First time poster - My journey to recovery.

[jmsau3]

Hey all, 

This is my first entry on this site and I'm not sure what to expect, but I felt the time was right for me to share my story and experiences. I stopped taking all drugs on November 14th, 2022 when I self-admitted to a detox/rehab facility for two weeks. Since then, I'm attempting to persist with a path of abstinence from amphetamines but i'm having great difficulty in staying clean.

This is my first time in recovery after a period of daily substance use spanning around two years. I first started taking dextroamphetamine regularly when I moved into my first share house and was in the last year of my psychology master's degree. Previously I had occasionally taken it recreationally and was amazed at how significantly it eased my social anxiety and boosted my mood. I then experimented with taking amphetamines during the weekdays and was amazed at how much better it made me feel about myself when I was on my own. It felt like for the first time in my life, there was an absence of loud noise in my head and I could focus on and enjoy whatever I was doing. 

From this point, I gradually increased my intake of the substance, becoming a daily user within a couple of months. Although I have never been diagnosed with ADHD or any other medical condition warranting the use of amphetamines, I continued to acquire and use the tablets because they made me feel whole and happy. I never really questioned where this pathway of ever-increasing consumption would take me. I just wanted to continue feeling comfortable inside my own skin.

Without a prescription, I did not have consistent access to the drug and would buy whatever was available and most closely resembled dextroamphetamine. This led to the frequent use of other ADHD medications such as Ritalin and Concerta and also street drugs sold to me under the title of speed. I would happily put whatever stimulant substance I could get into my body in an attempt to just feel okay.

After one year of taking amphetamines as frequently as I could and many other substitute substances, I was mentally, physically and emotionally burnt out. At this point, I became a more frequent user of meth amphetamine as it was cheaper and readily available. I hated the way that this drug made me feel and would always attempt to acquire pharmaceutical stimulants before having to use meth. Despite my preferences, I would still much rather be on something opposed to nothing and continued to use meth. This led me into a deep spiral of psychosis-fueled drug seeking and taking where nothing was ever enough to make me feel alright.

Towards the end of 2022, I was in really bad shape. My life had become unrecognisable and I was unable to escape or hide the pain I was feeling from my addiction. I finally opened up to my dad about what was going on and he was very supportive. Not long later, I disclosed the nature of my addiction to my family, partner and close friends which was received with support and love but almost unbearably painful to do. Within a couple of months, I entered my first treatment centre for detox and rehab where I lasted two weeks. Since then I have been clean for 70 days.

Recovery has been the hardest thing I've done in my life but I may share on that in another post at the 90-day mark if I make it. For now, thank you for reading this and good luck to you in your own recovery journies. 

 

 

[HoldensRHM]

Thanks for sharing. I just joined today and have made the decision to quit for the third time. Last times I was successful because I’m a mother and pregnancy/breastfeeding gave me some kind of will power I’ve never been able to duplicate. The feelings I numb never left though and it’s time. Will be sharing my story soon too. Im grateful for this site and knowing other people understand how toxic this stuff is. Also have a masters degree and seemingly successful life but it’s a facade. Feeling like a shell of who everyone thinks I am. Good luck to you, friend 

[Piano90]

Hi I just joined the site. Thank you for telling your story. You are brave and will continue to be.  No amount of outside “success” is worth this poison. I too took it too further my business that I ran on my own and eventually just ended up burned out and having to quit.