FisherKing Posted September 1, 2023 Report Share Posted September 1, 2023 I have been sober for 7 months exactly, and I still look and feel bad. I was stupid and quit my job while I was still on the drug. I had a grandiose idea of myself. I thought I'd get back to work in a new job in no time. Two months after quitting work, I stopped taking the drug and was so sick with withdrawals for months that I couldn't even think about looking for a new job. I could only focused on getting better. Here I am, 7 months sober, 10 months unemployed, on the brink of homelessness, and I can't find another job. I've looked and looked and looked. I know the reason I can't land a job right now is because of the anhedonia and my appearance. I'm well educated, and I've been in my industry of over 20 years, but Adderall made me look like a meth addict. I'm still waiting for the black circles under my eyes to disappear. The sad part is, I can hardly think while I'm in job interviews to answer questions or convey the old fun loving guy I used to be. Every time I get passed over for a position, I go deeper into my dark place where there is no hope to be found and no light at the end of the tunnel. I don't know what to do. Please, someone, convince me this will get better. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 1, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 1, 2023 @tjzen my anxiety is through the roof. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 2, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2023 1 hour ago, tjzen said: You can make it through this period of anxiety and depression. If I could do it you can. Have you been exercising? I find that every time I start getting overwhelmed if I go on a bike ride, for a walk or to the gym I feel calmer after. How long did you take adderall? Thank you. I hope you're right. I workout hard everyday and walk about 2.5 to 4 miles a day to help get a handle on my anxiety. I was on 60 to 90 mg for about 11 years. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewK15 Posted September 3, 2023 Report Share Posted September 3, 2023 @FisherKing it’ll get better if you stay the course and keep moving forward. This season will be one of the hardest you ever go through, but it’ll change you for the better if you let it. 7 months is a hard time in the journey. You’re far enough along to be out of the worst of it, but now it’s time to start picking up the pieces and start over. You need to do something to start feeling better, that’s not something that just happens if you’re sitting around not taking care of yourself. So set some small achievable goals for yourself. Even just showering and cleaning yourself up. This isn’t a great forum for financial advice; there are too many variables to consider without a proper conversation. I wish you the best of luck with your job search and finances. I’ve been where you are. I was unemployed for 2 years after I quit and filed for bankruptcy. Things started to change when I started doing the small things like eating well, exercising, etc.. there’s no magic formula for doing this without hard work. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 6, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2023 On 9/3/2023 at 7:57 AM, DrewK15 said: @FisherKing it’ll get better if you stay the course and keep moving forward. This season will be one of the hardest you ever go through, but it’ll change you for the better if you let it. 7 months is a hard time in the journey. You’re far enough along to be out of the worst of it, but now it’s time to start picking up the pieces and start over. You need to do something to start feeling better, that’s not something that just happens if you’re sitting around not taking care of yourself. So set some small achievable goals for yourself. Even just showering and cleaning yourself up. This isn’t a great forum for financial advice; there are too many variables to consider without a proper conversation. I wish you the best of luck with your job search and finances. I’ve been where you are. I was unemployed for 2 years after I quit and filed for bankruptcy. Things started to change when I started doing the small things like eating well, exercising, etc.. there’s no magic formula for doing this without hard work. I hope it does get better because right now it feels like the end of the world. I have thoughts of suicide everyday. I feel so hopeless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 6, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2023 @tjzen Do withdrawals cause these thoughts even after 7 months? I know I'm not completely healed because I have a lot of issues that haven't been fixed like absolutely no libido, can't sleep, and my appearance is atrocious. I have sunken eyes, black circles, and brain fog to go along with the overwhelming anxiety. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted September 8, 2023 Report Share Posted September 8, 2023 I started feeling better with more sustained energy around nine months post-quit. Hang in there. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GettingOffOfIt Posted September 8, 2023 Report Share Posted September 8, 2023 I hate you are experiencing all of this. Sounds like you may need to see a real doctor (not a physiatrist) for all those symptoms. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 9, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2023 I'm doing much better today. I actually started feeling better last night and fell asleep at 8 pm and woke up the next morning at 6 am. That's the most sleep I've gotten since I quit 7.25 months ago. I usually don't get more than 4 hours of sleep. I also don't have that fear of going places today either. I got out and got some things taken care of that I've let linger for too long. I feel like my old self for the first time in a long time. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 10, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 10, 2023 Roller coaster of emotions. I was fine yesterday and the evening before, but today I'm full of anxiety and actually crying. Will this ever end? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted September 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted September 23, 2023 It's like the 7 months of recovery is the golden ticket. @DrewK15 was right about it being time to start picking up the pieces and starting over. After a couple of months seeking work but not being able to function well enough to interview, the job offers started rolling in because my senses started coming back. I could finally answer questions and interact in the interviews. It was wild watching myself recover my senses. Now, I have a chance to climb out of this valley. My recovery is pretty much tracking along with what others have experienced. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrewK15 Posted September 23, 2023 Report Share Posted September 23, 2023 Heck yes @FisherKing! Keep up the good work, one foot in front of the other. Glad to see you back on here checking in with your progress. There will be hard days ahead because, newsflash, life is hard, but it is so worth it in the end to get off these drugs. Happy for you. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted October 2, 2023 Author Report Share Posted October 2, 2023 Today marks my 8th month clean and tomorrow morning I'm going back to work for the first time in those 8 months. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, but I'm so glad to be getting back on my feet. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted October 5, 2023 Report Share Posted October 5, 2023 On 10/2/2023 at 12:03 AM, FisherKing said: Today marks my 8th month clean and tomorrow morning I'm going back to work for the first time in those 8 months. I'm nervous and excited at the same time, but I'm so glad to be getting back on my feet. How's the new job going? Pretty awesome accomplishment! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted October 5, 2023 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2023 @Jon B It's tough. I thought I'd be able to jump back in like I did when I was tweaking. I'm having a really hard time sitting there all day and concentrating on tasks, especially with all the anxiety of starting a new job and hoping I'm doing all the right things to impress my employer. I have this huge fear looming over me that I'll lose my job before I even get good and started. I hope I can conquer that fear because it's probably irrational and could turn into self-fulfilling prophecy if I'm not careful. Also, I get very anxious when things get quiet and I'm not busy. Hopefully I'll get better at this in the coming weeks. I have been out of work for a while and it's going to take a minute to get back into the groove. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted October 5, 2023 Report Share Posted October 5, 2023 @FisherKing Man you will be fine! You got this. "Irrational fears" resonates with me big time. I come up with the worst possible scenario for everything that never seems to happen. - I worry about self-fulfilling prophecys - I feel like I knew I would end up in this situation sooner or later when I started taking adderall in college. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GettingOffOfIt Posted October 6, 2023 Report Share Posted October 6, 2023 22 hours ago, FisherKing said: @Jon B It's tough. I thought I'd be able to jump back in like I did when I was tweaking. I'm having a really hard time sitting there all day and concentrating on tasks, especially with all the anxiety of starting a new job and hoping I'm doing all the right things to impress my employer. I have this huge fear looming over me that I'll lose my job before I even get good and started. I hope I can conquer that fear because it's probably irrational and could turn into self-fulfilling prophecy if I'm not careful. Also, I get very anxious when things get quiet and I'm not busy. Hopefully I'll get better at this in the coming weeks. I have been out of work for a while and it's going to take a minute to get back into the groove. Get you some l-tyrosine to help your focus for a little while. I also go to 5 hour energy when I need a little extra. Also try breathing exercises they help keep your anxiety away. I have to write down each step of what I’m working on to help me focus and get in the groove when I don’t want to. Maybe some of this can help you like it did me if you are interested in trying. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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