Mental improvement..

[Kyle_Chaos]

So it's been two months for me since I last had the poison, I'm noticing a slight mental improvement. My last use was in such a quantity that it set me back quite a bit, or maybe I just find myself constantly dwelling on when the day will come that I'm completely back to normal.

At what month in your recovery did you notice the most significant mental improvement?

I need something to look forward to.

[quit-once]

There was a topic thread started by Steven the Kyle about a year ago entitled "when does mental sharpness return?"

Have you seen that one?

For me, it was so gradual that I really couldn't pick a moment in time. It was somewhere between three and nine months that my brain came back to me.

[Kyle_Chaos]

Shit, that's a little humiliating. Thanks.. I will find that one and delete this one later.

[quit-once]

I was gonna edit but I had one more thought. I had to take a certification exam around five months into the quit. I studied my ass off for it and I was concerned about whether I would pass it. As it turns out, I did just fine and gained some much needed confidence that my ability to learn and retain information had returned. But my short and medium term memory still isn't what it was ten years ago - and maybe that is simply a function of getting old(er). I have to compensate for my poor memory by keeping a pen and paper with me almost all the time to write myself notes.

[Greg]

I remember that thread...i remember steventhekyle when i bumped into you on another forum ehealthforums and referred you to this one..lol.

Quit Once - I was thinking about what you said, about the certification exam. I just handed in my first exam, it was a take home. Its my first real exam (that's not a quiz or homework) that is worth 20% of my grade. I really feel like doing well on it would give me some much needed confidence as i get started here in school. But after we handed it in, of course everyone was discussing what they did on the exam, and i realized i made some serious errors and the stuff , charts and graphs to support, were not as substantial as everyone else's. I got a major concept wrong, that seemed like such common sense for everyone else. I felt so lousy i had to walk away, but of course I couldn't stop dwelling on it for the rest of the day, and today too. I have resolved im going to get bad grade. It's just a horrible way to start, in terms of getting some needed confidence.

When i was on adderall, i shot for a 4.0.

Now, I am shooting for a 3.25 to keep my scholarship. At the very minimum a 3.0 per semester is needed to obtain my MBA. Much lower standards.

But still, i dont think i performed well enough on this last take home and i really dont want to be like this through the rest of the semester.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

InRecovery,

You've been off the grid schoolwise for some time now, right? Are your other classmates recent graduates of other programs? I'm sure it's just a matter of getting in the flow of school again. And honestly, there is NOTHING you can do about that test now, so may as well learn what you can from it and let it go. That's what I'm saying about all these interviews I'm having... try my best and forget the rest.

I'm sure you did brilliantly. Really.

[Greg]

InRecovery,

You've been off the grid schoolwise for some time now, right? Are your other classmates recent graduates of other programs? I'm sure it's just a matter of getting in the flow of school again. And honestly, there is NOTHING you can do about that test now, so may as well learn what you can from it and let it go. That's what I'm saying about all these interviews I'm having... try my best and forget the rest.

I'm sure you did brilliantly. Really.

Thanks MFA, I feel better!

Yes, I am off the grid school wise. Much longer than most of my peers. I think about that too. You are right. There is really nothing i can do. I might as well not feel bad while i wait for the news which is one week from now. By the way i really admire how you have been handling your interviews!

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Thanks MFA, I feel better!

Yes, I am off the grid school wise. Much longer than my peers I think. I think about that too. You are right. There is really nothing i can do. I might as well not feel bad while i wait for the news which is one week from now. By the way i really admire how you have been handling your interviews!

Thanks InRecovery, that means a lot. I'm feeling a bit down today to be honest because I'm just getting a little tired of interview upon interview upon interview. I am in a better place mentally but I've had 4 interviews this week, of which 1 over the phone and one by skype which was today. I hate skype interviews, they are always disjointed and poorly connected and you never get a good sense of flow like you do when you meet someone live. But anyway I'm just kind of bored of it all. I need a new job, but talking about myself for even 30 mins bores me to tears and I'm sure it's beginning to show.

Anyone got any good suggestions as to how not to become bored with telling your own story over and over and over again? I'd make a terrible politician...

[Greg]

MFA, you are getting really good at telling your story each time you tell it. And the better you tell your story the better chance you have of getting a job. It may seem boring to you but you are getting better at telling it to them each time and remember they are hearing it for the first time. it's going to come out much more concise and natural than other people who haven't practiced and are struggling to think of their story. For a lot of people this could be there first interview and their story will come out rougher. I think its awesome that you are lining up so many different interviews. You clearly have an outstanding resume, it's just a matter of time. Remember, the average job search is 9 months. Im feeling confidant youre going to beat the odds. (but for variety, the one where you have to give a presentation in 1 hour sounds seriously unboring)

[Greg]

So it's been two months for me since I last had the poison, I'm noticing a slight mental improvement. My last use was in such a quantity that it set me back quite a bit, or maybe I just find myself constantly dwelling on when the day will come that I'm completely back to normal.

At what month in your recovery did you notice the most significant mental improvement?

I need something to look forward to.

KyleChaos, I think its not just a physical dopamine link with mental sharpness.

Here is how i believe adderall damages us psychologically.

I believe that on a psychological level, adderall withers away our belief that we can control our circumstances to perform well. When we quit the adderall we begin regaining our belief that we are in control and we can change our own fate..that we can salvage unfavorable circumstances.

edit - the anology i am thinking of is ocean wave beach erosion. The ocean wave is of course the adderall, the beach is our internal belief in our abilities..

[Cassie]

Thanks InRecovery, that means a lot. I'm feeling a bit down today to be honest because I'm just getting a little tired of interview upon interview upon interview. I am in a better place mentally but I've had 4 interviews this week, of which 1 over the phone and one by skype which was today. I hate skype interviews, they are always disjointed and poorly connected and you never get a good sense of flow like you do when you meet someone live. But anyway I'm just kind of bored of it all. I need a new job, but talking about myself for even 30 mins bores me to tears and I'm sure it's beginning to show.

Anyone got any good suggestions as to how not to become bored with telling your own story over and over and over again? I'd make a terrible politician...

Just try to think of it as acting and fake the enthusiam the best you can. Looking for a job and 'selling yourself' sucks so hard. You can't pretend to yourself that it doesn't. I hope you find something soon so the search can be over.

[BeHereNow]

Kyle_Chaos: On the question of mental sharpness, I have to say that although I'm riding the waves from day to day, I am 40ish days in and I do feel sharper and sharper every week. Little mental breakthrough moments, and frustrating why-doesn't-my-brain-work moments. I do think it's a gradual improvement. Been eating really healthy, working out, taking lots of supplements and Tyrosine, and its HELPING. Last time I quit, I was an undergrad, and the return was gradual too. I do remember a dawning but major breakthrough after about a year, when I started my senior thesis. THAT was when I really felt the full mental sharpness return. It was because I was genuinely passionate about it, and felt confident about my project, my abilities and my mind. Actually, I remember during that time I had a one-day relapse where I felt stupider the whole day--I felt I had lost that whole work day by taking adderall. That's how much my sharpness exceeded adderall. Anyway I really think that being engaged in something you LOVE really helps the mental sharpness return.

InRecovery: Sorry to hear about your test, that's a tough blow. I think MFA is right--it takes time to get back into the school game. I took time off too and it was definitely an adjustment. When you get your test back, I think it would really help if you make an appt to talk to your professor. You can go over the exam and where you went wrong, which shows that you care to learn, and maybe see what opportunities you might have to improve your grade this semester. Extra credit opportunities or what you can do better next time, etc. Just bring a genuine desire-to-learn attitude, be professional and friendly, and maybe even say that you've been out of school for awhile and that you're still getting back in the swing of things.

I don't know if its any consolation, but I am consistently one week behind in a class and just went to my prof to talk about the work from LAST week....I am still that far behind...I'm sure it doesn't look great, but whatever......I explained that I spend hours on it every day but it's totally new to me, that I'm struggling and its slow going but I really want to master it. He helped me out a LOT by going over it with me. I think showing that you care makes a huge difference, and one on one time helps too. I'm going to start going to office hours every week. Maybe that strategy would help you too?

MFA, That sounds like Groundhog's Day, talking about yourself over and over in interviews. Sounds so rough!!! Sorry you're going through that!! I could totally see how that would get boring. I wonder if there are ways you can jazz it up a little, like by rewriting your story slightly (I don't mean lying, just focusing on different aspects of yourself), so you're not just repeating yourself?

Also, I might be completely wrong about this, but I'm wondering if part of the reason you're getting bored has to do with any underlying beliefs about your own story. As you know, we have to work really hard to regain our confidence to replace the fake confidence the poison offered. I wonder if it would help if you try to boost your natural confidence levels a little? Maybe get some complements from people, remember old ones, give yourself some complements, think about your good qualities? Because if you're feeling extra confident about YOU, then you might be more interested in sharing your story-- you might have more love for your own story, because you'll have a sense that it's a valuable story worth telling. (Which, by the way, it IS.) And THAT will show, and will look great to employers.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Thanks everyone, I didn't expect such a barrage of nice words today! It was kind of a throwaway comment from me, I am just sucking it up because I know you can't avoid interviews if you want to get a job! I do believe though that passion is hard to fake. And there are certainly some jobs I can DO, and am perfectly qualitifed for, but I just kind of don't WANT to. Like the one today.... he gave his background blah blah I gave my background blah blah he asked a terribly ambiguous and pretty shitty question and I had to try to find some way of answering it that sounded vaguely intelligent when all I really wanted to say was, "what the fuck are you talking about and what kind of dumbass question is that?!" I don't have a great poker face.

I do like the suggestion from you Cassie about acting. I've done it before and it helps. And Occasional 1 that's a great uggestion in fact I come here for my ego boosts! You guys make me feel so much better about myself.

If I was taking adderall I'm sure I'd be pacing around the house by now wondering what I could do to redeem myself from that godawful meeting this morning, but right now I'm thinking fuckit, it's snowing, its warm inside and I want to watch some netflix.

Thanks so much guys, you are so great at making me feel better!

[Mikey D]

So it's been two months for me since I last had the poison, I'm noticing a slight mental improvement. My last use was in such a quantity that it set me back quite a bit, or maybe I just find myself constantly dwelling on when the day will come that I'm completely back to normal.

At what month in your recovery did you notice the most significant mental improvement?

I need something to look forward to.

I wonder the same thing. I feel up and down, some days are good, others suck. I'm tired in the mornings and feel most awake at night, around 6pm-11. Eating healthy helps my body, but I still feel like I'm lacking in the mental sharpness department. I think I'm almost a month clean. I'm about to start a heavy metals detox, for mercury and lead. I've read some good results from people with add feeling a lot better from detoxing metals. At this point I'll try anything to get 100% again, hey I'll take 90%. I read an article from Yale university about ketamine "special k" rebuilding and restoring neurons. I thought that was interesting and humourous. I did K one time when I was 17 and swear I tripped telekenisis balls for over a day. I was happy but definitely tripping.

Last time I quit it took me about 3 months to feel better. Then again I will say 2012 was the most bizarre and stressful year of my life. I'm still adjusting to a lot including quitting adderall.