quit-once
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Wow, I haven't read this post since I wrote it over a year ago. So, here are a few updates. I kept up with logging my food and water intake for about three months or so, It helped me to loose about 20 lbs by being mindful of what I consumed. I have managed to keep the weight off by practicing mindful eating habits. Keeping a food journal also helped me learn the calorie and sugar content of many foods I regularly ate.
Here is the most notable thing about my recovery - I thought I was completely recovered around a year after quitting. Looking back on it, I was still having a lot of PAWS days that I wrote off as "just how I am". Now I realize it was just extended recovery time. I don't believe I have had a PAWS experience or an adderall-related dream since April of this year. I still wish I could smoke a cig here and there, but not too often. I never, ever wish I could take adderall again, even a little bit. I am completely done with that addiction.
The last couple of months I have really been getting things done with more focus and motivation than I ever had on adderall. I do believe the Lions Mane mushroom supplement that I have been taking since April helps me a lot. I also have tried my hand at complete sobriety, but that has proved to be elusive. Not that I like to get bombed but I do like to have a drink or a beer or two on most days. I have given up smoking weed on a regular basis too. And I have continued with healthy eating practices - I grow all my own veggies in a greenhouse in the mountains. I also have been practicing yoga at least weekly since I wrote this post over a year ago, and my dog is my exercise buddy. I do not take any pills besides the supplements I choose to take, or not, depending on how I feel.
Well, I did not intend on providing a status update, but here it is. I guess I can do that since I started this post, right? In general, I have never felt better physically or mentally in my whole life that I do right now, and I know that kicking my addictions to adderall, nicotine and sugar was essential to improving my health and well-being.
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Hey lil tex, congrats for kicking the aspartame and the anti d's. How's it going? Any withdrawl issues?
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Welcome to quittingadderall, Pandasparkles. You said one thing that really resonated with me - that your "use pattern is unsustainable". For me, it was that realization of unsustainability that made my decision to quit very clear. I began to formulate a plan for quitting after I realized I could not take adderall for the rest of my life, and that it was damaging my body and my mind. Have you given any thought for making your own plan to quit, and how you might go about it, and when?
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Hey Jon,
Congrats for making it 30 days. The first 10-12 weeks is the early recovery period. Not as tough as the initial withdrawl phase, but it is filled with emotional ups and downs, moments of mental clarity and a gradual lessening of the physical withdrawl symptoms.
I have no doubt you will make it through early recovery and make the gradual transition to life beyond adderall (true freedom).
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Couple of things to add to my above post. I find that some of the sugar free candies made with Splenda taste pretty good. I like Russell Stover's candy but you have to look for it on the top shelf. It is made with plenty of fat but no sugar and there is a good variety of flavors but only a few I really like. I can eat one or two pieces and it satisifies my sweet craving. The other thing is that I have almost entirely lost my desire for sweet things since I quit smoking weed. I read somewhere that potsmokers consume around 500 calories more per day than non weed users, although they metabolize the calories differently so they aren't any heavier for it. I was in denial about those munchies until very recently.
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The Lions Mane is amazing. I just picked up another two bottles of it at Whole Foods yesterday. In addition to helping me with facial recognition, it has improved my memory and general cognitive well-being. The difference is subtle, but noticible. It may not work this well for everybody but it sure works for me.
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Sugar consumption is an issue I have been dealing with for several years. In fact, when I quit adderall two years ago, there were three addictions I wanted to free myself from: adderall, nicotine, and sugar. Here is how I have handled the sugar addiction.
First off, I don't believe that artificial sweetners are the best alternative. They are all chemicals which are many times sweeter that sugar. However, I do like sugar alcohols and splenda. The Adkins folks will tell you not to consume over 15 grams of sugar alcohols in a day (it causes noxious flatulance). I really like some of the Adkins bars and they all have very minimal sugar and around 5 grams of sugar alcohols. I also drink sugar free red bull and maybe one diet coke in a week. I like low-carb yogurt, grapefriut juice, and all berries. I eat all other friut sparingly mostly because I don't really like fruit in general. There are also a couple of flavors of Nature Valley protein bars that have minimal sugar content that I really like.
My key to controlling sugar consumption is not total abstinence, but strict limitation of the amount of sugars and starches I consume. I am aware of the exact sugar content of all foods I consume, and as long as the total sugar content is less than about ten grams per serving it does not lead to subsequent sugar cravings. Ten grams is not very much sugar considering a can of coke has almost 40 grams. Sugar is sugar, as a general term, whether it is fruit sugar, milk sugar or table sugar. However, I believe that the sugars contained in natural foods (not even juices) - that is foods in their natural forms - are just fine because there are other things in those foods that slow down the absorption of sugar, thus eliminating the subsequent cravings for more and more sugar. I feel the same way about processed foods containing refined starches - like breads, chips, crackers, pasta, etc. I can eat one small slice of bread or a small serving of pasta and be OK. but if I go over that threshold for starch consumption then I get cravings later on. I find it is easier just to not eat processed starches but you can't always adhere to that way of eating, especially when traveling or in social situations.
I believe that adderall caused damage to my digestive system resulting in acid reflux and GERD. Since eliminating refined starches, added sugars and liquid milk from my diet my digestive system has slowly healed itself without taking any more pills. I pretend like I am a diabetic and eat accordingly, in hopes I can prevent that awful disease from afflicting me in later years.
Sorry this was such a long post but this subject is really, really important to me and I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences. I share Robert Lustig's belief that sugar is indeed toxic, especially in the quantities consumed in the Western diet
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It sounds like you are really ready to be done with this drug, forever. That is how I felt when I quit and I have never looked back. A doctor's practice (their business) is entirely reliant on prescribing drugs to people. The drug's not working? take a higher dosage. You have side effects? we have other drugs to treat that. You have unusual medical problems? couldn't be from the drugs we have prescribed so lets do a battery of medical tests. Then we will prescribe even more drugs and schedule regular doctor visits to monitor your "conditions".
What a fucking scam.
I believe with time away from adderall you will come to realize that ADD is not really an illness or condition - it is just who you are. It was just a convenient justification for obtaining and taking the "medicine".
Congratulations for finally quitting. Remember that total abstinence is the only road to a full recovery from this awful addiction.
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The drugs made me better at law firm 'manual labour' - I could work faster and longer. But they didn't make me better at analysis, which is necessary at the upper levels of academia. I felt more intelligent, of course, I thought I was a super genius. But I wasn't. In all honesty, I was better before. I really and truly believe that now. It was harder - but I did it better.
The question raised in this forum is critical for me, because I want to continue a career in academia - and I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to do that on my own. But I have much more faith now. It's not going to happen straight away - but I really believe that slowly I will rehabilitate. I might not go at a million miles a minute anymore, but I think overall my performance will improve.
Good for you for realizing these things so early on in your recovery. The only way to move forward with your school, your career, your health and your life is to leave adderall behind you. In time, your adderall years will just be another chapter in your life, and hopefully you learned a life lesson about addiction along the way.
Adderall starts out as a bionic limb, then it becomes a crutch and it ends up as a disability. At least it is a recoverable disability.
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Also wondering how it made you feel older, quit-once? Just curious as my fatigue got worse on it. I'm wondering if the afternoon crash I had was part of that.
My muscles and joints ached and creaked. I moved slowly and with a lot of pain, especially when dosing down from those days of 120 - 150 mg. I had wrinkles and bags in my face and my hair was getting gray. I thought I looked like a drug addict. Red splotches on my skin. Short of breath and lacking normal energy. I had a bigger fatter belly and I was mentally slow with a poor memory. Decisions were hard to make and problems were hard to solve. The later stages of adderall addiction made my life really hard, and I knew it at the time, but it took me a few months to get in the right place to quit. I took up yoga about a year ago - about a year after quitting - and it has been the best thing I ever did since quitting adderall and cigs. Oh, and much better nutrition and excercise, too Keep up with your yoga practice!
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Lions Mane Mushroom is a supplement I am still taking. I took it today. I took it yesterday and, after reading your post, It made me realize that names and faces had been clicking all day long for me. I don't take it every day but I sure notice a difference on the days when I do take Linos Mane. The other supplement I really like is L-tyrosine, I still take it almost daily for a better mood. Vitamin D keeps your appetite controlled. B12 under the tongue is good for an energy buzz. Vitamin C helps you sleep better.
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Matt,
I appreciate your honesty and your sincere desire to quit. I believe all the pieces of the quitting puzzle are on your plate and all you need to do is put it together. There may be one more thing you need to do but I'll talk about that later.
To recap your story, adderall has done the following things to you:
It has changed your personality into something you are uncomfortable with and made you really not like yourself anymore.
It has cost you the ability to get even the most basic, important things done.
It has gotten you fired.
It has almost cost you a relationship, and you know it will if you do not quit.
It has become an addiction and an obsession that you could not control.
Could have been much worse for you considering you didn't mention any financial or legal or other relationship hardships. Still, in only a year and a half that 's a lot of damage to your life.
Here is the good news:
You have taken responsibility for your addiction and drug abuse behaviors.
You acknowledge that adderall has quit working for everything you first liked about the drug, and in fact it gets in your way of living a normal life.
You have had the experience of quitting so you know what to expect during withdrawls and early recovery.
You have had a relapse experience so you know what the results of using it again would be.
You have a girlfriend who I hope will support your Quit. Does she know about your addiction?
You know that your addiction is a lifetime affliction. No more stimulants for you, ever again.
You have disposed of your current supply of pills. Somehow you need to break a link in your drug supply chain so that in 2-3 weeks, when you are feeling like complete shit, there will not be an option of getting any more pills. If you do not want to admit your addiction to the doctor, then at least lie to him and report a wierd side effect or tell him you moved away or anyhing that will keep another prescription from coming your way. Since you have already relapsed once, you really need to do this.
I am glad you decided to quit - you really need to so you can get back to living a normal life without this awful addiction. Welcome to the forums and I wish you good luck during your recovery.
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I suggest you check out the website www.addforums.com
It has a lot of discussion threads relating to ADD, but most of them eventually come back to the medications and how "helpful" they are for those afflicted with ADD/ADHD. I actually find it entertaining to read the posts of people who's ADD problems are actually worsened or created by being on stimulants but they just can't seem to grasp that concept.
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I can totally relate to using the solstice as a quitting tool. for me, the summer solstace was my ultimate deadline for quitting and I managed to kick it in early June, two years ago. I also used my natural summer energy cycle for motivation to not relapse, fearing that I would likely have to wait another year for the ideal time in my energy cycle if I fucked up and relapsed. And I simply could not take another year of that awful addiction.
Is getting manic in the summertime such a bad thing? I do not really understand mania, but I believe it is just the opposite of being depressed?
I thind you are feeling so good at the moment because you are experiencing the new reality of freedom from addiction. And you just cant put a price tag on personal freedom.
Congratulations for quitting, Confused. Once you get a few months of adderall freedom under your belt, you may need to change your name. I was confused all the time in the later stages of my addiction, and everytime I took too much adderall throughout my nine years of adderall life existence.
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"the pill energy was shooting off in every direction except at the target"
good point, Jon.
Adderall quit working for everything I used to take it for, and that in itself was a pretty compelling reason for me to quit. Whenever I found myself jonseing for adderall all I had to do was tell myself "oh yea, and it quit working for that too." Not to mention all of the god-awful side affects. I felt like an old man towards the end of my addiction and I wasn't even 50 years old before I quit.
Congratulations for quitting. I like your acknowledgement that the devil has to be paid - that's just part of the reality of recovery.
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I noticed an improvement in how I felt around nine months, but not before then. I just gradually quit thinking about it every five minutes and started feeling interested in making a life beyond adderall, but not until about nine months after quitting. I hope it is sooner for you, Sebastion. Hang in there.
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Blesbro-
Congrats for getting beyond the six month mark. It seems like each quarter of the first year of recovery is something special to celebrate because you just gradually feel better with time away from the adderall.
I want to address your concerns about not getting shit done.
See that cute little animal picture by my name to the left? It is a sloth. The sloth was my mascot during the first year and a half of my recovery. After all, slothfulness is one of the seven deadly sins. If you look carefully at my mascot, you will see a tiny box mounted to his head. That is a sloth-cam...... so even the lazy sloth may contribute to a science study.
I remember in one of your early posts you were determined not to let your adderall recovery get in your way, and it looks like it did just that and kept you from finishing high school on time. You have just gotta buckle down and put that before everything else in life right now so that you do not blame any of your future failures on your adderall recovery.
I dunno what it is about doing important things, but (for me) it seemed like the more it mattered the harder it was to get it done. I live on a ranch and for the last two summers I have not been able to find the motivation fo repair my fences of cut firewood - both of those had consequences for not getting them done. But I was a sloth, recovering from adderall addiction, and in many ways I am still slothful. I am feeling more ambitious this summer but still have not gotten the important shit done...yet.
I suggest you make a plan, create a sizable reward for yourself, and get your school shit done so you can move on with your life. Is your school stuff something you can finish on your own time frame or do you have to repeat the whole 12th grade? Congrats again for staying quit for six months after your well-planned Quit.
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Hey Tom-
It is really cool that you keep this post updated on the progress of your recovery. It is exactly what somebody considering quitting adderall needs to read - that their life will, indeed, get better after quitting.
I find it interesting how many of us who successfully quit have taken up some kind of activity and gotten ourselves in better shape. Like you, I believe I am in the best physical condition I have ever been in, largely due to kicking the adderall and also the cigs.
here is to Everyone's good health......cheers!
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Congratulations for quitting! Lots of ups and downs in early adderall recovery. I suggest keeping lots of coffee, L-tyrosine, vitamins and good food on hand all summer long. I bet you are so relieved to be done with this awful addiction and let the healing process begin. Please keep us updated how you are doing in your recovery and welcome to the forums!
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The positive affect on health from having pets is well-documented. Just petting an animal lowers your blood pressure and or heart rate by at least ten clicks. MFA said that petting an animal realease the feel good hormone oxytocin in people and in the pet being petted. The responsibility is a good thing because it helps you to focus on other things besides your own recovery issues. It gives one a sense of purpose and importance to be responsible for the life of another being. When my mom died of old age she was survived by her pet cat and pet tortoise of 45 years. Pets add quality to your life. I am kinda funny about animals being in their place - like I do not let my dog onto the funiture or lick me on the mouth and I am a one pet person. My dog shares almost all of my non-working life with me. My dog was still kind of a puppy when I quit adderall so it took extra patience not to get angry with her for just doing puppy things, but the support and companionship I got from my dog during early recovery was essential for my sanity, happiness and well-being.
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I feel like I "know" a few of you around here and I can only immagine how cool and rewarding it would be to actually have a conversation person to person. I have never really "met" anybody online outside of this forum. I am really glad you two hooked up. Was it awkward at first or did you find lots of things in common to discuss? Thanks for sharing.
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As long as you believe you are quitting for them instead of yourself it will never work. You have to want to quit for you in the worst way. Until you get to that point, don't bother trying to quit.
Congratulations for realizing you have a serious addiction to a hardcore drug(s).
I suggest you do some advanced planning for the quit.
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You CAN DO IT!
Just keep moving forward. Everything will work itself out in the end. Right now, just get off the pills. Make that you're only goal if you can. Welcome!I agree with LilTex. Just get off the shit. You are only prolonging the missery and agony by tapering. You are an addict and trying to taper for more that a week or so is going to be tough if not impossible to continue for the long term. Stimulants are one of the few classes of drugs where you can just go cold turkey and not end up in the hospital or die. You just feel like crap for a few days and then you begin the long, eratic and painful climb of recovery and growing away from your addiction. But you can't begin to recover until you are done taking the pills.
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Midwestmad,
Check out the forum on supplements and I think there is a really good discussion thread on "food". We kept adding tidbits to it for a couple of months or so last winter. I happen to agree with you that it is all about eating good wholesome unprocessed food. I am a big fan of eating paleo and growing my own food.
Sharing our crazy OCD creative behaviors
in General Discussion
Posted
I did. I dug a few holes with a backhoe just for the hell of it. And I moved a few 500 lb rocks with no backhoe for no good reason. Looking back at my tweaking moments, I did some really stupid things that were sooo goddamn important at the time.