75 Days and counting!

[eric]

Hey guys, realized the last time I posted was late November...I went 70 days and then decided it would be a good idea to take tramadol because I "hurt" my knee....Realistically an OTC pain reliever would and does the trick but my brain knew what it wanted. It wanted that altered state feeling.  I took it and what was supposed to be a "just today" thing turned into a month going thru that roller coaster thru the holidays and it was horrible. Obviously it was great for the first few days and then lots of anger and negative emotions that last week until that pathway in my brain was opened that said "f*** it, you already took this junk, why not take some adderall?".....

I then got my hands on 10x-30mg IR's and took those over 3 days and ended up trashing the last one. Of course the 3 day addy binge was great for the first 2 hours and then it went sideways and the regret and shame crept in, along with crippling anxiety and a ridiculously high heart rate.

 

THANKFULLY TODAY MARKS 75 DAYS since that little binge over the holidays.  I've been addicted to these damn things for almost 9 years and I'm over it.  My biggest problem is I've always had the commitment to quit the adderall and then I would be having a good day and decide to take tramadol which inevitably led me to taking adderall. 

So I've learned to stay away from both and not come up with excuses for tramadol. I learned that "RIDE THE WAVE" thing and I have to tell myself that the urge to take something will subside as long as I hold out, and it always does subside and I feel even stronger from it. 

75 days is the longest I've gone off of adderall and tramadol at the same time and I feel myself returning again. I have good days and bad days but a good diet is essential for getting thru, for me atleast. 

BEST OF LUCK! 

[quit-once]

14 hours ago, eric said:

I learned that "RIDE THE WAVE" thing and I have to tell myself that the urge to take something will subside as long as I hold out, and it always does subside and I feel even stronger from it. 

Delay and distraction are two essential tools for getting through the cravings when quitting any addiction.

Hey Eric-

You've been working on this for a long time,at least since 2016 when you joined this forum.  75 days is a great milestone. That's about ten weeks.  It took me that long after quitting to make my first post on this site.  My next big step was about ten months, then again about three years.  I've never understood the attraction to tramadol - I tried it and felt nothing, except feeling hot.  If it was a trigger for you to use adderall it needs to be left behind as well.  I agree with you that a good diet is key to successful long term quitting.  Another key is finding an interest or activity to replace the addiction with.  I took up yoga about a year after quitting and I'm still practicing yoga 12 years later. 

Does your quit feel different this time?

[ALA]

Yes, such a great milestone! I'm right behind you at 67 days. For me, it helps to read back to times I decided to use again to understand why and remember how I  quickly realized the mistake of it, whether that be shown through anxiety or the act of throwing the pills away or noticing other substances that instigate the addiction. Awareness is key, and I think you're doing a great job at that! Now, like quit-once mentioned, finding an interest or activity to replace the addiction with is essential. Do you find yourself cooking more since you've incorporated a healthier diet? 

I'm still trying to find my groove with cooking, but for now I started 20 minutes of HIIT in the morning, and I notice now if I miss a morning, that is when my cravings come back. I'm sore as all hell but would rather that then the cravings. Keep going!  

[eric]

@quit-once I remember the first time I realized that taking adderall wasn't sustainable, and that was like January 5th, 2015 (8 months after full time usage). So yeah I've struggled for quite awhile but I must say that my job (which I'm good at but hate) and financial responsibilities "reinforced" my want and need to keep taking the junk. My job though has gotten way less demanding and now that I'm knowledgeable it comes a lot easier.  I do plan on transitioning to another career but want to get a solid year of clean time under my belt to assess things.

Yes, tramadol is my trigger. I always preferred adderall over tramadol anyday of the week but honestly I think I take the tramadol because I know I will just say "screw it, I already messed up taking this so might as well take A".  It's a vicious cycle of QUIT adderall, have clean time and feel better, talk myself into just taking tramadol for a small high, then talk myself into taking adderall, quit the tramadol within a day of that, then go hard on A for 2 weeks and then back to quitting. Its been like that since 2017.

HOWEVER, my quit feels very different and real this time, I always remind myself of the inevitable cycle and to ride the wave. 

@ALA Congrats on 67 days! YES! I love cooking now!. I do alot of walking and I've started exploring bike trails around my area and its been a new passion it seems...atleast until its 110+ degrees outside lol.  

Thanks to yall for replying!!!

Best of luck! Day 76 almost in the books.

[quit-once]

Nutrition and activity are two key elements of a successful Quit.  Cooking my own meals again was one of the first things I noticed and embraced after quitting.  My diet had degraded to fast food, frozen food and junk food for about a year before I quit.  It took me longer to become more active again, like about nine months before I got off the couch and started walking the dog again.  Then I took up yoga practice and a year later I began HIIT.   Taking up a regular routine of HIIT (high intensity interval training) after only 67 days off adderall is admirable, @ALA.  HIIT is my primary go-to exercise even now, and along with yoga, I try to do one of those activities every day. 

I am currently about three months into quitting alcohol, and while alcohol was more of a dumb daily habit rather that a hardcore addiction for me, I am employing some of the same tactics that helped me quit adderall, like exercise, nutrition and distraction.  

[ALA]

@quit-once - thank you! Before Adderrall I was super active, played soccer in college and ran a marathon. Once I was deep in my addiction, I didn't even want to think about being active. I'm really proud of myself for getting back to that healthy part of me. I think that's key: finding the activities and hobbies that used to bring you joy before the drug came into your life. 

And that's awesome that you've eliminated alcohol as well. I've noticed once you eliminate one unhealthy habit, there tends to be a domino effect of replacing other vices. I used to be a craft beer drinker, like everyday at least 2-3 beers. But this drug, just like Adderrall, started making me super anxious, which I now see as my body telling me to stop. I'll still have a beer every now and then, but I'm honestly thinking about not anymore... I like having complete control of my body and mind now. 

[eric]

Day 79 today.

So healthy diet routines definitely make for a smoother recovery.  For example, Monday I ate good, drank water and unsweet tea and had probably one of the most amazing days I've had in the last 6 months.  HOWEVER, the last 2 days I had sodas and junk food and my mood has been horrible.  I'm still getting stuff done but geeze...also its been really dark and dreary so that probably doesn't help either.  Just kind of in a lull I guess you could say. 

I still have no desire to take a pill AT ALL so thats terrific in my books. Soooo I'm planning out healthy meals and talked to the wifey about what we need to do. Progress is being made in the right direction.  Although I feel like crap today, its no where near as bad as my days on adderall could be. lol

That's a little motivation for anybody who reads this post that's in active addiction and is discouraged saying to themselves "see! why quit if I'm still gonna feel like crap".. Believe me, a clean "bad" day is better than most of my "good" days were on adderall.