Popular Post Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 24, 2013 Popular Post Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 You guys have been with me every step of the road from my depths of depression and desperation through nervousness and anxiety as I've tentatively approached the job market after my magnificent crash and burn a few months ago that was fueled by adderall. For those that are new here I'll just summarize in bullets: 40 years old, successful career in 4 different countries traversing industries but mostly investment banking/consulting Started taking adderall in 2009 for a variety of reasons, including weight loss, was doing two jobs (after collapse of the markets everyone was doing 2 jobs), thought it was a wonder pill Became immediately dependent. Work started to suffer after about 9 months on adderall, was erratic and overly focused on the wrong things, became super political and made bad judgments, eventually lost job in two prestigious firms because of this Most recent career move required 70-80% travel, which is where adderall addiction really took hold. After just 4 months on the job went from taking 40mg/day to up to 90 or 100mg/day. Started experiencing "late stage" addiction traits - sleeplessness, loss of motivation, severe introversion, eventually amphetamine psychosis and delusional behavior (was in another country when this happened which was even more weird). Got fired. Quit cold turkey on October 25, 2012 Hospitalized ~3 weeks later after I quit for attempted suicide (depression hit like a ton of bricks, I had no idea what I was in for really) Focused only on recovery from then on, and finding my way back to the job market Relapsed once for a job interview, didn't get that job Finally, was approached by a consulting firm and needed to go through a series of interviews and a case study for a role that only comes up once in a blue moon. Was shitscared, this forum was so helpful and gave me the support and confidence I needed. I remember SO much of the advice given here - way beyond the addiction stuff to real life advice. I'm pleased to say.... I GOT THE JOB! They called last week and let me know over 150 people applied for the position, and they were thrilled to offer me the job. They said they'd never seen anyone better in the case study!! Not only that, but I also was approached by and interviewed with another consulting firm and went through the whole case study thingy again, this time in a much more formal setting... I'm pretty sure they are going to offer - but I will turn them down. I got the job I want! It's not in finance (which I never was really in to anyway), it's for a firm I really respect and I was nothing but myself through the whole interviewing process. So, I really feel like I'm BACK! I am so glad to know I did this without adderall. I couldn't have imagined things working out better. I have learned so much and continue to learn so much every day through the awesome people on this forum, so if this were a real community and not an online one, I would take you guys all out for a drink and raise a toast to the team who got me through the hardest period of my life. I begin in April, so now am really motivated to get healthy, do my admin shit, the next chapter in this unfolding journey, and I honestly feel ready to face the next challenge life throws at me. I know this journey is a lifelong one and that I'll be faced with a whole set of new challenges in my "new life" with my new career, but I am just really grateful to have learned so much about myself. I will never touch adderall again. I honestly believe things have turned out for the better because I faced my problem head on and went through (and am going through) the pain of withdrawal and PAWS and recovery and all that shit. You learn so much about yourself when you discover what you're really made of. Oh, and cold turkey was the only way I could have done it. I know I never would have quit had I tapered. Thanks for hearing the diatribe, and here is to you, my awesome adderall quitting team! 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 I'm heading into work so not a lot of time, but I'm sooooooo happy for you! I knew you could do it, but now YOU know that YOU can do it, adderall-free. Sending you a virtual high five. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 Well damn girl.....if that isn't motivation I don't know what is!!!!!! YOU did it. They said YOU were the best for the job. They were thrilled to offer YOU the job!!!!! YOU are pretty great off them addies. You have carried on through the deep depression, the dillemas and the small relapse. You have rebounded with dignity,honesty and many kind words of advice shared from your own experiences and personal struggles...you read ,hear and pay attention to every detail of every post. You learn from us as we do from you, we've shared tears,laughs and a few what-the-fucks...probably more than any of us even know. You have succeeded so therefore I think we all do.. showing that good things are possible in a life absent of adderall. ..and that you relish the victory even that much more because the person you were always meant to be...achieved the brass ring. Because we all have one, and I will keep striving for mine thanks to friends like you....oh the tears,happy tears....MS. MFA,I am beyond proud of you!!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 Congratulations!!! This is wonderful news and I am so happy for you!!! Your story only makes me respect you more. Being on this forum for just a few months I feel like I know you and that was without knowing what type of work you do, your age and all the other stuff we get so bogged down with. It's crazy, here I am relating to people at the deepest level who I've never met. The wonders of tech... You deserve a major celebration - congratualtions again. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 MFA!!!! I am so thrilled and excited for you I am BEYOND WORDS!!! This is amazing news and the best part is that you did this all on your own, adderall-free, and YOU out-competed all those other people and scored the job you wanted!! You are such an inspiration!! CONGRATS! You deserve this! Time to celebrate your accomplishments, especially because they are ALL YOURS!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted February 24, 2013 Report Share Posted February 24, 2013 wooooooohooooooooo! I am so psyched for you!!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations MFA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Geez I am so aware of how tough those interviews are and wow holy geez cow what an amazing accomplishment! Adderall is SO WORTHLESS isn't it? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Congrats MFA! That is awesome news. You have accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. You should be really proud of yourself! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted February 25, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Awww, thanks so much guys. So much love from you all! You know what? There really is nothing quite like the feeling of accomplishment and getting your shit back together in a really tangible way after being totally disabled by adderall. If I can do it, anyone can. You just have to want it enough, and be patient. And forgiving of yourself. Someone said on here once, learn to accept that the shittiest of something is better than the best of intentions and no action. I think back to my first interview after quitting (about 6 weeks after) and I was a wreck. But with practice and patience and work, my brain is slowly coming back and so is my confidence. Of course none of it would have happened without this site. I've said it before and I will say it again - you people helped save my life. Literally. THANK YOU!!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cat Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 Congratulations! So happy to hear it, and thanks also for the recap of your story. Super inspiring. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 You guys have been with me every step of the road from my depths of depression and desperation through nervousness and anxiety as I've tentatively approached the job market after my magnificent crash and burn a few months ago that was fueled by adderall. For those that are new here I'll just summarize in bullets: 40 years old, successful career in 4 different countries traversing industries but mostly investment banking/consulting Started taking adderall in 2009 for a variety of reasons, including weight loss, was doing two jobs (after collapse of the markets everyone was doing 2 jobs), thought it was a wonder pill Became immediately dependent. Work started to suffer after about 9 months on adderall, was erratic and overly focused on the wrong things, became super political and made bad judgments, eventually lost job in two prestigious firms because of this Most recent career move required 70-80% travel, which is where adderall addiction really took hold. After just 4 months on the job went from taking 40mg/day to up to 90 or 100mg/day. Started experiencing "late stage" addiction traits - sleeplessness, loss of motivation, severe introversion, eventually amphetamine psychosis and delusional behavior (was in another country when this happened which was even more weird). Got fired. Quit cold turkey on October 25, 2012 Hospitalized ~3 weeks later after I quit for attempted suicide (depression hit like a ton of bricks, I had no idea what I was in for really) Focused only on recovery from then on, and finding my way back to the job market Relapsed once for a job interview, didn't get that job Finally, was approached by a consulting firm and needed to go through a series of interviews and a case study for a role that only comes up once in a blue moon. Was shitscared, this forum was so helpful and gave me the support and confidence I needed. I remember SO much of the advice given here - way beyond the addiction stuff to real life advice. I'm pleased to say.... I GOT THE JOB! They called last week and let me know over 150 people applied for the position, and they were thrilled to offer me the job. They said they'd never seen anyone better in the case study!! Not only that, but I also was approached by and interviewed with another consulting firm and went through the whole case study thingy again, this time in a much more formal setting... I'm pretty sure they are going to offer - but I will turn them down. I got the job I want! It's not in finance (which I never was really in to anyway), it's for a firm I really respect and I was nothing but myself through the whole interviewing process. So, I really feel like I'm BACK! I am so glad to know I did this without adderall. I couldn't have imagined things working out better. I have learned so much and continue to learn so much every day through the awesome people on this forum, so if this were a real community and not an online one, I would take you guys all out for a drink and raise a toast to the team who got me through the hardest period of my life. I begin in April, so now am really motivated to get healthy, do my admin shit, the next chapter in this unfolding journey, and I honestly feel ready to face the next challenge life throws at me. I know this journey is a lifelong one and that I'll be faced with a whole set of new challenges in my "new life" with my new career, but I am just really grateful to have learned so much about myself. I will never touch adderall again. I honestly believe things have turned out for the better because I faced my problem head on and went through (and am going through) the pain of withdrawal and PAWS and recovery and all that shit. You learn so much about yourself when you discover what you're really made of. Oh, and cold turkey was the only way I could have done it. I know I never would have quit had I tapered. Thanks for hearing the diatribe, and here is to you, my awesome adderall quitting team! So awesome to hear you so thirllled!!! i am so unbelievably proud of you!!! You are an inspiration! I can't wait to hear more oxoxxo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 25, 2013 Report Share Posted February 25, 2013 MFA- A new job....GOOD JOB!! You earned it...honestly....therefore you deserve it. I wish you good luck, happiness, and success. Thank you for sharing your life with this community. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev&Rush Posted February 26, 2013 Report Share Posted February 26, 2013 Inspiring. Thanking for being committed to yourself & for committing to sharing your road with us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 In my humble experience, I have to personally state that recovering from adderall addiction is unlike any other addiction out there. At first it is rough. My self esteem took a nose dive as my work ethic deteriorated right before my eyes. It's been 27 months and 20 days since I've been clean. Today, I have a new job and that was another tough challenge, but I got through it and I feel pretty confident in my abilities today. It was hard at first starting a new job after 5 years at my old one along with starting a new part in the industry I'm in. Now that I think about it, I spent the entire duration of my last job on adderall up until the last year. First off, Congratulations to you, Lil Tex for getting that new job. I wanted to respond to your post here along with MFA's good news about her new job last week. Dumping a job after five years is a huge life change and I am so proud of you for bettering yourself and your carreer. Second, I was interested by your comment about the uniqueness of adderall recovery. Other than nicotine, I have not experienced addiction and recovery other than from adderall. Even the recovery from nicotine is mild compared to this shit. I have always wondered where kicking an adderall addiction and its recovery fits into the bigger spectrum of all substances that cause addiction. Is adderall recovery tougher than alcohol recovery? How about benzos or painkillers? Is adderall easier to recover from than a meth addiction? Does it depend on the individual and how addicted they were to their drug(s) of choice? I dunno, is this worth discussing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 In my experience, quitting ritalin has been more difficult than smoking AND painkillers. For me, I prefer an upper to a downer but I suppose it depends on the individual. At a different time in my life painkillers allowed me to greatly extend the recovery period of an injury - my fear was that this addiction would go from pills to snorting to injecting and this fear is what drove me to stop. Pain meds were associated with bad things and once stopped I didn't think about them much and the longer I went without using them the less I thought about them. Ritalin was associated more with day-to-day living and enhanced performance. Even though I not longer buy into the big lie I still find myself trying to increase energy and motivation with supplements. I do believe though, that as time goes by energy and motivaton will come easier. I think a lot of these deficits are in my head to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted March 3, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 Other than nicotine, I have not experienced addiction and recovery other than from adderall. Even the recovery from nicotine is mild compared to this shit. I have always wondered where kicking an adderall addiction and its recovery fits into the bigger spectrum of all substances that cause addiction. Is adderall recovery tougher than alcohol recovery? How about benzos or painkillers? Is adderall easier to recover from than a meth addiction? Does it depend on the individual and how addicted they were to their drug(s) of choice? I dunno, is this worth discussing? I totally think it is worth discussing - I agree it's not even on the same spectrum as quitting nicotine, which is the only other thing I've struggled to give up, but I don't know how it compares to other drugs. I do poke around sometimes on some meth forums and it feels pretty similar to me, perhaps with the recovery period lasting longer, but I don't really know. Have any of us on here done meth as well as adderall, and can compare the difference? Honestly it just feels like a matter of degrees to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 I know watching and living with my husbands hardcore heroin habit ...he wasn't giving it up to.save himself or any of the rest of us. A prison.cell is what allowed him to quit...NOTHING ELSE. I'm not an opiate fan,I know they give energy to many people...not me...out like a light and queasy. As far as booze and benzos...they are the only two substances that can kill you during withdrawal. If you have a serious addiction to either...most opiate addicts use a transitional drug...suboxone(which is highly abused and bought and sold) or methadone...u have to go.somewhere every fuckin day to get off your drug...and actually just switching to another kinda legal form. Alcoholics in a.a have some serious time off the bottle..a lot of people and old timers who will live and die sober...you wont find that in N.A...no disrespect but you are hard pressed to find people with even 5 years clean. But in the end everyone I went to rehab with made a 4 day stop in the detox unit do to either opiate abuse or benzos.....NOT ME ...THEY HAVE NO DETOX FOR ADDERALL. WTF. so day one I was forced up at like 5:15 to do my chore..house meeting and get ready for an entire day of group...it sucked but I did it for 30 days. Every girl in the house of young adults. ..23 total ..would relapse. And quickly. They had detox....I would go on to actually get close to 4 years before fucking it all up again. It may not feel easier to quit sometimes...but I think in all reality it is. Tho the actually made in a trailer Meth seems quite the bitch toi .... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather67 Posted March 3, 2013 Report Share Posted March 3, 2013 FOLLOW UP TOO...I think if you're a true alcoholic its gotta be a bitch too because its so socially acceptable and readily available and rather inexpensive. If they sold addies with the lifesavers at the gas stations....would we all be doing as well as we are???? Hmmm??? Never thought of it that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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