marybelle

My Struggle As A Stripper

4 posts in this topic

I was prescribed adderall one year ago. Before it, my life was a mess. I was depressed, unable to function and would shut down when work and school became too much. I tried numerous other anti depressants before addy and nothing worked. Finally I was diagnosed with ADHD, which runs in my family and started taking adderall. I was prescribed to take two 20mg a day. I only took 10 mg a day for about 5 months and felt better than ever. I made sure to get enough sleep and make sure I was eating dispute my loss of appetite. I started hanging out with this girl who soon became my best friend. I did not know at the time she was a heavy addict to adderall. She soon started to get me to take it recreationally as well. When we would go out, I started popping 5mg and 10mg here and there. She ran her own company and would pressure me to stay up with her all night working and popping addy like candy. My tolerance quickly built and now I am fucked. I still stick to my 20mg a day as prescribed but on weekends / at music events / anything that requires me to be social ill be taking anywhere between 60-120mg more. 

My life was an adderall rollercoaster. I am no longer friends with that girl, and was able to somewhat get to the place I was before I met her. I tried quitted and succeeded but my life was in the same helpless dark adhd place i was before i started. I know I have to stick to my dose and not abuse it, however my job as a stripper/ entertainer is very late hours and requires alot of mental energy. I am naturally introverted and adderall helps me with that. It helps me focus on what my customers are saying to me in the club instead of being distracted by all the other stimulation going on around me. It makes me 10 times more confident and talkative. Or I'm coming down and I am a spacy strung out mess, so what do i do? pop another half. I get home from the club at 5 am. A full nights rest is just not realistic in my work. I am out of control, and adderall is the only thing that makes me feel in control. I tell myself dont take another one youve taken too many, but my tolerance is so high that when I finally take it, I feel calm and more normal than before. Once again im in an addy emotional rollercoaster that I do not know how to get off nor do I want too but I know i need too. :( 

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PIcs please? Ha just kidding. Well the first thing you must decide if you really want to quit, if your not 100% then it's kind of pointless. It sounds like your justifying reasons to yourself of why u take it. I did that for 9 years but knew what it was doing. The only thing I can say is it seems like the people who were only on it a year or two have a lot quicker recovery time and less long term damage after quiting so it's something to consider. I'm a year and 6 months clean it's getting better but still not easy. 

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Omg I am you. Same story!! I quit 9 months ago and I had to stop being a dancer. I can't carry on a conversation off the stuff- can't focus on my customers, can't be present. The only think I found that helps is meditation. I just feel like adderall is so bad for you that I would rather find a way without it. I was only on it for a year and I swear I aged 5x faster in that year. 

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@Frank B- you are right I do not want to quit, however I want to regain control not be controlled like when I was first prescribed. I used to sell half my prescription because I only took them when needed. Now I run out a week early. 

I have started the ween off method. I am hoping to eventually get to a place where I pop one dose before my shift at work so I can be concentrated and engaged, and not over stimulated at the noisy fast paced club with my adhd brain. I only work 2-4 times a week. On days I do not work, i will attempt to be sober, as I usually am just recovering from work and maybe reward myself with another half a dose for working. 

Once I start getting through my off days and accomplishing things without addy, then i can attempt to lower and ween off my working days. Until then...ill be in straight hustle mode! 

@Lovebear- I know that concentration is worsened and social interaction is even harder when coming off of addy. Now that you are 9 months clean.. do you think you would ever be able to get back into dancing? If i quit cold turkey I would definitely have to stop dancing too.

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