Quitting after 10 years

[Newbie1234]

I was in PA school and got my ADHD diagnosis then. My doctor didn’t do much formal testing, but all the symptoms lined up so I went with it and started taking 10mg of adderall. Initially it changed my life I finally could study, get my work done, and focus. 10 years later, I’m battling multiple chronic illnesses & have abused adderall throughout the years. One of my illnesses is called POTS where I have low blood pressure, brain fog, trouble concentrating etc that can mimic ADHD. Even though adderall can be a treatment for POTS, I know I have to quit. I go through my prescription too early, will take it too late in the day and stay up too late that ruins my next day. The justification in my mind of “it’s a treatment for POTS” or “I have an ADHD diagnosis” I know deep down aren’t true.  I don’t think I ever had ADHD. The drug does more harm than good for me. The hardest part is my husband is prescribed too and he definitely abuses it sometimes just to catch up on work, or be “productive”. I’m sick of feeling guilty and regretting taking the medication and want to be able to be myself all of the time without needing adderall to help. I’m planning my wedding which is the hardest part to quit since it’s so many tedious tasks and so stressful, but I feel like I need to. I don’t want adderall ruining these big moments. Just figured I’d post for some accountability for myself. Hoping the weight gain and withdrawal won’t ruin my wedding day in a few weeks but I’m ready to be done with it for good. Any advice welcome please. Thank you! 

[ALA]

Hey @Newbie1234, I share a similar experience with being prescribed Adderall for a chronic condition, and I'm only one week in from not taking it, but when I read your post, it made me reflect back to my days preparing for my wedding (1st wedding; marriage didn't last). I was deep into my abuse of adderall and prioritized all the wrong reasons for not wanting to get off of it during this time I continued abusing after my wedding, which honestly was a major driving force to ending my marriage just after 1 year. Despite this I continued abusing Adderall in my next chapters in life, and it took a cancer diagnosis this summer to finally call it quits. Anyways, I'm sharing this part of my story because I want to give you props for prioritizing the person you want to be before getting married and not letting this awful drug ruin the big moments. I really hope your wedding day was a beautiful one!