jay414 Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 Hey guys my name is jared. I'm 22 and was prescribed adderall about 2 years ago. Long story short, I started cycle of doing most of my script in about a week and then telling myself I'm done for About a month or two and then one stupid day I lose sight and think hey let's go get a script it's no big deal. Well here I am today didn't sleep all night and script is empty. I hope joining this site will remind me of how I feel today when that urge strikes again 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 I would go into more detail about myself but honestly feel like shit at the moment. So I'll have more to say after I lay in bed intill I have work, without any sleep... I don't know how I end up getting a script again when for months I remember how much this sucks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 We all tend to forget the reasons why we quit. I was in the same cycle as you. I would be okay after being without the pills for a couple weeks, but when i had the chance to refill i always did it. Just because i could. You have to cut off your supply to the pills, so then you have no choice but to continue forward Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted February 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 Is there a way to let your doctor know you want to cut yourself off? I literally talked to my doc once and he gave me a script and never seen him again he's not a very caring doctor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted February 14, 2013 Report Share Posted February 14, 2013 If you tell your doctor you're abusing, most will stop prescribing. It's extreme negligence if they don't, but it's happened to people on here. I think it should do the trick. Go for it while you're ready to quit and before cravings start pulling you back. It will be well worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted February 15, 2013 Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 Hey Jared! Don't be so hard on yourself. If it were easy we wouldn't be here! It took me a long time before I was finally ready to call the doctor's office and tell them to not EVER give me adderall again. After I finally did it though...WOW. It felt great to have slammed the door shut and not look back. Anyhow, glad you posted and can't wait to hear your story! Hope you get some rest soon. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldmcniel Posted February 15, 2013 Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 Is there a way to let your doctor know you want to cut yourself off? I literally talked to my doc once and he gave me a script and never seen him again he's not a very caring doctor . I work for my doctors. I can't get them to see how this medication can and is ruining lives. I have informed my fellow coworkers that I have quit and their response is " you have severe ADHD. You need this medicine." My response to then is would you rather me hyper and able to do my job effectively or be a zombie and then turn into a raging bitch! They just shut up and not another word is said. I still can't understand why doctors can't see that this is an addiction and a very powerful one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted February 15, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2013 Thanks guys! It feels so different\better knowing at least someone is out there who cares about how I feel through this. Its uusually such a lonely time for me. Well I decided now is the perfect time for this because I'm not going to school for a semester since my dad just passed away and me and mom had to move into an apartment. I'm going to use this time of change in my life to help reset my mind. Shortly I'm heading out to GNC and grabbing some Rhodiola rosea and DMAE. I have a huge interest in supplements and usually spend hours or days researching them when I stumbled upon one of interest. Yesterday I grabbed some garlic and liquid B Vitamin complex. So my plan is a multi vitamin, magnesium, zinc, garlic, b vitamins, Omega 3, DMAE and Rhodiola everyday. Its my amphetamine recovery plan 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted February 16, 2013 Report Share Posted February 16, 2013 Jared, so sorry to hear about your father. Prayers for you and your mom. I think your plan sounds awesome. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you right now, but getting through this adderall free is really going to help you in my opinion in that you will be able to start the healing process emotionally and not use an artificial drug to distract you from the pain. Thank you for your honesty and reaching out to all of us. Looking forward to hearing your story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 16, 2013 Report Share Posted February 16, 2013 Hi Jared, I have some feedback and insight for you. Good for you realizing you need to quit. Using adderall like you were for the long term is not sustainable, and at 22 years old, you might just save yourself a lot of agony later in life if you learn a valuable life lesson on addiction at your young age. Your timing for quitting is ideal for long term success. Not going to school, and if that is what you used it for then you have this time to adjust to not being on it while you recover. Moving into a new place is good too because of the different surroundings and different people around you where you live. And finally, doing it after your dad has passed on takes advantage of one of the biggest defining moments in your life. Everything changes when a parent dies. I used adderall to help care for my elderly mother and also to treat the depression associated with seeing a loved one decline in health. But after my mom died I really didn't have a reason to take it any more so I began to plan my quit. It took me about nine months after she died before things were right in my life in order to successfully quit. I planned to quit right and quit once. I just kept reading too many stories about people and their relapses. So I decided that if I could not quit once on my own then I would have to go into a treatment program. As bad as I hated my adderall adiction, I thought treatment would be even worse so I wanted to avoid it at all costs. Regarding your supplement list, I did not see L-Tyrosine on it. For me, L-Tyrosine was the key supplement to managing the depression. Everybody gets depressed during their recovery period. With all the stuff on your plate, I am sure you too will get depressed. I found myself experiencing a lot of repressed grief and sadness in the weeks after I quit. Adderall was great for creating emotional numbness when it was needed, but those emotions have to come out and get dealt with after adderall. I think your plan for quitting is rock-solid and I am sure you will succeed. But you gotta cut off that supply chain. I suggest calling the doctor and either telling them you had an adverse reaction to the adderall or that you were abusing it. Tell them anything that will prevent another automatic prescription from tempting you with more adderall. Tell yourself you are completely done with that awful addiction. Relapse is not an option because once you have crossed the line from using to abusing you can never go back without the addiction returning as well. Good Luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 16, 2013 Report Share Posted February 16, 2013 Hi jared, joining this site is a great idea to remind you of how you feel when you want to get that script filled again. I know you're going through a really rough time but you're making it worse for yourself by adding the depression of adderall withdrawal every month; it's no wonder you want to feel good again and when you binge on adderall you feel good again for about 3 or 4 hours for a few days, then followed by the rest of the month feeling like shit. So you can actually use this forum the way you intended, why don't you write down how you feel when you're on the comedown, or going through withdrawal? You've used lots of words like "sucks" and "shitty", but when you're craving adderall you will need some really specific reminders of how nasty it is to be on the shit. And also why you are quitting for good. Can you describe for us those feelings and reasons? You'll be grateful you did, trust me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted February 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2013 The number one thing I want to remember is how horrible it feels to be this tired when the rest of the world and your friends are feeling great. Note to self JARED!! You will be tired for a longggg time while everyone else is enjoying life. The energy used on adderall is life energy you will be missing dearly don't waste it anymore its the most precious thing you have 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 This is not ok. I seriously am terrified of this drug. I relapsed again and got a script a week ago. I'm so afraid of how it makes me slowly change my mind. This keeps happening I can't take it anymore Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'm on the verge of a panick attack I can barely breath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 I know I can stop I have for months before but somehow my thinking slowly changes. This is whats seriously scaring me I don't trust myself i lose sight because my thinking gets worse from the abuse I did too it. This relapse I remember barely being able to sleep just thinking about waking up and getting the script It took over all logic I knew there was no stopping. Its really scaring me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 I'm so afraid of ruining my life. The first few times I quit I was excited and confident. This time has to be different I can't go through this again. I dont know what to do I want to trust myself so bad but i can't believe how quickly I lost control Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 Please someone tell me how you stopped a relapse I'm so scared and so sad that I have to start over tomorrow and once this dose wears off I hope I don't lose sight of how important this is to me I CAN NOT afford this my life will be ruined. Note to self "you have a niece now who loves you. Don't keep killing yourself and your personality she needs to grow up with the real you the loving you". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 Adderall destroys your love and that's all that matters in this life. I need to remember this. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 This IS the LAST time I will relapse I'm hanging up a picture of my niece and its going to remind me that life is more important. Someone please help I really need something to help me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jay414 Posted April 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 5, 2013 The picture is above my head on the wall behind my bed. Everyday I see this picture I will remember why I put it there Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyle_Chaos Posted April 6, 2013 Report Share Posted April 6, 2013 I'm right there with you, I've relapsed at a ton of times.. each time is less and less enjoyable. I can still tell that in spite of the relapses, I use a lot less than I used to..and I'm still recovering and getting better socially and at life without Adderall on a daily basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 Hey there, addiction is like a condition where we want to continue to use even when we dont want to use. when you quit you will get the mental urge to take adderall again so its so important to work on your motivation to stay clean. Sometimes the urges will be worse than other times. Writing a list of the negative consequences the drug has done to you and rereading it when you get mental urges is a good idea. Read books about what youve chemically done to your brain. The information is really appalling. Youve messed up your dopamine receptors. knowing that stuff will also deter you. The better you get at resisting urges the easier it will be to stay clean. Time also heals. When i get desire now, its not even a question that i would consider. It sucks that im having an urge but hell no, will I even consider touching that stuff...that is the point i suggest getting to. Where you may have strong desire but there's no chance in hell you would even consider taking those pills. Also, understanding how its psychologically impacted you, how it has robbed you of confidence. there was a time when you could deal with life without it. but slowly you have psychologically gotten used to taking it to deal with life. there is no question that adderall addiction is a tough battle, but you will find a lot of people on this site have been through what you have been through and gotten through it and have strong resolve. You can do it as well. But if you dont stop, the negative things it does to you get worse and worse. Quitting is tough but it is doable. read all the stuff on this site. you will find tons of information very specific to addiction to adderall which is a great resource. hang in there. have you severed ties with your doc yet? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 I've learned that the most tempting times for me to relapse are when I'm in situations where I feel unconfident or anxious. Knowing what is my trigger, and being able to anticipate it has been a real key for me in fighting the cravings. Have you figured out for you at what times you're most likely to take adderall, Jay414? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 7, 2013 Report Share Posted April 7, 2013 I've learned that the most tempting times for me to relapse are when I'm in situations where I feel unconfident or anxious. Knowing what is my trigger, and being able to anticipate it has been a real key for me in fighting the cravings. Have you figured out for you at what times you're most likely to take adderall, Jay414? those are also my biggest challenges. I break into PAWS when feeling unconfident or anxious. (because those are the times i used to take adderall) Following feelings of unconfidence and anxiety are tiredness and...there are more, i just cant think of anymore right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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