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17 Months - Still experiencing bouts of PAWS


sirod9

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I'm venting and seeking support. I'm 17 months clean off of adderall. Over the last few months, I have felt pretty damn good, but I occasionally experience what feels like PAWS. bouts of PAWS. They are not as long as they used to be, but boy are they frustrating. Each bout begins slowly, as though I begin a slow decent into quicksand. Then, it peaks for 24 to 48+ hours, then a slow ascent back up to normal. Right now, my current bout began slowly next week. Then on Friday, I sunk throughout the day and I'm still in the worst part of it.. I'm experiencing the following:

  • fatigue
  • my body feels heavy
  • scattered energy, thoughts
  • can't execute plans
  • my plans go all over the place
  • low mood
  • anhedonia 
  • increased hunger
  • my chest feels heavy

so, here I am. a few weeks ago, I felt great. I have been feeling really guilty and bad about this, because I can't seem to pull myself out of this. I asked my boyfriend if he experiences this type of mood, he says yes. And tells me it is normal. But I'm not sure. it feels like I just quit a month ago. I'm finally coming to the conclusion that I have to just accept this and try to enjoy it I guess. This is going to happen, and I no longer have a drug to turn to. 

Also, I quit smoking last week, with the help of nicotine patches. I guess that may be contributing to this crappy feeling??

Looking forward to 18 months, looking forward to feeling better again. Ugh!!!

I hope everyone is having a good day.

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Thinking back to where I was at 18 mos post quit, I was still taking the supplements L-Tyrosine, Lions Mane and red bull.  I kept the Tyrosine on hand for a few more years to help manage the occasional bout of depression or PAWS.  I would have a couple of slumps a year, still do, just not as intense or as often.  I think quitting smoking would also affect how you feel so hang in there.  PAWS will eventually not bother you anymore.   Enjoy your newfound freedoms and way to go for kicking the cigs!

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8 hours ago, quit-once said:

Thinking back to where I was at 18 mos post quit, I was still taking the supplements L-Tyrosine, Lions Mane and red bull.  I kept the Tyrosine on hand for a few more years to help manage the occasional bout of depression or PAWS.  I would have a couple of slumps a year, still do, just not as intense or as often.  I think quitting smoking would also affect how you feel so hang in there.  PAWS will eventually not bother you anymore.   Enjoy your newfound freedoms and way to go for kicking the cigs!

Thank you, Quit-once. It is just helpful to know that this happens, it is not unusial. "Slump" is a great way to describe it. Could you share what brand brand you used for L-Tyrosine?

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On 1/8/2023 at 3:33 PM, sirod9 said:

I'm venting and seeking support. I'm 17 months clean off of adderall. Over the last few months, I have felt pretty damn good, but I occasionally experience what feels like PAWS. bouts of PAWS. They are not as long as they used to be, but boy are they frustrating. Each bout begins slowly, as though I begin a slow decent into quicksand. Then, it peaks for 24 to 48+ hours, then a slow ascent back up to normal. Right now, my current bout began slowly next week. Then on Friday, I sunk throughout the day and I'm still in the worst part of it.. I'm experiencing the following:

  • fatigue
  • my body feels heavy
  • scattered energy, thoughts
  • can't execute plans
  • my plans go all over the place
  • low mood
  • anhedonia 
  • increased hunger
  • my chest feels heavy

so, here I am. a few weeks ago, I felt great. I have been feeling really guilty and bad about this, because I can't seem to pull myself out of this. I asked my boyfriend if he experiences this type of mood, he says yes. And tells me it is normal. But I'm not sure. it feels like I just quit a month ago. I'm finally coming to the conclusion that I have to just accept this and try to enjoy it I guess. This is going to happen, and I no longer have a drug to turn to. 

Also, I quit smoking last week, with the help of nicotine patches. I guess that may be contributing to this crappy feeling??

Looking forward to 18 months, looking forward to feeling better again. Ugh!!!

I hope everyone is having a good day.

Quitting smoking was very tough for me.  I quit almost 20 years ago after smoking for almost 8 years.   I used the patch to get off of it too.  I never looked back.  Good luck to you!  You've got this.  

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  • 6 months later...
On 1/8/2023 at 2:33 PM, sirod9 said:

I'm venting and seeking support. I'm 17 months clean off of adderall. Over the last few months, I have felt pretty damn good, but I occasionally experience what feels like PAWS. bouts of PAWS. They are not as long as they used to be, but boy are they frustrating. Each bout begins slowly, as though I begin a slow decent into quicksand. Then, it peaks for 24 to 48+ hours, then a slow ascent back up to normal. Right now, my current bout began slowly next week. Then on Friday, I sunk throughout the day and I'm still in the worst part of it.. I'm experiencing the following:

  • fatigue
  • my body feels heavy
  • scattered energy, thoughts
  • can't execute plans
  • my plans go all over the place
  • low mood
  • anhedonia 
  • increased hunger
  • my chest feels heavy

so, here I am. a few weeks ago, I felt great. I have been feeling really guilty and bad about this, because I can't seem to pull myself out of this. I asked my boyfriend if he experiences this type of mood, he says yes. And tells me it is normal. But I'm not sure. it feels like I just quit a month ago. I'm finally coming to the conclusion that I have to just accept this and try to enjoy it I guess. This is going to happen, and I no longer have a drug to turn to. 

Also, I quit smoking last week, with the help of nicotine patches. I guess that may be contributing to this crappy feeling??

Looking forward to 18 months, looking forward to feeling better again. Ugh!!!

I hope everyone is having a good day.

 

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On 8/4/2023 at 2:17 PM, tjzen said:

Sirod how are you feeling these days has your mood improved or are you in a similar place? 

 

Thanks for sharing 

Not at all! I'm feeling much better. for instance, I cleaned my apartment yesterday with no issue. I mean, I'm not always into cleaning, but I'm better at executing plans these days. Sometimes I will have a lazy day or afternoon, but nothing like where I was earlier in my recovery. Thank you for the reminder of where I came.

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On 8/4/2023 at 2:17 PM, tjzen said:

Sirod how are you feeling these days has your mood improved or are you in a similar place? 

 

Thanks for sharing 

I'd also like to share an interesting observation. As I began healing more, and having less to no PAWS, my Adderall cravings increased. which is odd - but makes sense. I guess without PAWS reminding me of how awful Adderall is, the parts of me that I still need to work on, that led me to abusing Adderall in the first place, are still present. Working on it daily!

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On 8/6/2023 at 10:45 AM, sirod9 said:

Not at all! I'm feeling much better. for instance, I cleaned my apartment yesterday with no issue. I mean, I'm not always into cleaning, but I'm better at executing plans these days. Sometimes I will have a lazy day or afternoon, but nothing like where I was earlier in my recovery. Thank you for the reminder of where I came.

I'm happy to hear this gets better!

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I am 18 months clean off adderal , I quit cold turkey. I am experiencing severe PAWS right now , it feels like I quit yesterday. I am so grateful I came across the man’s story who created this site , god bless this human. If I didn’t read what he wrote I would think I will never recover because idiot doctors would never validate how long it can take to recover. I now have hope one day I will be healed even if it’s years from now. 

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