Did I completely Screw it up?

[Jon B]

Hey everyone, - Haven't posted here before. Been lingering around this site for the past few months. Its provided so much motivation for me to quit adderall. I had winged myself all the way down to 10mg of Adderall from 60 mg. I was approaching almost a couple of months on 10 mg. However, I've been so stressed lately with work and life (my terrible excuse) and I took a 50 mg vyvance today that I had left over from a while ago, thinking I would be at least able to knock out some work and make decisions that I have been unable to make since starting 10 mg, but now all I feel is regret.  I know i'm not supposed to step back up and I did.  Have I completely screwed up all the stepping down that I've done? - I have almost 3 weeks off of work for the holidays and am planning to cold turkey. Guess I'm just feeling stuck in life right now.  Thanks in advance for the insight, advice, and support.   

[SleepyStupid]

hi @Jon B

Welcome to the forums! glad to hear that staying close to the site has helped thus far, the forum has over 10 years of stories and content for inspiration. one of the common threads you'll see is about the pros/cons of tapering (weaning down) vs cold turkey. I think that the general consensus here is that tapering introduces a point of failure in simply having access to Adderall. Life never gets less complicated over time, and you will absolutely have days of stress and temptation. if you simply have no access to stimulants on those days, then that's one less thing to battle!

that said, one mistake won't erase all the effort you've put in, and that feeling of regret is a good sign. just get back on track with your plan. for these 3 weeks off work, I highly suggest throwing out or locking up your Adderall. if you can't bring yourself to throw it out, you can try something like a kSafe:

https://www.thekitchensafe.com/

gl and keep us posted (:

[GettingOffOfIt]

22 hours ago, Jon B said:

Hey everyone, - Haven't posted here before. Been lingering around this site for the past few months. Its provided so much motivation for me to quit adderall. I had winged myself all the way down to 10mg of Adderall from 60 mg. I was approaching almost a couple of months on 10 mg. However, I've been so stressed lately with work and life (my terrible excuse) and I took a 50 mg vyvance today that I had left over from a while ago, thinking I would be at least able to knock out some work and make decisions that I have been unable to make since starting 10 mg, but now all I feel is regret.  I know i'm not supposed to step back up and I did.  Have I completely screwed up all the stepping down that I've done? - I have almost 3 weeks off of work for the holidays and am planning to cold turkey. Guess I'm just feeling stuck in life right now.  Thanks in advance for the insight, advice, and support.   

I weaned  myself off and I stepped up a couple of times but not anywhere as much as the amount that you did so I can't completely relate to that.  I stepped up from 2.5 to 7 once and from 1.25 to 5 another time.  As long as you did it only once, it shouldn't set you back too badly.  Think of it as your brain being like a sponge.  It takes a while for it to dry up of Adderall once you quit.  Weaning off makes it dry up quicker once you stop.  One day of going up to 50 won't completely saturate the sponge.   However, the battle will be mentally from stopping yourself from stepping up again.  Use battle tested strategies for combatting general types of cravings to keep yourself from ding it again.  Good Luck!

[DelaneyJuliette]

I had a 1.5 day adderall relapse Sunday afternoon thru Monday at ab 11pm where I stayed up all night but I stopped then and went to sleep.  Didnt take anything yesterday. It was awful and have a lot of feelings that I let that happen.  I was so scared I was gonna lose all I've gained since stopping 3 months ago.  But I didn't.  So nuts though how I got so trapped by it again in just one day (after 3 months of being off) It was insane.  That was scary.  I am shaky from the experience but still coming back into being solid.  I guess I am grateful for it bc it super solidified how much I do not EVER want adderall in my life again.

[GettingOffOfIt]

1 hour ago, DelaneyJuliette said:

I had a 1.5 day adderall relapse Sunday afternoon thru Monday at ab 11pm where I stayed up all night but I stopped then and went to sleep.  Didnt take anything yesterday. It was awful and have a lot of feelings that I let that happen.  I was so scared I was gonna lose all I've gained since stopping 3 months ago.  But I didn't.  So nuts though how I got so trapped by it again in just one day (after 3 months of being off) It was insane.  That was scary.  I am shaky from the experience but still coming back into being solid.  I guess I am grateful for it bc it super solidified how much I do not EVER want adderall in my life again.

Hang in there!

[Jon B]

On 12/14/2022 at 10:24 AM, SleepyStupid said:

hi @Jon B

Welcome to the forums! glad to hear that staying close to the site has helped thus far, the forum has over 10 years of stories and content for inspiration. one of the common threads you'll see is about the pros/cons of tapering (weaning down) vs cold turkey. I think that the general consensus here is that tapering introduces a point of failure in simply having access to Adderall. Life never gets less complicated over time, and you will absolutely have days of stress and temptation. if you simply have no access to stimulants on those days, then that's one less thing to battle!

that said, one mistake won't erase all the effort you've put in, and that feeling of regret is a good sign. just get back on track with your plan. for these 3 weeks off work, I highly suggest throwing out or locking up your Adderall. if you can't bring yourself to throw it out, you can try something like a kSafe:

https://www.thekitchensafe.com/

gl and keep us posted (:

hi @SleepyStupid thanks for the advice. I told myself when I started tapering that I wouldn't step up, but its a lot harder than I imagined. The site has truly been helpful in providing me with courage to get off of it. 

[Jon B]

The way I've stepped down has been from 60, 40, 30, 20, 10. What I've realized is that the habbit of taking adderall every morning for years is what is the toughest to get over. Sounds like you have definitely made some progress on your journey which is awesome! How long have you been weaning off for?

On 12/14/2022 at 11:33 AM, GettingOffOfIt said:

I weaned  myself off and I stepped up a couple of times but not anywhere as much as the amount that you did so I can't completely relate to that.  I stepped up from 2.5 to 7 once and from 1.25 to 5 another time.  As long as you did it only once, it shouldn't set you back too badly.  Think of it as your brain being like a sponge.  It takes a while for it to dry up of Adderall once you quit.  Weaning off makes it dry up quicker once you stop.  One day of going up to 50 won't completely saturate the sponge.   However, the battle will be mentally from stopping yourself from stepping up again.  Use battle tested strategies for combatting general types of cravings to keep yourself from ding it again.  Good Luck!

 

[Jon B]

On 12/14/2022 at 1:34 PM, DelaneyJuliette said:

I had a 1.5 day adderall relapse Sunday afternoon thru Monday at ab 11pm where I stayed up all night but I stopped then and went to sleep.  Didnt take anything yesterday. It was awful and have a lot of feelings that I let that happen.  I was so scared I was gonna lose all I've gained since stopping 3 months ago.  But I didn't.  So nuts though how I got so trapped by it again in just one day (after 3 months of being off) It was insane.  That was scary.  I am shaky from the experience but still coming back into being solid.  I guess I am grateful for it bc it super solidified how much I do not EVER want adderall in my life again.

@DelaneyJuliette I've read many of your post from the past! Sounds like you have made a ton of progress on your journey.

[GettingOffOfIt]

1 hour ago, Jon B said:

The way I've stepped down has been from 60, 40, 30, 20, 10. What I've realized is that the habbit of taking adderall every morning for years is what is the toughest to get over. Sounds like you have definitely made some progress on your journey which is awesome! How long have you been weaning off for?

 

I started around Mid to Early November 2021.  started at 60 and took a huge first step.  It was rough.  I think I went from 60 to 20 or something close to that (Adderall).  I then stepped down to 1.25 per day by January.  Then I would skip a day, then 2 day, then I stopped completely on Jan 13th and have been free from it for 11 months.  Stepping down is definitely the way to go and it sounds like you are through much of the hard parts.  Keep it up, you are getting close!