Addicted for 5 years, clean 5 months

[nra104]

Hi there, I started recreationally taking adderall in high school, and it continued through college. I was taking it for school i said to myself, but it destroyed me. I would take it, smoke cigarrettes and drink about a liter of vodka.. I was physically and psychologically addicted. Withdrawlls would send me into an anxious psychosis, sometimes resulting in scary visual hallucinations, and almost always auditory hallucinations.. It sent me to the hospital twice, once while i was in guitar class, the paramedics said that I almost had a stroke. My blood pressure was extremely high even after the 40 min it took the ambulance to get there, I was dizzy, couldn't stand up, could barely see because everything was going dark, and my heart was pounding. Also once when I was so excited and anxious to get some from a friend, that I didn't pay attention while taking a turn in my car, hitting another car and sufferred a blow to the head and got staples.

As a recreational drug user I have plenty of experience with most drugs, but in my experience adderall or speed as i call it, is the most dangerous. Sometimes it's hard to remember what its like when I was taking adderall all of the time because I don't know that person. That person was confused, willingly self-destruction, wasting all of her potential, pathetic, dishonest, cold, emotion-less, and WEAK. There is no way that any relationship I had while I was on speed was going to last very long, I didn't care about anyone but myself.

I am now 22 years old and have been clean for 5 months, which is the longest I have ever quit for. I'v tried to quit so many times, and for years I would still do adderall knowing that I hated it. I never gave myself enough time to recover from the effects of adderall, after I would "quit" I would tell myself that life sucks without adderall too so it didn't matter if I kept on taking it.

Everyday is still a psychological struggle, I think about it, i hear about it (because im still in college and people are constantly talking about it) and so some part of my brain still wants it, but I tell myself everyday that I can do this, I can beat it. Since becoming clean I am so much happier, I feel like myself ! And, as it turns out, I actually enjoy school ! In comparison to before quitting when I hated schoolwork and would tell myself that I needed adderall to keep me on track. I get better grades without it, I look better (even though Iv gained weight but im taking baby steps), and most importantly I feel better about myself and everything else.

I have been re-born and I find that it's almost my duty now to warn others of the dangererous effects of adderall.

[ddw5053]

Dude Im going through alot of same things although I never drank that much vodka and had the heart problems that you did. I am still in college and it sucks with the psychological struggle you have day in and day out. Its like your brain is always saying you could get so much more done on adderall and you still worry you may need it again. So Im right there with you & lately since being off of it I still study and retain the information much better. My grades are so far about the same if not better its literally just the psychological mindstate we all have to get past. Glad to see your grades are better and you seem to be reborn thats exactly what Im going for this time. I went three months at the end of my last semester without it, but by the end I told myself it wasnt the adderall it was me. And I convinceed myself I just need self control. So I started this spring semester taking two a day but was still having the same side effects and feelings of unhappiness. Now Im on about a month this semester without it & Im studying like crazy & not worryin about not having adderall to study. So Im like fuck that it is the adderall no more excuses!! I never wanna go back to that shit

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Awesome stories to read, especially one after the other like that. Stay strong, it's hard. It's funny, when I was in college we didn't have adderrall, we had no doz, which is basically a whole load of caffeine if I remember rightly. I really feel for college students these days, the pressure to outperform on everything, be effortlessly good looking, always on with no downtime due to mobile technology places just an incredible amount of pressure on you. College is always a tough transition as you're learning how to be a "proper adult" (hopefully), but nowadays the competition and pressure just seems out of hand.

Stay strong!

[LILTEX41]

You my friend, are an inspiration! Wow, I can relate to so much! I went to the ER twice because of adderall and ran into a median going 50 miles an hour..blew out all four tires and would've slammed into someone else had anyone been near me.

To say that we are alive and beating this thing today is a miracle, MIRACLE! I have my ups and downs since I quit too, but reading stories like yours always makes me want to keep pushing forward and makes me remember I don't ever want to go back to that hell.

Thank you for sharing and way to go!!!