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Today is the day


Articulus

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I'm ending this today. 
Today is the right day to quit.
It's been five years of abuse
1,694 pills in total.
Seven attempts to quit.
The six-month anniversary of being confronted about the problem.
Forty days and forty nights before my 42nd birthday.
The 78th anniversary of V-E Day. 
This is my V-A Day.

What will make this eighth attempt the final attempt?

I'm going to trust in a higher power than my own willpower.
I'm going to post to this forum to keep myself accountable.
I'm going to enjoy the sluggishness, the sleepiness, the melancholy, and even the anxiety.
The feelings that mean that I am healing.
I am in recovery. I am recovering the man that I am capable of being and that I was meant to be.
I'm going to treat my mind-body as something worth taking care of, worth being nice to, and worth loving.

Today is the day.

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@Articuluspraying success for you today. I could enjoy the laziness the sleepiness etc if I didn't always have somebody depending on me. I have grandkids to babysit disabled son to care for.

I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself today I think I just want to stay in bed there's nobody here for the moment and I just want to feel better I don't want to stay in bed but I don't want to do anything does that sound familiar? I feel crazy.

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Today was a strenuous and not-at-all-fun workday but I did the whole thing sober. What's hitting me harder than the melancholy and the anxiety is the self-hatred, but that's certainly not something that's going to get any better by continuing to tweak on pills every day. Three days done.

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  • 1 month later...
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  • 7 months later...

Unfortunately, I relapsed a week after my last post in August, and then owing to a personal tragedy, stayed in relapsed until December. From December to February I had two full months clean before relapsing again. 
Is there a lesson to be learned? Relapse can happen for the smallest, stupidest reason, but it doesn't make it any less of a relapse. 

I'm quitting today. For good. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/2/2024 at 10:32 PM, Articulus said:

Unfortunately, I relapsed a week after my last post in August, and then owing to a personal tragedy, stayed in relapsed until December. From December to February I had two full months clean before relapsing again. 
Is there a lesson to be learned? Relapse can happen for the smallest, stupidest reason, but it doesn't make it any less of a relapse. 

I'm quitting today. For good. 

There is no harm in giving it a few practice runs before you are successful.  It took me several tries.  I would make it a few days, a week, and got all the way up to 18 days once before I decided to taper off and stay off for good.   

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