Popular Post ALA Posted March 2, 2023 Popular Post Report Share Posted March 2, 2023 I'm 42 days free of Adderrall, and this is my first post. I can't write about the withdrawal process because it sucked and still sucks. I ebb and flow from feeling sorry for myself that I struggle to concentrate and initiate tasks and then feel empowered when I do complete a task, especially work-related tasks, to back zoning out waiting for the day to end. That was always my main reason for taking this devil drug: to be able to start and finish work-related or extra daunting tasks. Obviously, like we all know, that purpose quickly changed over the years because of the twisted hold that drug has on you. I'm doing okay at work right now, but I do spend majority of my day sidestepping tasks and daydreaming about the day being over (except weekends where I can shift from uncompleted task to the next with no repercussion). I remember feeling this out of sorts before I was prescribed stimulants as well. I wish there were a happy medium, a balance, when you took this drug but there is just not. I know I can't get back on it, but when will the glorified versions of the drug and yourself become less? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jon B Posted March 3, 2023 Popular Post Report Share Posted March 3, 2023 38 Days with no addy here! You basically described my life right now. Initiating task, figuring out what task needs to be done, daydreaming the day away, etc. I definitely have moments throughout the day when I'm feeling sorry for myself and hopeless. Mainly those feelings are in the morning particularly when i wake up. Its so hard to get out of bed and get ready for the day. Some days the "feeling sorry for myself/anxiousness" last longer than others. We are making some pretty great progress I'd say. there is no way I'm turning back now. I remind myself life is supposed to suck right now. I've got work to do to build a new, better life for myself and with time that will happen. I'd rather life suck for a little while being off addy than live a lifetime of misery with constant ups and downs. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post quit-once Posted March 6, 2023 Popular Post Report Share Posted March 6, 2023 On 3/2/2023 at 5:59 AM, ALA said: I'm 42 days free of Adderrall, On 3/3/2023 at 3:02 PM, Jon B said: 38 Days with no addy here! You are both doing great! Getting through your work days and moving forward. Do whatever it takes to get through the work day. Showing up is good enough, for now. The hardest part of my recovery was the first nine months. The first three months were especially hard. Recovery is not a linear process, so you can expect some bad days and some better days ahead. Post as much as you like on this forum. I met a friend here and we had several great discussions through these pages and it really seemed to help the recovery process along. Both of us are still adderall-free after 12 years. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALA Posted March 6, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 6, 2023 Thank you for replying @Jon B& @quit-once! On 3/3/2023 at 5:02 PM, Jon B said: I'd rather life suck for a little while being off addy than live a lifetime of misery with constant ups and downs. This statement right here is so powerful. I never want to go back to the constant ups and downs -- that is where I felt the most crazy! And that is where my family suffered the most, not knowing what mood I'd be in. At least now, by the end of the day, I feel accomplished and balanced. 10 hours ago, quit-once said: Post as much as you like on this forum. I met a friend here and we had several great discussions through these pages and it really seemed to help the recovery process along. Both of us are still adderall-free after 12 years. Wow, 12 years?!! So admirable and motivating. I appreciate you messaging about the recovery process, surviving the hard months, what to look forward to, and the reminder to keep posting. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALA Posted March 9, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2023 Just giving an update and need to vent. Met with my psychiatrist this week to check in with how I'm doing off meds. The conversation was only 5 minutes in which I tried my best to say that I was doing okay and managing life without them. She, however, kept pushing to make sure I didn't want to try alternative ADHD medications, which was frickin so hard to decline. Like, wtf, why do you have to make this harder than it already is? Do docs get extra pay or something for pushing these drugs on us? Anyway, I left the appointment feeling rightfully triggered, but I made it another day, and that's all that matters. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GettingOffOfIt Posted March 9, 2023 Report Share Posted March 9, 2023 I would recommend you go to a standard family physician instead of your psychiatrist to get help while off the meds. It would be worth a try 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted March 9, 2023 Report Share Posted March 9, 2023 I know they also have non stimulant medication for ADHD.. I never wanted to try it. But ya I would try your primary / family doctor. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepyStupid Posted March 15, 2023 Report Share Posted March 15, 2023 hi @ALA so glad to hear you're making strong progress! your approach at work sounds appropriate for where you are in your recovery - do the bare minimum and just make it through the day! be sure to focus on those feelings of empowerment after completing tasks - this is something that will become very important down the road when you feel like you've hit a ceiling. the trap that many people fall into is waiting around for a "feeling" of being recovered, when in reality that feeling is derived from overcoming challenges you didn't think you could take on without Adderall. On 3/9/2023 at 9:24 AM, ALA said: She, however, kept pushing to make sure I didn't want to try alternative ADHD medications, which was frickin so hard to decline. Like, wtf, why do you have to make this harder than it already is? Do docs get extra pay or something for pushing these drugs on us? the short answer is yes - the business model of psychiatry is more medication management than actual therapy. it is in their financial interest to keep patients on long term medication plans so they continue showing up. because there are no empirical tests for mental health conditions, and they don't exactly know how these drugs work, there is always another drug to try. to be fair though, I don't believe most doctors are necessarily putting money over your health, its just the way our health care system works. you need to take ownership of your own health journey and make educated decisions based on a number of inputs (certainly also including your doctor). that said, you may do better at this point with a behavioral or addiction therapist than a psychiatrist. gl and keep us posted on your progress (: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALA Posted March 21, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2023 61 days today. I appreciate everyone's responses to my rants and wonderings. I know this is a two person relationship here, with my psychiatrist and the addicted me. I can't fully blame her for pushing the meds, but it's unfortunate that the huge medical system that I belong to doesn't provide addiction support or even a referral to a licensed therapist that specializes in addiction. Sucks doing this journey alone. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted March 22, 2023 Report Share Posted March 22, 2023 You’re not alone! We are right here with you. Congrats on 61 days. Do you feel like it’s getting any easier for you? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALA Posted March 22, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2023 @Krae19 Thanks for your support! It's midweek in the evening, and typically at this point of the workweek, I can say yes, it's getting easier. My struggles are at the beginning of the workweek (Monday, you suck) and when I think about getting a new job or tackling a daunting task. What this shows me, though, is I'm becoming more aware of my triggers and instead of refilling my prescription, I'll text my husband that I'm having a trigger and after we talk through it the feeling typically passes. The other HUGE change that is making the process easier is how good my body feels (no more neck and overall body pain!). The body will always keep the score. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted March 24, 2023 Report Share Posted March 24, 2023 On 3/21/2023 at 8:41 AM, ALA said: 61 days today. I appreciate everyone's responses to my rants and wonderings. I know this is a two person relationship here, with my psychiatrist and the addicted me. I can't fully blame her for pushing the meds, but it's unfortunate that the huge medical system that I belong to doesn't provide addiction support or even a referral to a licensed therapist that specializes in addiction. Sucks doing this journey alone. Thats a huge accomplishment! Congrats on 61 Days. I'm on 58! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALA Posted March 29, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 29, 2023 It still boggles my mind how one day I can think so disgustingly about my relationship/experience with Adderrall and then the next day crave it. What a mind game here. I feel like I felt stronger the first few weeks after I stopped taking the damn drug compared to how I feel hitting just over 2 months. Any one else have this experience? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted March 29, 2023 Report Share Posted March 29, 2023 It will be a rollercoaster for awhile.. I don’t really ever crave it anymore and it’s been about 4.5 months. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GettingOffOfIt Posted March 30, 2023 Report Share Posted March 30, 2023 15 hours ago, ALA said: It still boggles my mind how one day I can think so disgustingly about my relationship/experience with Adderrall and then the next day crave it. What a mind game here. I feel like I felt stronger the first few weeks after I stopped taking the damn drug compared to how I feel hitting just over 2 months. Any one else have this experience? It’s normal. The cravings will improve. They usually come strong and then vanish after a few minutes. They may vary in frequency and intensity but they slowly fade away. It’s normal to feel stronger at first than where you are now because it was still in your blood stream for a few days and it took a while for your body to realize it wasn’t coming back. Now your body is re-calibrating itself to run on its own again. Let it run its course and look forward to the future. It is like letting the lawnmower run in spring to get rid of the bad gas from sitting up all winter. It should start noticeably getting better soon. It won’t be linear improvement where the next day will always be better but it will be more like ups and downs, like a roller coaster, some days will be worse than others but the bad days will fade away. I’m at almost 15 months and it I still get one bad day of energy now and then but it is very rare. I think that is normal for regular people too though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALA Posted March 30, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2023 Thanks for the responses. What really helps during those hard days is reading through the posts on this site. What a godsend ya'll are. Seriously, I feel so less alone and less crazy when I read through everyone's experience, finding so many relatable tendencies and struggles. I usually come across at least a dozen that talk about relapsing and how that in itself is way worse than the bad days off Adderrall. Well, I'll chalk up today as a day I am mortified and disgusted by this damn drug so I keep going. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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