90 days

[Nkl]

Today marks day 90 since I quit adderrall, with a couple of small relapses 2 months ago

long story a little less long, I was on it pretty much daily for 3 years before I decided to quit, I had a 20mg prescription but I would take a higher dose on some days (up to 50 at times) while taking lower doses on others. During the past year the I needed it for EVERYTHING and the side effects really took off.. I would take 20mg in the morning along with a hefty caffeine dose and crash in the afternoon. I would wake up around 1-3am with pain in the back of my eyes unable to go back to sleep which I believe was the acute withdrawal symptoms. It would also give me extreme muscle twitching and neck pain/tightness which I thought would go away after I stopped using but unfortunately that’s not the case.. I am sure it’s the adderall though as during those small relapses it instantly got worse.

I had a window of opportunity with little obligation in June where I decided I would taper off and then only use it sparingly (yeah right). I tapered off in a pretty stupid way but it worked nonetheless.. I would use a gradually lower dosage every day while 3-4 days a week taking a higher dosage before a workout, I worked my way down to stupidly small dosages where I used a mg scale in order to weigh as little as 0.5mg worth of amphetamine at the end of my taper . This taper took me about 3 months until I was at zero on august 30th.. I’ve since then took 10mg a couple of times and 5 mg a couple of times on my first month off as i thought I’ll be able to use it only occasionally and feel fine.

I guess I’m not nearly as deep down the rabbit hole as some others here as I largely took my prescribed dose throughout but recovery is still insanely hard, honestly I’m happy I didn’t read up on it much before quitting as I wouldn’t have gone for it have I known I had such a long road ahead of me.. I had about a week where I felt much better but the paws hit me again a few days ago and it’s a bitch.. extreme low energy, depression and suicidal thoughts at times.  
 

im really struggling and reading some of the stories here really helps a lot, it’s great to have such a community.

[Nkl]

Thank you so much for the reply, really helps being able to discuss this with others who are going through something similar..

yes I absolutely do realize I need to get rid of those pills.. I have so many of them.. about a 9 month supply of 20 mg (I was using a lower average dosage the past year. But I’m finding this very hard to do, though I will say I have zero cravings for the drug at this point and don’t really feel a temptation to use.. something in the back of my mind kind of think I’ll be able to use them again in a lower dosage and only sparingly although I do know this is probably the disease talking in my head, I think maybe once I’ll feel better and see that I can function normally without it I will be able to truly let go.

 

It’s important to note this is my first try at quitting..I know it may not sound that bad but the withdrawals are a true bitch, I can only imagine what some of those with more serious abuse most go through..