Jon B Posted October 4, 2023 Report Share Posted October 4, 2023 Lately I've been wondering if I made the right choice coming off. I feel like I'm letting so many people down and people are seeing me at my worst. I'm almost at 9 months. So many areas of my life feel so out of whack. I'm doing terrible at work. I wasn't doing the best before coming off either, but I know where I went wrong. When I'm sitting down in front of the screen all day, I feel so low. I can't seem to gain any drive to do the things I know I need to do. I understand motivation follows action, but its like I am in a constant state of fear and anxiety that won't go away. I want to wake up one day, not dreading the day ahead. I can't remember the last time I woke up feeling like life was good. I know this is my own fault, and I want to clean it up. I just don't know where to start cleaning up my life. The anxiety/depression is paralyzing. I feel so alone and misunderstood. I'm so tired of the internal mental battles that I face everyday. Its like I have one voice that is positive but is overrun by negative thoughts of regret, shame, confusion, fear and doubt constantly. its exhausting. I can't seem to make decisions about anything at all. The only times I feel decent is when I am exercising. When will this end? I've become such a negative person. I'm not mean to people, but I don't have positive energy and vibes to give people anymore. My energy is negative. My thoughts easily sway toward negative thoughts about everything and everyone. Its draining. People have been patient with me. I don't talk about what I'm dealing with to anyone really, besides my therapist. even she doesnt really understand. Its like they google "getting off addy experience" = "oh 30-60 days and you will be fine." Am I crazy? Is this really something I should already be over by now? I want to feel human again....I want to feel useful again.. I want to feel like me again. I want to discover my path and purpose. I want to break free of the mental chains that are holding me down. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted October 4, 2023 Report Share Posted October 4, 2023 I started taking Buspar for my anxiety. It didn't work so well at first, but once we kept tapering up the dose to one that worked, I was able to function again without the paralyzing anxiety. I still have anxiety when I wake up, but once I take Buspar, it's gone within 15 minutes. I highly recommend it since it's not a narcotic and isn't habit forming. Other things that have helped me are walking at least a mile everyday, weight lifting 5 days a week, and going to Narcotics Anonymous and building up a support system of other recovering addicts who can relate to me and my problem and support me through my recovery. I'm at 8 months now, and I feel exactly like you. It will eventually end, but I can't tell you when. Everybody is different. A doctor might be able to help you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted October 4, 2023 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2023 6 hours ago, FisherKing said: Thanks FisherKing. I've never heard of Buspar. My doctor prescribed me Lexapro SSRI months ago. I havent really taken it though. I know it will make me feel better and take away the anxiety and ease up the depression, but I also know the high probability of weight gain. Plus I've been trying really hard not to get dependent on another mind altering substance. I see Buspar is different though so may need to check it out. The only thing that has helped has been exercise and decent diet. I run a good bit and have been starting to incorporate more weights. We don't have NA where I am, but we do have AA. I may need to check it out. I know I need people who can relate to my experiences in some way. Its hard trying to open up/explain how I'm feeling to people who have no idea what this is like. it makes me feel as though the way I'm feeling isn't valid (if that makes sense) - I get this vibe of "get over it" and "suck it up" haha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted October 4, 2023 Report Share Posted October 4, 2023 @Jon B AA will work. It's the same 12 step, I believe. As soon as you leave your first meeting, you'll have a bunch of phone numbers of people waiting to help support you because they've already been there and know what it's like. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon B Posted October 5, 2023 Author Report Share Posted October 5, 2023 9 minutes ago, FisherKing said: @Jon B AA will work. It's the same 12 step, I believe. As soon as you leave your first meeting, you'll have a bunch of phone numbers of people waiting to help support you because they've already been there and know what it's like. I'm gonna have to check it out. Its good to have people like you and others on this site who know what its like to go through this. Not sure what I thought exactly I would feel being this far in the process of getting off. I know there are some aspects of life better now than they were earlier on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FisherKing Posted October 5, 2023 Report Share Posted October 5, 2023 Some people prefer AA because they don't get into discussions about drugs. It can be triggering, especially hearing all of their stories. With AA, you've got one drug, and it's not the one you have a problem with. So, there's no real trigger for you, but the recovery is the same. I don't think you could lose by trying it out because a support system is what we need most of all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SurvivingAdderall w Faith Posted October 7, 2023 Report Share Posted October 7, 2023 I've been to AA and online NA meetings and my experience (it's all I can speak of) is... AA was helpful for drinking. But no discussion really allowed pertaining to anything other than alcohol. I thought NA would be better for me, but I haven't found that to happen as of yet. I am still keeping the faith and shall not give up. I even tried an online Meth/Tweakers meeting, but it's just NOT the same. ADDERALL IS ITS OWN ANIMAL! Its recovery is like no other. I can totally relate to the problem of finding a therapist or doctor who truly understands. The fact is, like for anything else in life, you cannot fully grasp the severity, the feelings and emotions, the mental struggles, and everything that goes along with them UNLESS you have been through the same process yourself. I get that the steps are the same for the Anonymous groups, but in my attempts to quit Adderall, they didn't help. Giving up drinking, in my experience, was attainable even though at times it required using Antabuse (a drug that makes you quite ill if you drink on it), but at least there is SOMETHING to help get you started with alcohol abstinence. There is nothing like that for Adderall. Quitting alcohol after drinking heavily for years made me feel foggy, anxious, and confused for a while, but eventually (within the first couple of weeks/months) I began to feel more clear-headed and happier. I could function better than before. I cannot say the same about Adderall. I hate to see others going through this, but it's nice to have people here who can truly understand this devil drug. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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