Am I really back at 0?

[justcantstart]

Hey everyone,

First, thanks so much to everyone who has posted in this forum and takes the time to reply. I’m so glad this is here. 
 

I'm looking for anyone who has input and experience on my situation. Where I’m at: 103 days ago, I stopped using all drugs and alcohol including Adderall, which was prescribed to me for ADHD. About 60 days ago I also stopped taking a med I was on for a mood disorder that I DONT have and increasingly feel was misdiagnosed because of side effects of taking prescribed stimulants for 19 years. Now I’m just taking a low dose of Wellbutrin which helped with quitting Adderall in the early days but now doesn’t seem to be doing much. 
 

Like so many of you, I’m over three months in and I still feel god awful. No energy whatsoever, depressed, no ability to initiate tasks. Completely couch ridden. Quitting weed and alcohol sucked and coming off the mood stabilizer was rough for a month or so, but I have no desire to go back to any of those. It’s just the desire for Adderall that is sticking around. I never really misused it but my prescribed dose steadily increased over the years up to 30 mg XR, which at the end wasn’t doing a thing for me. 
 

My question for you all: On day 97, so 6 days ago, I’d had enough and decided to take about 10 mg Adderall XR. I definitely do have ADHD, diagnosed when I was a teenager and don’t doubt my diagnosis at all, so I guess I convinced myself maybe I needed it to function after all, even though toward the end I was depressed, uncreative, constantly irritable and prone to random rage. It’s hard when a doctor is telling me I need it to treat a condition I know I have, but I know deep down the drug is harming me physically, emotionally, spiritually. Anyway, I took it, and almost immediately was able to complete a bunch of things on my to do list for weeks, but other than that brief bit of motivation, I felt straight up horrible—anxious, detached from my spouse and the world around me. Within a few hours I was like, nope, gotta go back to quitting, and haven’t taken it again since.

My question is, in terms of withdrawal timelines and everything else, am I really back at square one because of a 10 mg relapse on day 97? Should I start the counter back at 0 or consider this a small hiccup? Just curious what others think because I know you all said it gets better-ish after 6 months and even better after a year, and I want to stick it out, but if that one day starts the clock back at 0 days instead of being at about 3 months, I guess I just want to know when you’d expect I could start to feel human again. I find myself daily fighting the urge to just call my psychiatrist and go back on it because I know she’d fill the script in a heartbeat because of my diagnosis.
 

Any advice greatly appreciated, about the timeline, quitting, ADHD or anything else. Thank you! 

[justcantstart]

Thanks tjzen. Really appreciate you reading. I feel you about the weight gain too, I’ve probably put on at least 20 pounds but it feels like a thousand. Congratulations on 3.5 months. I’ll be rooting for you! 

[Momoffadderall]

1. You are doing amazing! 3+ months off everything is huge and you should feel really good about that. I think you will still get the benefits of 3+ months off of adderall with your slip up. Don’t start at 0.

2. You learned how you didn’t like how it made you feel so that is worth something. Exercise, meditation, and yoga are helping me tremendously- have you tried any of those things? Take some time to figure out what triggered you to take it. 

3. is it in your house? Get rid of it. Tell a friend to listen to you while you call your doc and tell them you do not want another prescription and please don’t give it to you in future. 

 

im only 3 weeks off of it but feeling better and better every day. 

[justcantstart]

Thanks so much for your reply. It made me feel a lot better on a particularly rough day. 
 

Great suggestions too. I exercised some in the first 30 days but seemed to lose my will to do it more recently, though I will say it definitely helped when I was doing it. Yoga and meditation I haven’t tried yet. Do you use an app to meditate or anything? 
 

Unfortunately I do still have some in my house and the fact that I haven’t gotten rid of it is more proof to the fact that I’m more addicted than “need” it. Your post made me realize I need to just bite the bullet and throw it out.

 

rooting for you at 3 weeks…congratulations!