I tried to quit but I can't.... so very sad

[Debra77]

I have been taking adderall and vyvanse for at least 4 years now daily. When I don't take it I can't even get out of bed and will stay in bed all day. This stuff has ruined me. I was out of work for a little while and I decided I was going to quit this stuff and I made it almost a month until I found a job and I couldn't function at work without it. I was extremely tired and just stared at the computer screen on the edge of my seat. For the month that I didn't take it my mood was leveled out but the exhaustion never eased up and I stayed in bed most of the time. When the adderall starts wearing off I'm disconnected from the world. I feel like a zombie and all I want is to be left alone and get into my bed. This is a roller coaster ride and I'm so tired of it. My doctor also has me on Prozac and xanax. I'm addicted to the xanax too. I have a few good hours a day and the rest is down hill. When I get home from work i'm totally useless and I have 2 teenage sons that need me. I cry everyday. These doctors just keep prescribing this crap but don't tell you the hell you will go thru if your on it long term. I've pushed away family and friends and don't socialize at all. This has had a huge impact on my kids. I don't want to take this stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm taking uppers and downers. I don't know what to do anymore as I'm just existing. I don't see a way out of this especially having to work a full time job. I can't function without it. It is going to be the death of me.

[Rev&Rush]

Hi,

Have you seen your dr to see if you have another medical condition? Like a full on physical all blood work done? If yes, maybe see an endocrinologist to do further tests that a GP normally doesn't do?

[FALCON]

Debra I no exactly the way you feel I have Ben down that road jest not to long ago uppers and downers. I know it doesn’t make any common sense you get all hyped up on the stimulants and then you need the xanax to level you back man do I remember that roller coaster ride. You are in no mans land you cant work without the stimulants I know and you most make a income to provide for the two boys. Baby I don’t no what to say to you except I was in the same place as you are now my heart goes out to you. I don’t like when people suffer or are in mental agony and I am UN able to help it hurts me because I know the pain .What I am going to suggest to you is ween of the xanax it is a devil of a drug and in my Apennines it fuckes with you more then the stimulants do it also makes you tiered and jest makes you want to sleep .

At my peek of xanax use I was on 8 milligrams a day I was using it in the middle of the night so i could get to sleep and get up to go to work then I would do the addarell during the day so I could be productive at my job everything came to a Holt and I became the waking died a zambee. I say at this point try to get off the xanax first by weening your self off .025 milligrams every two weeks don’t rush when you reduce every two weeks do not up your does no mater how shity you may feel stay at your dayly does and take the xanax the same time every day spread it out don’t take the xanax as needed you will be defeating the purpose of weening off trust me I have had lots of experience with xanax use .you will feel better when you get off the shit and then when your off the xanax you can then work on quitting adderall . I recommend cold turkey there are no bade health effects . You no you have Ben clean off adderall for 30 days or so.It is not a easy jurny it will take you time to get clean in my experience getting off the xanax most be first I have tried many defrent combinations of getting clean of adderall and xanax and I feel this is the easyest way I know learn from my mistakes feel free to contact me any time you need to talk in privet

Your caring friend FALCON

[Cat]

Debra, it is really hard being addicted to uppers and downers. For me the downer wasn't xanax but Ambien. I felt like a slave to the pills at all times. At no time did I feel comfortable existing in my own skin without some sort of substance. Vyvanse, alcohol, ambien, every single day.

I just want to say that even though it seems impossible to escape that cycle, it's not. You CAN get out of it. It's hard for sure. But if you stick with it then you can make it, and you will be so, so happy that you did. You will finally feel like you are in control of your life.

[lea]

Hi Debra --

Have you spoken with your doc about addiction concerns? Or better yet, maybe see a different doctor and talk about meds that are non-addictive -- american society of addition medicine (ASAM) has a list of docs with training in addictions that can help you - it's actually a growing sub-specialty of medicine in light of the world we live in. I learned about this @ rehab lol... Getting a physical and blood work also sounds like a good idea.

At any rate I know how you feel - can't live with it can't live without it. It's very scary to feel that way and of course you want to isolate, your miserable. I don't mean to imply that meds are the only solution, you just sound so depressed, and not all doctors are clueless about addiction. I feel like if I can quit stimulants (one day at a time) anyone can! I'm really glad you posted. xoxo

[SomedayDreamer]

I have been taking adderall and vyvanse for at least 4 years now daily. When I don't take it I can't even get out of bed and will stay in bed all day. This stuff has ruined me. I was out of work for a little while and I decided I was going to quit this stuff and I made it almost a month until I found a job and I couldn't function at work without it. I was extremely tired and just stared at the computer screen on the edge of my seat. For the month that I didn't take it my mood was leveled out but the exhaustion never eased up and I stayed in bed most of the time. When the adderall starts wearing off I'm disconnected from the world. I feel like a zombie and all I want is to be left alone and get into my bed. This is a roller coaster ride and I'm so tired of it. My doctor also has me on Prozac and xanax. I'm addicted to the xanax too. I have a few good hours a day and the rest is down hill. When I get home from work i'm totally useless and I have 2 teenage sons that need me. I cry everyday. These doctors just keep prescribing this crap but don't tell you the hell you will go thru if your on it long term. I've pushed away family and friends and don't socialize at all. This has had a huge impact on my kids. I don't want to take this stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm taking uppers and downers. I don't know what to do anymore as I'm just existing. I don't see a way out of this especially having to work a full time job. I can't function without it. It is going to be the death of me.

I have never taken Xanax myself, but doesn't it have a next-day fatigue effect? If your exhaustion never eased up after a month off adderall (not even a little some days?) then perhaps it isn't just stimulant withdrawal underlying the tiredness... could be a number of other things, but I had always heard reports that Xanax leaves lingering hang-over like fatigue.

I am four weeks off addie, unemployed as of last week but also have four kids to care for on my own. I do understand the exhausted feeling and it still arises here, but it's more mental now than anything-- demands and responsibilities feel relentless. I've had to let stuff slide some days and accept that I am only one person. If you want to get off adderall, you have to lower your expectations of yourself too at least for a time-- I realize you have to work, you have to care for your kids (are they teens? Can you delegate some stuff around the house?) but cut yourself some slack wherever you can. It doesn't mean you're substandard, it means you're human and so long as you expect yourself to be super-human, you will always feel like you need adderall. JMHO

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Hi Debra,

Thanks for coming back - I was actually just thinking about you today and wondering how you were. I'm so sorry this addiction has got its grip on you and won't let up. I know exactly how you feel... like lea, I was on adderall + ambien and then added xanax later to the regimen and alcohol. I don't think there was an hour that went by where I wasn't doing something chemically to alter my brain. It's a horrible existence, and you feel completely out of control and unsure whether you can even trust your own decisions and actions when you're so controlled by medication.

I'm sure you're experiencing memory loss, maybe even psychosis given the soup of neurochemicals you've got going on up there in your frontal cortex. Are you sleeping? Eating? Drinking water? All those things have a big impact on your short and medium term health when you're taking so many crazy meds.

For me, the only way I could give up was to go cold turkey on everything. I gave up adderall and xanax at once, and then alcohol about 2 weeks later. I don't recommend it actually, now I know how dangerous it is to give up xanax like that... oh and because I ended up in the hospital. But I do think that quitting adderall cold turkey was the only way to go.

Debra you are so down on yourself, I'd love it if you were able to have a plan to quit... might give you a bit of the hope you need so desperately in your life right now. Did you read the article in the Times on the weekend? This is such serious stuff... and you know continuing like you are is probably unsustainable...

Please stay on the forums and let us know how we can help you. I really feel your awful depression right now.