested into a better future without adderall. Don't fuck that up by getting more pills.
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Congrats on six months,MFA.
I had a dream last week I have wanted to share:
I was visiting with a friend whom I had never done adderall with. He just showed up and said he had some vivanse - did I want to buy a few? At first I said no, but I quickly reconsidered and bought ten pills from him. But these "pills" were the size of a large candy bar! And they had vivanse printed on them just like a hershey bar. ( REAL LIFE: I have never even heard ot vivanse outside of this web site, and I have never ever tried them either. Fuck, I don't even know how to spell it ) Anyway, I took a few bites of the "pill" and caught an uncomfortable speed buzz. I woke up in a cold sweat hyperventilating worried that I had fucked up my recovery and trying desperately to end the dream.
Years ago I had an uncomfortable smoking dream when I tried to quit ciggs in which I was smoking a cigarette that was fucking huge - like three feet long!. I wonder what it is about these (ex) substances that their size is amplified in my dreams?
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When I was a kid, back in the 60's and 70's, they were known as "hyperactive" children, but I don't think it was considered a disorder that needed to be treated. It was something that you either grew out of or learned to live with. I believe the drug companies bastardized hyperactivity into a "disorder". The most severe cases were treated with ritalin in the 70's and 80's. It was unthinkable that children would be given something as addictive as amphetamine simply for being hyperactive.
Even now, the label says adderall is only for treating severe ADD but who follows the label anymore?
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I started having more energy at 3-4 months, but it took almost a year for the return of regular, sustained energy and natural motivation.
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What I'm posting about is part of my story but also a question am I lying to myself? What it is, is that I keep going in and out of thoughts on wether or not I have an addiction to Ritalin.
So if I'm really addicted wouldn't I be chasing after the drug illegally after my supply runs out? Or seeking other drugs?
I've also noticed that I've lost all motivation in life and don't enjoy music and movies like I used to...is the Ritalin causing this? Am I considered an addict?
If I quit using when will life feel like normal? Its been so long since I've never felt what its like to be not on Ritalin that if I quit when do you know you've beaten it? will life always feel dull? Sorry for long post I've just been gaining enough courage and motivation to actually post.
Lots of questions. Let's look at them one at a time:
If you believe you are not an addict then you are lying to yourself.
You do not have to chase the drug all the time to be an addict. You are a binge user. You like it that way, because you get the full effect of the drug each and every time you start up again after your "time off". I was an adderall binge user for about seven years - always taking at least three days off between my weekend benders. I became a daily abuser for another two years and then I quit about two years ago. Given enough time and enough pills, you, too, can become a daily user. If you continue your pursuit of ritalin, the withdrawl periods will become increasingly painful until you start seeking more pills by doctor shopping or other illegal means in order to avoid those painful crashes. Or you might even look for harder stimulant drugs or illegal drugs like meth.
Yes, the speed is turning you into an emotionless zombie who only wants to take more speed until it is gone. You have a ritalin addiction and it is fucking up your life.
You will begin to feel glimpses of normal life after about three months of total abstinence from ritalin. Life will feel mostly dull through your withdrawl period and into early recovery. It will probbably take about a year or so to feel normal most of the time.
You know you have beaten it when you are no longer consumed by thinking about how great it would be to go back on it. You also know you have beaten it when you tell yourself you are finally fucking done with that awful addiction. If you are lucky, that will happen before you actually quit taking the pills.
I hope you can come up with a plan for quitting ritalin. Sounds like you kinda need to but you are still coming to terms with your addiction. Good Luck!
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If you do not dwell on the past you are doomed to repeat those past mistakes.
Three relapses ago I asked you to explore the reasons that you relapsed but you never did, at least not here.
How many times have you relapsed?
What was the driving factor causing each relapse - was it the same thing each time or was it for different reasons?
What was the duration and dosages of your relapses?
What was different about the last relapse so that it can be your last one?
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Getting a 3.5 GPA in your first semester of grad school, after not being a student for a long time, is no small accomplishment. You, my friend, are living, breathing proof that long term heavy stimulant abuse does NOT cause permanant damage. It should give hope to the many people who think their situation is hopeless because they can't see the end of their addiction.
I know you would rather forget it, but maybe sometime you could recap your years of addiction for all of the newer folks around here. It would give the newbies a sense of just how far a bad-ass stimulant addict like you can progress in their recovery. When I first met you here I honestly wondered if you would ever regain normalcy after all of your experiences with snorting and psychosis, relapse and rehab. But you did return and I am really proud of you for all you have done through your Recovery.
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Alcoholics in general tend to be hard-set, non-negotiable people so I can see why they take this approach. I think that as long as a substance is not a regulated, scheduled DRUG it is OK to consume. As my recovery has progressed, I find I need that extra boost less and less with more time away from adderall. In the beginning I was taking a GNC supplement with loads of caffeine and carnitine as an adderall replacement, in addition to 5 hour energy and coffee and iced tea. It satisified my pill-popping craving and helped to wean me away from the habit of taking a pill every few hours. Many, many people go through their entire lives addicted to caffeine and it does not seem to harm them unless they have another aggrevating medical condition- like high blood pressure.
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Falcon,
Sorry to hear you are still battling fatigue and depression. Have you had any blood work done recently? There are some diseases that cause long term tiredness - heppatitis and mono are two that I can think of right now. Also heart disease. Not trying to give you even more reasons to be depressed, but maybe you could run some of these ideas by your primary doctor?
Hang in there - it will get better somehow.
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"....free from all substances..." could lead to a pretty heavy guilt trip for just about everybody if we take it litterally. Not to get all lawyer-esque but how one person defines a substance is vastly different from another's definition of that term. I come from a culture that defines coffee as a "substance".
Responsible use does not equal abuse or addiction.
If you have had issues with alcohol in your past then you should not be drinking. I enjoy an alcohol buzz every now and then, and I have developed a liking for a glass of wine with a meal, sometimes. I got a DUI 30 years ago and there have been times when I was drinking daily, but not getting drunk. I have never felt like i HAD to quit drinking. Bottom line is that I am aware of my alcohol vulnerability and I must be very careful not to over consume in quantity or frequency. Is there such a term as "mindful drinking"? No, that sounds like an oxymoron.
Like you, Ashley, I am a stimulant addict who does not have the option of using them ever again because I know it will lead to a full blown relapse. But unless that line into addiction has been crossed with any given substance, then all options are still on the table. I have a caffeine addiction, but it is one I can live with because, so far, coffee and redbull have not ruined my life. I also have a weed addiction (but not a daily habit) that I am still coming to terms with as well.
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Glad to hear that. It could also be much less stressful without having to always worry about that almighty GPA. In my opinion it is having the degree that matters most. i was always a B student overall, I don't think GPA really matters much once you get out of college.
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Will you continue grad school even if your GPA is deficient? I hope so.
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Occaisonal and In Recovery, I agree with your posts 100%. I could have just clicked the "like" button but I just wanted to say it anyway.
Edit: I do think we overlook brain fitness, training and mental exercises. We are a culture that seeks relief from a pill be it a drug or a supplement. I do not know why I have resisted more intensive brain training like Luminosity. This inherited computer I am using is loaded with brain enhancing games and I never use them. It is how my mom retained her mental sharpness through her declining years. She played computer games until the day she died at 90.
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Quit once - that sounds like a pretty horrible experience...Perhaps you shouldn't let them do that in your house again. You don't want it to become a habit with them to get high at your house.
Right on, InRecovery, and I know how to not allow that to happen again. I am confused about my emotions from this experience. I feel like I have been violated or betrayed or something like that. I told one of these friends that he should NEVER offer me adderall again. But meth? I have done my fair share of meth (before adderall, and never with him) but this friend was always very anti-meth until now. I just don't get it.
Krax: fuck the legality of the issue. That is why I allowed it to happen inside my home in the first place. I did answer your question: who am I to keep my friends from blowing their brains in my basement? Why on earth would I allow it? Because it is their life, not mine. If getting high makes them happy for the moment, so be it. I cannot live their lives for them. Nor do I want to enable them to destroy their lives, either. So in the future, I will not allow this opportunity. It was a learning experience for me.
MFA, thank you for your insight and support!
Thyroid Disorder? Insomnia?
in General Discussion
Posted
So...the very best thing you could have done for yourself was to quit taking the poison. Congratulations for quitting and welcome to the forums. I bet your adrenal glands are fatigued as well. I absolutely agree with your belief that abusing adderall caused all of your health problems. A very good reason to stay quit for the rest of your life. I hope your endocrine system returns to normal soon.