one-day-at-a-time Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 I was on Adderall 30 mg and or Vyvanse 60mg for 10 years and went off of it after 2 months of tapering on November 27 2023. I'm really struggling with impulse control and wondering if this is normal at 7 weeks and when this will go away? I also have horrible anhedonia right now and generally feel horrible and have no energy. My menstrual cycles have totally stopped since I started tapering, with the exception of a one day period a little over a month ago. I am about to move in with my parents and taking a health leave from graduate school. I am looking for some online support if anyone is able to be here, I feel very alone and to say that each day is a struggle is an understatement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted January 14 Author Report Share Posted January 14 actually I think I figured it out. I've gained like 35 lbs over the last two months and this seems to be motivation enough to have self control. I was afraid to weigh earlier but yesterday did it and now I am very driven to lose this this weight as I feel awful. I think I just got confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krae19 Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 Congrats!! My last dose was November 17th 2022.. the first months are extremely hard. I still struggle with self control which I think is the hardest lingering symptom I have. I gained about 20 pounds since I quit. Working now on getting that under control but you do eventually gain your energy and motivation back but it takes time and you need to make it your number one priority to come off and stay off. Good luck!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted January 20 Author Report Share Posted January 20 Thanks! Congrats to you as well. Indeed, it is hell right now but I know if I can get through this literally nothing ever could be this bad again for the rest of my life. Sometimes I think of suicide but I am trying to stay strong and just make it through each day. I keep thinking of people who I love, including myself, who I hurt while on this drug and it brings me to tears. This drug should not exist. Not sure why anyone thought it would be a good idea to give to a 13 year old girl (aka me 10 years ago). I mourn the place I could have been right now if it had not been for this drug. Each day is so dark right now. wish me luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groundhogdaze Posted January 23 Report Share Posted January 23 Good for you quitting! I agree it should not be given especially to kids. I think we need a support group for this drug. Its a horrible scam that made a lot of people rich. Like the opioid epidemic. Hang in there. I’m only on day 4 and i can’t move. Took it for 24 years. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted January 23 Author Report Share Posted January 23 Wow, 24 years is rough, but you can do it! Some advice- make sure you take L-Tyrosine supplements and eat a high-protein diet-- these are things I wish I would have done as soon as I quit but did not realize would help until I had been suffering for weeks. Did you quit cold turkey? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groundhogdaze Posted January 23 Report Share Posted January 23 No not cold turkey. Ive been weaning off and on for years. Several times i got to 3 days and went back on it. I will try to pick up that amino acid amd will eat more protein. Thank you. Wish there was a 12 step group or something for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted January 24 Author Report Share Posted January 24 yah me too, I'm about to start a PHP rehab program personally and moving back in with my parents for a bit. Im trying to remember this will pass and I will recover. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groundhogdaze Posted January 24 Report Share Posted January 24 That sounds like a helpful plan. Were your parents the ones who encouraged you to start this drug?. Did you have trouble sleeping or with your sleep schedule when you first quit? I expected to be able to sleep better when I quit but last night I barely slept at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted January 25 Author Report Share Posted January 25 not really and no I didn't have any trouble sleeping. Some nights I have struggled with anxiety and existential despair though which can keep me up. I definitely struggled with sleep on the Adderall though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groundhogdaze Posted February 2 Report Share Posted February 2 Existential despair is torture. That's getting better these past two days. I'm on day 14. I figured out I am likely not sleeping well because I've quit clonopin after years of taking it to help with sleep while on Adderall. I got it down to very low dose but this could be cause of restlessness. I also increased ,dose of antidepressant snri which makes me feel restless and want to move my legs. Thanks for your reply. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted February 5 Author Report Share Posted February 5 the only way out is through Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groundhogdaze Posted February 5 Report Share Posted February 5 Good for you 10 weeks! I'm having trouble today. Craving sugar lately and body discomfort. It's 16 days fore, I think. I have tapered for past 8 years off and on, since I've tried to kick this over and over. This is the best I've done outside of when I went to treatment. I'm just ha.gimg on. I feel better though in some ways. Hands and feet not cold. Back doesn't hurt as much. Less depressed some days. Actually more productive if that is possi Le. Adderall stoped working for me these past 5 + years or more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 7 Report Share Posted February 7 On 2/5/2024 at 2:42 PM, Groundhogdaze said: Back doesn't hurt as much. I suspect the back pain is due to clonopin withdrawal. I used ativan and adderall together and that back pain was intense on the days I didn't take the benzos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one-day-at-a-time Posted March 8 Author Report Share Posted March 8 An update-- today I am at 102 days. It's been a roller coaster. I am losing the weight (currently 24 lbs away from the weight I was when I stopped) and anticipate getting back to my starting weight in two months if things continue to go well. Right now I am looking for simple work and my largest struggles are brain fog (though this is improving), horrible anxiety, insomnia, being highly socially awkward to the point where I mess up a lot in conversation and say things that feel like they don't really fit at times, and low energy/fatigue. At times, I have been getting very frustrated because I want to be doing so much more than is possible right now at this stage of recovery. I want to be out of my parents house, working an adult job with my degree, out meeting people and dating and living a normal life and going out with friends and not living like this. I feel so behind everyone my own age right now and fat and dumb and socially awkward. It sucks but I knew this was coming when I stopped. I know it will be worth it in the end and I don't have another choice if I want to have a real future. I really regret having allowed myself to gain so much weight during the first couple months but I am trying to remember I won't be like this for much longer if I keep up my diet and exercise regimen. Cravings are strong but they pass. The weight gain does trigger some cravings especially as I come out of the fog more and more and look down at a totally different body than the one I used to inhabit. I also get really worried and panic at times that I screwed up my life irreparably, especially during the later stages (last two years) of my use where I started to abuse Adderall to get shit done and be up for days at a time (in the last year of my use). A lot of what seemed sane to me on the pill, especially in the later stages, was totally insane and I burned a lot of bridges. These memories of the horror of my life on the pill and the terrible mistakes I made continue to keep me sober. Also, I can say with confidence that I would not be sober from this pill today or even alive probably without these forums and I am eternally grateful they exist. No one in my life really understands what I am going through. I would have given up on ever having a life off of this drug if I did not know that my current cognitive deficits and symptoms were a normal part of PAWs and recovery from this drug. My writing skills are still not what they used to be on the Adderall but I hope someone benefits from me sharing my experience. While I am still very early in my recovery, I can say for sure that things are getting better. Slowly, but surely. You get to a point where you feel amazing sometimes and it all feels so worth it and so right. Right now I am not having one of those days/moments but they are powerful enough to keep me going during these dark hours and days. I hope this made sense and I am sorry if it did not. I have horrible brain fog writing this but wanted to put it out there. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GettingOffOfIt Posted March 11 Report Share Posted March 11 On 3/8/2024 at 5:13 PM, one-day-at-a-time said: An update-- today I am at 102 days. It's been a roller coaster. I am losing the weight (currently 24 lbs away from the weight I was when I stopped) and anticipate getting back to my starting weight in two months if things continue to go well. Right now I am looking for simple work and my largest struggles are brain fog (though this is improving), horrible anxiety, insomnia, being highly socially awkward to the point where I mess up a lot in conversation and say things that feel like they don't really fit at times, and low energy/fatigue. At times, I have been getting very frustrated because I want to be doing so much more than is possible right now at this stage of recovery. I want to be out of my parents house, working an adult job with my degree, out meeting people and dating and living a normal life and going out with friends and not living like this. I feel so behind everyone my own age right now and fat and dumb and socially awkward. It sucks but I knew this was coming when I stopped. I know it will be worth it in the end and I don't have another choice if I want to have a real future. I really regret having allowed myself to gain so much weight during the first couple months but I am trying to remember I won't be like this for much longer if I keep up my diet and exercise regimen. Cravings are strong but they pass. The weight gain does trigger some cravings especially as I come out of the fog more and more and look down at a totally different body than the one I used to inhabit. I also get really worried and panic at times that I screwed up my life irreparably, especially during the later stages (last two years) of my use where I started to abuse Adderall to get shit done and be up for days at a time (in the last year of my use). A lot of what seemed sane to me on the pill, especially in the later stages, was totally insane and I burned a lot of bridges. These memories of the horror of my life on the pill and the terrible mistakes I made continue to keep me sober. Also, I can say with confidence that I would not be sober from this pill today or even alive probably without these forums and I am eternally grateful they exist. No one in my life really understands what I am going through. I would have given up on ever having a life off of this drug if I did not know that my current cognitive deficits and symptoms were a normal part of PAWs and recovery from this drug. My writing skills are still not what they used to be on the Adderall but I hope someone benefits from me sharing my experience. While I am still very early in my recovery, I can say for sure that things are getting better. Slowly, but surely. You get to a point where you feel amazing sometimes and it all feels so worth it and so right. Right now I am not having one of those days/moments but they are powerful enough to keep me going during these dark hours and days. I hope this made sense and I am sorry if it did not. I have horrible brain fog writing this but wanted to put it out there. Everything you are experiencing will pass. I wouldn’t trust any of your emotions for a while if I were you. They will be all over the place. You are through the toughest parts already. You are in competition with who you were yesterday. Just focus on beating that person everyday. You will still probably have a really bad day pop up here and there. It’s normal. Just do what you have to get by when you do and know that they will come less often the longer you get on your journey. Don’t let the bad days discourage in thinking you are going backwards. You aren’t. It is a part of healing. Just pop on Netflix when it happens and try to find something enjoyable to do. I would suggest you embrace ChatGPT while you are trying to recover. Put everything you write in there and have it critique you or make it more coherent. Have it check your work. Ask it for advice. Make it organize your tasks. Lean on it as a crutch for work and be thankful you decided to quit at a time when it is available. As for the rest just keep pushing through. You will see some big improvements soon. I’m at 26 months on my journey. best of luck 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Groundhogdaze Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 On 3/8/2024 at 5:13 PM, one-day-at-a-time said: An update-- today I am at 102 days. Right now I am looking for simple work and my largest struggles are brain fog (though this is improving), horrible anxiety, insomnia, being highly socially awkward to the point where I mess up a lot in conversation and say things that feel like they don't really fit at times, and low energy/fatigue. myself to gain so much weight during the first couple months but I am trying to remember I won't be like this for much longer if I keep up my diet and exercise regimen. Cravings are strong but they pass. The weight gain does trigger some cravings especially as I come out of the fog more and more and look down at a totally different body than the one I used to inhabit. I also get really worried and panic at times that I screwed up my life irreparably, especially during the later stages (last two years) of my use where I started to abuse Adderall to get shit done and be up for days at a time (in the last year of my use). A lot of what seemed sane to me on the pill, especially in the later stages, was totally insane and I burned a lot of bridges. These memories of the horror of my life on the pill and the terrible mistakes I made continue to keep me sober. Also, I can say with confidence that I would not be sober from this pill today or even alive probably without these forums and I am eternally grateful they exist. Hi how are you feeling now? I stopped on January 19 2024. I still have too much anxiety but I know part of it is the dage I did to my life while I was abusing Adderall. I also know that outside of this forum, no one understands what we are going through. At least not yet. Few people who have abused Adderall long term can even get off Adderall let alone stay off. So congratulations to you and all of us. I might go off coffee to see if it helps the anxiety. Hope you're well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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