Rob Posted January 18, 2023 Report Share Posted January 18, 2023 Ran out of adderall early..... again. This has been the case literally every month for who knows how long (years probably). I'm quite familiar with the "1st week" of withdrawals, since I've gone through it once every 30 days. Why over and over? I don't know. I don't know much right now, all I want to do is sleep. The one thing that's different this time, is I've decided I want nothing more to do with the shit. Whether or not I'll actually follow through remains to be seen. It's weird, I don't like who I am (unmotivated, distant, low-energy, etc.) when I'm not on it, but my life is falling apart because of it. Has my life really come to the point where I have to just settle for the lesser of two evils? So much for becoming the man I've always wanted to be. One thing I'm certain of is that NOT being on adderall has now become the "least-worst" scenario, and now my life has turned into "how can I make it suck the least" instead of "how can I have the life I've always wanted".... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted January 18, 2023 Report Share Posted January 18, 2023 Hey Rob, - If you read through a lot of the post here. Many have had a similar situation. I've been weaning off. Down to 7.5mg a day from 60mg. I should have cold turkey'd from the start. I want so bad to be off of this drug. I think just by joining the forum it shows you have a inner voice telling you that something isn't right and that a much better version of you is waiting for you in the future. I think having the life I always wanted starts by getting off Adderall. That's Step 1. everything after that is about building from scratch. When you decide you are ready to start making the change. people on this forum are very supportive, helpful, and knowledgeable when it comes to getting off of Adderall. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted January 18, 2023 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2023 Thanks Jon. I don't know about a "much better" version of myself, probably the one I remember before adderall (which is why I loved it so much in the first place - I didn't have to be held back by that version. I was finally effective and dynamic etc etc etc or so I thought)... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted January 18, 2023 Report Share Posted January 18, 2023 Something you'll also read from many on this site is that Adderall takes your best qualities and amplifies them when you first started taking them. when i look back at the 7-8 years I realize the euphoric feeling of awsomeness from the drug is a lie and it has held me back in so many ways because it has strayed my brain away from my natural passions and even worse inhibited my brain from growing stronger naturally. These are a few things i have come to terms with. This weaning process has caused me to be at a pretty low point in my life. The lower the dose I take the more sadness/anxiety/regret etc. However, as I reduce my dose, I also find myself truly relaxing, genuinely laughing, sleeping much better, and gaining bits of clarity along the way. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted January 18, 2023 Author Report Share Posted January 18, 2023 Hey Jon, You're so right about the awesomeness being a lie. Years ago, I nicknamed Adderall "the complacency drug".... had no idea at the time how right I was. I've been able to be "interested in" or "passionate about" anything, so I've missed out on what I was truly meant for. Still have no idea tbh. Also, it makes things that suck seem like they don't suck.. In other words, not only have I missed out on my true calling, but my problems/inefficiencies/etc. that I should have gotten a handle on years ago (I'm 44!) have crept up and bitten me in the ass. And then some. It really "helped" me ignore the issues in my life that I should have been dealing with, and now here I am. I can't tell you how many hours in the last 10 years I've wasted on meaningless pursuits or "hobbies" rather than what was important. Things that Adderall told me I loved but have no natural, genuine interest in. At this point, I'm not even sure what I DO have natural interest in. Better figure it out quick since I have 2 kids to take care of and bills that are very, very overdue. Really wishing life had a "start over" button right about now. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 19, 2023 Report Share Posted January 19, 2023 On 1/18/2023 at 11:11 AM, Rob said: The one thing that's different this time, is I've decided I want nothing more to do with the shit. Whether or not I'll actually follow through remains to be seen. It sounds like you are in a good place to quit. My question is: how will this time be different when refill day comes around? Have you burned any bridges or taken any drastic action that will keep you from caving in and getting the next refill? Have you told anyone of your plans to finally quit for good? Do you have a plan? 22 hours ago, Rob said: Years ago, I nicknamed Adderall "the complacency drug" That's a good name for it. When you're high all of the time, things just don't seem to suck as bad. Until they do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rob Posted January 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2023 On 1/19/2023 at 11:50 AM, quit-once said: It sounds like you are in a good place to quit. My question is: how will this time be different when refill day comes around? Have you burned any bridges or taken any drastic action that will keep you from caving in and getting the next refill? Have you told anyone of your plans to finally quit for good? Do you have a plan? Already told 2 of the closest people to me, and they're all for it. My plan for refill day is to have already told my doc not to prescribe me any more. He's hard to get a hold of maybe I should just leave a voicemail stating it. And I've been into meditation for a couple of years now, and now I have a definite purpose so I know what to meditate on. The biggest step was admitting to myself (finally) that Adderall is what's holding me back in life. I've known it for a long time, I've just never looked the fact in the eye before now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted January 22, 2023 Report Share Posted January 22, 2023 On 1/20/2023 at 7:57 PM, Rob said: My plan for refill day is to have already told my doc not to prescribe me any more. He's hard to get a hold of maybe I should just leave a voicemail stating it Congrats, you are setting yourself up for a successful Quit. For some additional accountability, I suggest you come back here and tell us when you have finally cut out that critical link in your supply chain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted January 24, 2023 Report Share Posted January 24, 2023 Rob I remember feeling just as you do. Adderal tricks you into believing you need it to survive or your going to be miserable. The truth is you are going to be a worse version of yourself when you quit and it’s going to be uncomfortable… but then you are going to start feeling better, I promise! I’m on day 66 and I love not feeling like a slave to a pill every morning. The more you do tasks off adderal, even though it’s painful, the easier it gets until one day you don’t think about it. Still hard for me but gets better everyday. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Piano90 Posted April 1, 2023 Report Share Posted April 1, 2023 Hi I just joined the site I also believed that the drug helped me be a better person, better at my job, more intelligent etc. then realised what a load of bullsh*t it was and I was really just a tweaked out, panicky mess who couldn’t sleep at all. I think you have to let yourself be who you are naturally. I definitely think our patience and temperament will be better off this drug. Im on day one and already I haven’t had a panic attack for the first time in ages. Give yourself grace and don’t be hard on yourself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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