Had to hurt myself a little more..

[NoOne]

Hi everyone,

I've been here before, I made a post about a year ago with an account I have forgotten about. I was resolving to quit Adderall, I listed all the good reasons why, and yet I failed. My prescriptions are starting to run out sooner and sooner, I can actually feel myself becoming addicted. I finished my latest bottle yesterday less than two weeks after picking it up, I swear to god I'm fucking done. I'm still a total loser, only now in addition to no girlfriend or friends, I look and feel like a drug addict. I've become that bad sort of skinny, my teeth are jagged, and I have zero energy now even when i'm on Adderall. The sad part is I'm very good looking, to the point where, even in this run down condition, I still have girls at school trying to approach and flirt with me. But I'm a shy guy, I end up never making a move and she assumes I'm rejecting her. Its getting harder and harder to not think there is just something inherently wrong with me. Its a horrible thought that, combined with years of loneliness, just makes living too hard to bear. Abusing Adderall is my only escape it seems.

My original title was going to be 'bracing for the storm' because I already have some sort of depression naturally, abusing Adderall was my stupid way of coping.. Yet, Adderall has a way of building it all up, last time I ran out, I became so depressed that for a little while, I couldn't even tell if I was real or not. I abused the rest of my pills this morning and I can already feel it creeping in. But fuck it, its do or die time for me. I can't go on like this, I just have to power through it and hope a better me comes out the other side.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Hi, welcome to the forum. I'm not going to call you NoOne because that's a shitty name (sorry) and you should change it right away. Change it to something positive, because that's what you've just begun - a positive journey. You may be at rock bottom now but guess what, that's the best place to start from. The only way is up!

I really hope you can be gentle with yourself for a little while. You sound like you don't like yourself very much right now, which is how we all eventually feel when adderall addiction and dependence has taken over our lives. But remember, it's not you, that's your very depressed brain talking to you. I know it's hard to distinguish - I suffer depression naturally too, which is perhaps another reason why adderall is such a wonder drug for us; it makes us feel the "alive" we think others always feel. But as you know, that's a false economy and in the end we depressives just feel even shittier. You are normal, but you are depressed.

Having been where you are, if I can recommend one thing (apart from cutting off your supply so you avoid relapse), it's that you should be seeing a therapist at least twice a week for the first few weeks. You didn't say how much you've quit from, but the worst is yet to come (sorry to say it, but just being honest), and you need to be surrounded by voices of reason and supportive people. Depression at its worst is completely debilitating and I'm genuinely worried for you.

Do you have anyone in your life around you that you can confide in, who will love and support you unconditionally? Sounds like you need a big hug from a real person right now.

[FALCON]

NoOne

WE are here for you my brother I will pass some positive energy to you yous it for the will power you will need for the next two weeks please try to make this one count don’t refill your proscription.

FALCON