What's Your Trigger?

[quit-once]

I just recently became aware of the concept of "triggers". Although I have always been aware of events or other things that remind me of using adderall, I still struggle to define what a "trigger" actually is.

One of my triggers is seeing the pills, or images of them. I have always known this because I became mesmorized by full pill bottles when I was using. I told all my adderall friends that I didn't mind them being high around me after I quit, but I did not EVER want to see a fucking pill. Of course I was taunted later on by a friend who put a couple of orange pills on the tip of his tongue and displayed them. I actually laughed at that because I wasn't tempted at the time. But I recently discovered that even a photograph of a single pill caused me discomfort. I had to go do something distracting right away in order to change the channel of thoughts about adderall pills and what they used to mean to me.

Another trigger for me are relapse dreams. I have woken up in full panic mode hyperventilating from those disturbing dreams. It only takes one vivid, disturbing dream to ruin my day. Those kind of dreams will often repeat themselves through the night or come back in a different setting later on. It has been several month since I had a reallly disturbing relapse/using dream.

At this stage of my recovery, 20 months along, these triggers do not create the urge to use adderall, they simply create a hard-to-describe uncomfortable feeling and emotion. My adderall addiction ran its full course to where the drug was working against me for EVERYTHING that I originally took it for. I convinced myself I did indeed have ADD in order to justify using, and then I experienced real ADD as a result of taking too much adderall. My list is long for the things that adderall helped me with, but there is not one single thing I would go back to it for. Any time I encounter something that I used my adderall crutch for, I simply remind myself "oh yea, it quit working for that, too".

[Searchingsoul9]

I share one of the same triggers as you. Seeing the pill. When i see it, i get this flsshback to all the 'good times' on adderall. Well, what i considered to be good times.

Another is when i see a friend or co worker tweaked out on coke. It makes me jealous. Even though they are acting like complete fools, have blood shoot eyes, and can't sit still. I get insanely jealous.

I am sure i will discover more triggers on my road to recovery, but that's all i can think of at the moment.

[ashley6]

I just faced a trigger. My friend's significant other was my biggest source for adderall. I was just leaving a restaurant and ran into them. I did countless drug deals out of that car with her...ewww trigger. I'm taking my mind elsewhere NOW.

[ashley6]

And I come home and wreck my car into the garage....I guess that will change my thoughts...craaaap.

[Greg]

And I come home and wreck my car into the garage....I guess that will change my thoughts...craaaap.

aghh.nooo! i have done that a lot. knocking off the sideview mirror.

QO - I went through this phase where i was trying to "desensitize" myself to adderall. So I would go on and on staring at pictures of adderall and adderall XR...so that each time i looked at it, i would have less urges. i am not sure how it worked actually. I just know my PAWS got worse so I stopped doing it.

[quit-once]

And I come home and wreck my car into the garage....I guess that will change my thoughts...craaaap.

Was it as bad as that old farmers insurance commercial "my car's up a pole again"?

Were you on your cell phone when this happened?

talk about a good distraction from your recent trigger.... that's too bad, Ashley.

[LILTEX41]

Ashey, I'm sorry to hear that! Are you okay???

[quit-once]

QO - I went through this phase where i was trying to "desensitize" myself to adderall. So I would go on and on staring at pictures of adderall and adderall XR...so that each time i looked at it, i would have less urges. i am not sure how it worked actually. I just know my PAWS got worse so I stopped doing it.

How did you learn about desensitization? After reading that wiki link, it sounds like a good idea. But in reality, I think staring at photos of pills would be torturous. I can only immagine how fast it would bring on your paws. That would be like hanging out at a pharmacy watching people like us pick up their adderall prescriptions. That is another one of my triggers...the pharmacy window. Never been near one since I quit.

[Greg]

How did you learn about desensitization? After reading that wiki link, it sounds like a good idea. But in reality, I think staring at photos of pills would be torturous. I can only immagine how fast it would bring on your paws. That would be like hanging out at a pharmacy watching people like us pick up their adderall prescriptions. That is another one of my triggers...the pharmacy window. Never been near one since I quit.

I was reading about pavlov dogs and how they would drool every time the bell rang...Sensitization..That got me thinking of adderall addiction, lol. Then I read about desensitization and I was wondering if that could be applied to adderall addiction took read somewhere they were doing some kind of desensitization with heroin addicts, exposing them to needles and stuff that triggered them.

. Maybe it worked because I can look at the stuff and it doesn't really bother me much. At least Not like before. For example, that post with lil texs link to the article with the photo of adderall didn't bother me at all,.

[ashley6]

Yes, I'm all good....my car not so much Thanks for asking.

[Tomasso]

Playing soccer... as a former doper I've grown so used to playing on Adderall that it feels awkward without it... like mentally I just can't get into the game.

[Kelly23]

Anything can be a trigger for me, really depends on the mindset I'm in I guess.

I was a couple days clean and then my friend texted me about adderall today and I had to take more.

hearing someone talking about taking it or having it can trigger me. Just makes me think about how I'd feel if I had it...and then I have to take some /:

But I'm stronger some days than others.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

This is a really important thread, and I think you learn to identify triggers the further away you are from the drug. I guess definitionally triggers are thoughts, events or actions that make us want to take adderall? If that's the case, then everything from standing on the scale to being in the gym to having to do a big chore that I don't want to to going to a party to (as you all know) scary interviews and big work tasks can all be triggers for me.

Time will be the ultimate healer here I guess! It's like a shooting gallery up in here with all these triggers

[BeHereNow]

No surprise here but I've gotta agree with you, Quit-Once, about the visual images.....sometimes I dream about them too.... What is it about visual images? Why do THEY, of all things, represent all the fake positives of adderall to our trigger-prone minds?

That's my biggest, most visceral trigger. But the other, deeper triggers include:

-Waking up REALLY tired with a crapload of work to do

-Too many emotions (makes me wanna numb my soul) ((UGHHHHH, EMOTIONS))

-All those crappy PAWS related fraud/failure feelings, combined with the desire to be successful at work and life

-Being too hard on myself (like Mike's article about the 7 traits of adderall abusers-- the woman sitting at her desk saying "what's wrong with me, why can't I wrote this astrophysics dissertation? Im so stupid." Yeah, those moments.)

I guess I'll keep discovering them. It's a channel, like you said. Only, it's also kind of like advertising, in that it just keeps imposing itself on our head-spaces, here and there, tempting us.