quit-once
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Posts posted by quit-once
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Welcome! It sounds like adderall is especially bad for your health. The sooner you can get off the pills, the sooner your recovery process can begin. You have come a long way by siimply acknowledging that it was/is the adderall causing all of your health problems. You have come even further by finding this web site and writing your first post. Congratulations on your decision to quit! You can now begin to look forward to better health and a lifetime free from addiction to stimulant drugs.
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I just bought a bottle of Lions Mane supplement at Whole Foods. Kinda pricey at about a dollar per gram. It says to take a gram a day. I downed a couple of capsules in the parking lot right after I bought it. It is made from the freeze-dried mycelium (roots) of the lions mane mushroom. Not sure, but it might be working already. I will update this post if I feel anything profound.
Update: I took two capsules about 3 hours ago. It may be a placebo effect, but I think I have better focus and concentration. It made my hair tingel a little bit. I also took fish oil this morning. Thing is, I was not expecting an instant result from lions mane. I hope it does something for my working memory in the long term. The package/bottle claims it is for "memory and nerve support"
Update #2 3/26: Took 1.5 grams today. I have had better focus, mental clarity and better cognition. Possibly a slight improvement in my memory as well. No side effects. I purchased Host Defense brand Lions Mane made by a well known mushroom company -Fungi Perfecti. I wish I had known about this mushroom when I was in early recovery. It is a good mushroom and I give it two full thumbs up. I may update this post again after I have taken the rest of the bottle.
Update #3 3/27: I know I sound like a commercial for this mushroom, but this stuff is just amazing! Took 1.5 grams in addition to about the same amount of l-Tyrosine. No fish oil today. Better memory plus a better mood. I am beyond words to say how relieved I am that I finally have my pre-adderall brain back. I hope this lasts.
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Not at all sarcastic. Memory is a deep and dark subject for me.
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You can't be who you are not. Your post-adderall personality will likely not ever return to your "using" personality. Thank God. Interests and motivators are just different now. If you feel the need for an explanation, I suggest you replace "adderall" with something less sinister - like prozac or a blood pressure pill or something more medical-oriented. Hell, even a vitamin or supplement could cause profound changes in the way one behaves. Then tell him you really noticed the changes after you went off your pill. With time, it will be a non-event and a non issue. I wouldn't recommend trying to act all jacked up and gung ho while you are still struggling for energy and motivation in early recovery. Just my two cents, and I really suck at relationships so it might only be worth a penny today.
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I endorse the ceremonial flushing....or burning...or grinding them into the sidewalk or the dirt.....or throwing them into the sea. It will help you put your addiction in the past so you can move on with your recovery.
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did you know that one of the effects is ADD like symptoms, if not ADD? and also depression. And also a craving for sugars. Its pretty interesting how much it can adversely affect peoples lives and how it might be so easily overlooked... I seriously think that getting rid of it might really turn things around for me- hopefully my nagging low level depression will go away, mood swings, concentration and brain fog... People should really read up on it. Candida
I have been living without sugar and flour and milk now for about four months. Initially I cut all the carbs and then gradually re-introduced potatoes and rice, but in very small doses. I buy only sugar free candy and Atkins brand candy bars and sugar free jello cups. I eat only low-carb yogurt-like dairy blends. All berries are great because they have a fairly low sugar content.
Sky, you might have to eat some eggs and meat, however. Are you opposed to eating animals for religious or health reasons? I like to fast for at least 12 hours each day, and my first meal is breakfast food (eggs and meat) eaten around noon. I do not eat snack foods. I always include a green salad with my largest meal of the day. I eat all kinds of meat, eggs and fish. And all kinds of veggies, but not too much of the starchy veggies (spuds, parsnips, winter squash) and limit the legumes (peas and beans) too. Beer is bad news. So are most fruit juices.
I believe I had a candida problem, too, and this sugar-flour-milk free diet made me feel better with no mood swings and lots of energy. Whenever I "relapse" on sugar or flour it takes me about a day to recover. Also, no GERD anymore and my weight has been stable all winter. In my opinion, you just can't go wrong if you eat like you are a diabetic, unless you have a cholesterol problem.
edit: if your food is white, it's not allright.
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I have a couple of thoughts for you.
Reality gets in the way of taking adderall for the rest of your life. It is simply not doable, unless you want your life to be shorter and even more miserable. An addiction to speed is simply not sustainable. Period. And regular usage of speed always leads to addiction. Addiction=Unhappiness.
So, Rev&Rush, you now have 38 days of life beyond adderall behind you, and if you stay the course, you can look forward to the remainder of your lifetime at least free from the addiction to this awful mindfucking drug. Do you really want to go through days 1-38 of adderall recovery twice? Or more? Unless you want to take it to your grave, this is the best time to quit and stay quit.
Recovery is a process, and you just have to get through this process for the chance of a better life on the other side of addiction.
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About five months after quitting I really got into the history channel and nat'l geographic and animal planet and pbs shows. Mostly educational or documentary-type entertainment. I have never watched so much TV as I did last winter. this year, not so much at all. In fact, the daily show and a little local news is about all the TV I have beeen watching lately.
I am at my one year anniversary of entering my later stages of recovery. I remember in mid march of last year, I just couldn't believe how much better I was feeling- all of a sudden. I remember getting excited about making plans for the summer and planning how I was going to loose some weight and get things done. So for the last year I have wondered...was it just spring fever or was it entering the next stage of recovery? A year later, I can say it was a little of both. I have always loved the spring and found a new attitude and enthusiasm with the changing seasons, but last year really was different. I am experiencing a lot of those same feelings of moving forward this year, but it is not as intense as it was last year at this time.
The difference from last spring to now is my motivation and ability to get off my ass and get things done is more intense now. Last year at this time I really wanted to do a lot of things, but I was still dragging ass at nine months post- quit. I hadn't figured out that motivation does indeed follow action. I was using the TV and this web site as distractions. Now, I find myself checking in here less and less often because I am just busy getting things done in my life.
So, to recap my rambling post, I started feeling much, much better at 9-10 months post quit, and a year beyond that, I am still growing out of the recovery process. I just wish my memory was better. I am seriously concerned that nine years of adderall abuse has permanantly fucked my otherwise good memory.
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I ended my relationship with my previous psychiatrist, the one who prescribed me adderall, a while ago.
I get a text from her today asking how i am and if i 'need anything'.
I told her no. That i was doing better off the adderall. She never replied back.
I wish she would just stop. I considered for a split mili second that i should get some pills.
But i thought better of it and decided against it.
Holy Crap! Talk about triggers! My deepest respect to you for the stellar resistance. Reminds me of the time when my (ex)dealer texted me a "change of phone number" message. I can't even describe how uncomfortable it made me, and this was even nine months after quitting. Good job, searchingsoul.
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I think I will look in to the paleo diet a little more seriously. Thanks for that web site suggestion I just checked it out.
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The thing about whole wheat products is they still contain the same amount of instant carbs that bleached flour does. By instant carbs, I mean carbs that are readily converted to glucose then spike your blood sugar and cause an insulin spike. That's what I try to avoid is the high glycemic foods. I get so tired when I eat too much sugar or carbs in general. I haven't looked into honey but it is all natural so it can't be that bad for you. Rick, where do you get those sweet potato chips? - they sound like a good healthy snack.
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I started rationing my carbs about three months ago. No sugars. No milk. No foods containing flour. No chips or crackers. No beer. And when it comes to rice, beans and spuds, I try to stick with ONE "serving size" as listed on the package or in the book. I have never felt better and had more energy! No more naps! I do (sometimes) eat cream of wheat cereal, which is loaded with glutens, and feel OK. Refined, processed carbs are bad news.
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I know I am just going to have to do it and make it through the hard times.
When? You were gonna quit before you got married. It will be a lot easier for you if you didn't wake up pregnant and realize you have no other choice but to quit....but maybe that is the kind of spur you really need?
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Ok, I made that sound really casual, but to be honest it's freaking me out. I hope this isn't a set back in my head.
If it were some other kind of speed you would have cause to be freaked out. Not even in the same class of drug as adderall, and lortabs sure as hell are not percs or oxies. Don't worry, you will be just fine. I don't know anybody who got addicted to anything from just one small bottle of pills.
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... still trying to fight this demon. I HAVE to quit but I am so scared to let it go... Sigh.
The main reason for me is severe chronic fatigue (possible narcolepsy). I am so afraid of living in a bed again, but willing to get a sleep study and do whatever it takes to live a normal life again... even if I have to be sleeping most of it
I need this forum more than ever!Were you ever diagnosed with narcolepsy? that is one of the few disorders that nothing but a stimulant drug will treat. Were you ever diagnosed with chronic fatigue, or are you simply fearful of experiencing chronic fatigue if you go off adderall? You have been coming around here for a long time, waronwar. WHY do you HAVE to quit?
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Hm. Well just proves how far my head was up my ass. I knew fully well all the dangers of adderall, and the similarities to meth.
Me too. They taught it in high school health class. I knew I would become addicted, but I thought "since this is a legal pharmaceutical drug, surely there is an easy, well-researched way to end the addiction when it comes time to do so". I was wrong.
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Not too often. The only written record of my vivid adderall dreams is when I post them here. At one time in my life, I did keep a dream journal. Then some of those dreams started coming true in real life. I was able to confirm that I had the dream by reading what i had written when things came to pass. Like, I dreamed about my dad dying in vivid detail about three months before he died and I had written it down in disturbingly accurate detail. I also dreamed about the house I am living in long before I knew it existed. But the adderall dreams are simply a way for my mind to process and move on from the addiction.
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My recent adderall dreams have all been non-swallowing / non-snorting lately. I wake up feeling empowered that I rejected them yet again. But the "close call" feeling is really disturbing too. I find this topic very interesting!
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I had this vivid dream of me taking a bunch of adderall halves out of a drawer and looking at my tongue seeing the orange pills sitting there. There were like 8 halves in my mouth. Ughh...it was way too vivid. It's amazing to me that 11 months later I'm having such realistic dreams like that, and this isn't rare, just more vivid. I woke up feeling so uncomfortable. I take it as a reminder when even though I've been feeling good, I still have to remember where I came from not so long ago.
Did you swallow them?
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I had this vivid dream of me taking a bunch of adderall halves out of a drawer and looking at my tongue seeing the orange pills sitting there. There were like 8 halves in my mouth. Ughh...it was way too vivid. It's amazing to me that 11 months later I'm having such realistic dreams like that, and this isn't rare, just more vivid. I woke up feeling so uncomfortable. I take it as a reminder when even though I've been feeling good, I still have to remember where I came from not so long ago.
Vivid is a good word for it. Did you see the pills in color? I usually don't dream in color, but the vivid colors of the blue, orange and pink pills in my adderall dreams is really disturbing.
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Crayarthur,
It doesn't work that way. Once you've crossed the line into addiction, the drug can no longer be used as it's supposed to. Ask any of us here. I think we've probably all tried at one time or another to "take as prescribed." after abusing. It's quitting or addiction.
It is the truth. As much as I detest ultimatums, "either / or"; and "black and white" viewpoints, I must accept the reality of this truth if I want to beat my addiction for good. Let me repeat this simple truth:
Once you have crossed over the line from casual/recreational/prescribed usage into addiction, there is no return to casual/recreational/prescribed usage without the return of the addiction.
I am still waiting to hear from anybody who has recovered from an addiction that believes otherwise. An adderall addiction is a lifetime affliction.
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Couple thoughts for you, MFA:
1) "Recovery is NOT a linear process." (thanks, cassie) I didn't start feeling sustained improvement until 9-10 months post-quit.
2) If all you have in your pantry is PB&J and (maybe?) some bread, MFA, you are not eating well or healthy. That has to change before you get better. Eating out all the time sucks and you don't know what's in the food. If you cant force yourself to cook and prepare wholesome, nutritious meals, frozen meals are the next best thing. At least they have a label you can read and know what they contain.
3) Ashley has a good point. I had a good friend who would relapse on alcohol whenever it was her time of the month, or sometimes just before it started.
Do you believe in horoscopes or star charts? Might be worth a check to see if something is simply "in the stars". Could you be suffering "jet lag" from the time change?
Take care of yourself and eat well!
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I have a bundle stashed already, but yes I want to fill the script. Why? Because I will want them again even though they drain my soul out of my pores. And they are slightly difficult to get unless you doctor shop. All the junkies sell em for Heroin.
How do you define quitting, Craythur?
4 Relapses - 117 days clean today (longest time yet)
in Tell your story
Posted
Wow. I just found this post and read it for the first time today. LilTex, you have quite a story. I didn't realize you have struggled with addiction and relapse so many times. A sincere congratulations to you for keeping it together for the last 2+ years!