Before, During, and After Adderall

[quit-once]

I am currently going through the process of refinancing my home. I have lived in the same place for about 15 years and I have refinanced three times now. Can't afford not to when interest rates keep dropping and dropping. The first time I refinanced (about ten years ago) it didn't seem like that big of a deal. This was before adderall entered my life. The second time I refinanced, about 2.5 years ago, it was awful. Every step of the process was stressful. I just couldn't seem to pull it all together at the same time. Things dragged on and on. Interest rates went up about a half point while I floundered. The entire process took well over two months and in the end I wasn't even sure I had done the right thing. I couldn't even get my shit toghether enough to clean up my home for the appraisal. This took place in the later stages of adderall addiction. It left such a nasty taste that I really had no appetite for ever doing it again.

Today I had the appraisal done for the current refinance effort. My place wasn't spotless, but it was at least clean and the major things were put away. I worked on cleaning up until after midnight yesterday, but I only spent one evening on it, and a couple of hours this morning. I kept thinking "do it fast and do a shitty job; just don't get hung up on the silly things" And when my time limit was up, that was it and it had to be good enough. Every other step of the current process has been totally painless and not stressful at all. I would like to credit the banker, but they have all treated me about the same in each refinancing effort. I believe it is the lack of drugs in my system that has simplified every aspect of just living my life.

My point is this: The only time refinancing was incredibly stressful was when I was on adderall. It makes me wonder how many other things were needlessly more complicated and stressful and depressing while going through life under the influence of that stupid drug. All the time thinking my "tool" was "helping" me.

Oh well, live & learn.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

Thanks so much for sharing, QO. It's funny, you're on here every day helping others, giving wise and insightful commentary, practical suggestions, comical rhetoric etc. It's unusual to hear your own stories and I like it!

I think it's really cool when we realize that life is actually easier and more do-able without adderall. I'm finding that myself, too. Lots of little things each day that I avoided like the plague while I was on adderall because I got so confused with the simplest mental tasks.

Tomorrow I have a whole ton of financial stuff to take care of that honestly I haven't looked at in over a year. And you know what? Although it's going to take a lot of concentration and mental organization to do it, i'm not anxious, I'm just looking forward to getting it in order and having one more thing crossed off the list.

[LILTEX41]

That is so freaking awesome! I know what you mean. I am so happy for you!

[Cassie]

I refinanced my house off adderall too and the paperwork probably took less time than it would have all jacked up. On the flip side, I did all my husband's immigration paperwork on adderall (which was way more crap) and I don't remember it taking that long...but I do recall obsessively checking my work over and over and over again...

There was a period on adderall where I didn't open my mail for like, a year. A year! All my bills were auto-paid, so I didn't get into any trouble there, but all these other pieces of mail just stacked up on my counter. After a couple months of neglecting the mail, I became scared to open it, so I just kept on accumulating it in this huge overflowing pile on the counter like a goddamn letter hoarder. I was SCARED. OF THE MAIL.

I also developed phone phobia during this time. I became terrified of talking to people on the phone, despite having spent the last six years working in...wait for it... PHONE SALES! I remember once having to call a bank to transfer an old 401k and it took me hours to muster the courage to do this ridiculously mundane thing. What will I say? Will the bank call center person like me? Will she think I'm stupid? Will she know I'm high? Damn, I was a mess back then!

[quit-once]

There was a period on adderall where I didn't open my mail for like, a year. A year! All my bills were auto-paid, so I didn't get into any trouble there, but all these other pieces of mail just stacked up on my counter. After a couple months of neglecting the mail, I became scared to open it, so I just kept on accumulating it in this huge overflowing pile on the counter like a goddamn letter hoarder. I was SCARED. OF THE MAIL.

I had the same experience with my mail, Cassie. I'm not sure if I stacked it up for an entire year but I know there were several times I would have a pile of 6-9 months worth of bullshit mail that I just didn't want to deal with. I remember the "mail triage" where I would set aside the bills and everything else went into the pile on my kitchen counter. For months and months.

You know what else always piled up? The dishes. All I had to do was put the dirties in the dishwasher but I couldn't be bothered with that menial task. I would fill up the sink and kitchen counter with dirty dishes until there were no more clean ones to use. Then, it would seem like an epic achievement to clean up the kitchen! Laundry was the same way. But since quitting, I have never really struggled with either one of those basic household chores. I sure don't miss all those adderall-induced handicaps.