Vyvanse + adderall for 5 years

[cb871004]

So this is my first time posting anywhere and decided, why not. Basically I've been taking anywhere from 120 to 200 mg of vyvanse daily with 10 mg adderall in between, anywhere from 2-5 of them. Whenever I run out I crash so hard until I get more, but this time I am contemplating quitting.

My tolerance has obviously evolved into an unmanageable addiction that controls my daily life. By reading various posts on here it has kind of inspired me to post somewhere finally and to hopefully gain some insight and/or advice.

I always know the day I'm going to run out and never ration my supply accordingly. I always say to myself 'I'd rather have a great day than a mediocre day' so I take enough to peak and chase that euphoric rush that I have grown to love. So I subsequently crash extra hard the day I run out.

Let me back track a bit. I have worked 7 days a week since graduating college to pay bills and basically pay bills. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 3 years and we have a house that we currently rent and are looking to buy soon. For about a year I was basically the only income and working 7 days a week to support us. The past month however she has gotten an awesome full time job that is going to allow me to finally take days off each week. I have relied on vyvanse and adderall daily to work where as it used to be that I would take it to enhance the pleasure I got from doing my hobbies like woodworking and mechanics.

Since I have basically been taking it just to survive each day it had gotten less pleasurable and more necessity. Once in a while I'll double dose to try and do one of my hobbies after work but that dose has little to no effect on me.

A typical crash of mine lasts 1 to 2 weeks with the first week being terrible. I literally almost fall asleep at work while programming and the moment I get home I instantly fall asleep on the couch. I am quite the joy to be around. The only time I get up is to eat as much as possible (compared to the barely eating once a day regimen) only to fall asleep again. This definitely has negative effects on my relationship and social standing. Yet I do this every time.

Around 2 weeks into my crash I almost start to feel better than get my script refilled and do it all again...

When taking vyvanse and adderall I smoke almost 2 packs a day and drink 6+ beers easily. When in crash mode I can barely stand the smell of smoke and drink only to cushion the crash. Just stacking addiction on top of addiction eh?

I've read various advise on how to deal with the crash but cannot ever actually feel better during mine. Anyone with similar regimens of work/adderall-vyvanse/crash have any helpful advice?

I even call my crashes vya-drawls to sound less pathetic/serious than a straight up withdrawal. I mean I can barely lift my arms at some points and I feel like I can only describe as an exhausted zombie that has been awake for weeks despite just sleeping for 12 hours.

I obviously can't do this up and down forever and just need to take an opportunity to finally kick my habit.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I look forward to any responses.

[Heather67]

Hey dude...welcome to the site...it is the bomb indeed. So you're lookin to let it all go....excellent choice and unfortunately there aren't many ways round the start of the quit...I had alllllll those things you described too ...and a husband a house and 3 young kids to handle...that was 2006.. I went to a 30 day rehab...so my kids didn't see the withdrawal ...but even staying clean for 3 years after...I'd have to quit again...2 months ago. Does your girlfriend know your problem and all its specifics???? That helps for sure...cuz yeah...you'd be booted to the lepper colony for sure if you started acting all withdrawal -y for what they thought was no reason. LOL better to stay quit too than to start again too. If you resign yourself to how you will feel and act....that really helps. Be o.k with being a slug as much as responsibilities allow...you know its to get to a better you son. So.please keep us posted on your process.and how you're doing.

[quit-once]

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Since I have basically been taking it just to survive each day it had gotten less pleasurable and more necessity. Once in a while I'll double dose to try and do one of my hobbies after work but that dose has little to no effect on me.

A typical crash of mine lasts 1 to 2 weeks with the first week being terrible. I literally almost fall asleep at work while programming and the moment I get home I instantly fall asleep on the couch. I am quite the joy to be around. The only time I get up is to eat as much as possible (compared to the barely eating once a day regimen) only to fall asleep again. This definitely has negative effects on my relationship and social standing. Yet I do this every time.

Around 2 weeks into my crash I almost start to feel better than get my script refilled and do it all again...

When taking vyvanse and adderall I smoke almost 2 packs a day and drink 6+ beers easily. When in crash mode I can barely stand the smell of smoke and drink only to cushion the crash. Just stacking addiction on top of addiction eh?

I've read various advise on how to deal with the crash but cannot ever actually feel better during mine. Anyone with similar regimens of work/adderall-vyvanse/crash have any helpful advice?

I even call my crashes vya-drawls to sound less pathetic/serious than a straight up withdrawal. I mean I can barely lift my arms at some points and I feel like I can only describe as an exhausted zombie that has been awake for weeks despite just sleeping for 12 hours.

I obviously can't do this up and down forever and just need to take an opportunity to finally kick my habit.

Thanks in advance for any advice. I look forward to any responses.

Adderall hell is a tough place to live in. Each crash gets harder and harsher than the last one.

So, it sounds like you have decided you need to quit and that is a huge first step. Where are you now in your cycle - about to run out or freshly refilled? I have a souple of suggestions. First, list all the awful things about your adderall hell. Next, list the things you still like about tweaking. Do the negatives outweigh the plusses? If so, then formulate a written plan to quit. Is there any reason you desire to continue using it indefinately? If so, you might not be ready to quit. Seriously quitting adderall usually begins with breaking the supply chain, in advance, of your next refill date. Good luck.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I obviously can't do this up and down forever and just need to take an opportunity to finally kick my habit.

Welcome to the forums. Good idea to take the opportunity, that's what we're all here for - to help you as you do! You have to do it yourself first, though, take the first step towards your recovery. Quit-once's recommendation is a good one, and I'd echo it. When you're going through withdrawal having that list beside you is really important so you are not tempted to relapse.

Let us know how you go...