ADDLawStudent Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 I'm trying to quit adderall after using it for nearly three years. I have a little over a month left of this semester and I've decided to give it a go without adderall. The article listing the 7 characteristic traits of adderall users describes me with complete accuracy. Despite being an average student I have done very well in law school. However, I do not believe I would have done nearly as good without adderall. I hate reading and have trouble sitting still. Adderall makes these problems disappear. I don't believe I'm actually addicted to adderall because I only need it when I study. My main concern is that I'm not developing the skills and discipline I will need in my profession after I graduate. I do not plan on using adderall once I graduate but I'm scared I won't be able to focus and excel in this profession without it. In other words, I'm using adderall as a bandaid to get through law school. Also, my personality has changed and my relationship with my wife has taken a backseat to law school. I'm definitely not the fun person she met in college. I'm unsocial and fairly reclusive (which isn't uncommon for law students). However, I believe these issues have more to do with adderall than the normal stresses of law school. I've been off adderall for a week now and haven't been able to read or study worth a flip. I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven't even started on. My personality and normal sleep pattern has come back but at the expense of studying. When I sat down to study today my mind was scattered and I almost popped an adderall so I could get some work done. I can't decide whether I should tough it out or try to quit in the summer. I decided to quit while I was in class this semester instead of trying to quit while I'm working this summer. My work will involve the same type of setting that I currently use adderall for. I don't want to quit in the summer and be worthless at work. The articles on this website say to get through the first 30 days as best you can. This is hard being in law school because I have to sit down and think analytically every day. Since quitting a week ago I've shown up to every class unprepared and just hoped I wouldn't be called on. I've missed a couple classes because I just really didn't want to go. Any advice? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted March 18, 2013 Report Share Posted March 18, 2013 You've shown up to class unprepared? You have a paper due tomorrow that you haven't started? You missed classes because you didn't feel like going? Hey, you sound like a typical grad student with typical grad student problems. If you start losing confidence in your abilities without adderall, then you have atypical grad student problems. Don't go there. The more you rely on adderall, the less you rely on yourself and the more trouble you get into. Good for you for making the right choice. Just hang in there. You will do FINE without adderall. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 You sound like you are really having an internal dialogue with yourself about this, and it is understandable. How many semesters till you graduate? And then you will probably want to take the bar, and go through your internships with ease, etc etc. I guess all I'm saying you've said yourself - there will always be a reason you think you need adderall. Unfortunately for you you haven't experienced law school without it, so you don't know what the "natural" you is capable of in this setting, which must make you more hesitant to quit. What I'd advise is for you to come up with a plan for your quit. There's never an "ideal" time (except maybe the summer), but you need to be prepared mentally and psychologically (and physically) for what adderall withdrawal and recovery takes. It's a lot more than you will hear about, it's much more than "2 weeks" like everyone says. If you've been taking it for 3 years I'd expect full recovery will take you a while (I quit 5 months ago and although I was taking more than you, I did have a very high-stress senior job) and will surprise you in many good and bad ways. You need to be prepared to be able to navigate the path to recovery and manage all that stuff going on at once... school, your relationships, job applications etc. I hope this doesn't scare you - I just want you to be successful in your quit and make sure you've been realistic about what a successful riddance of this drug will require. Thanks for posting here and we welcome you on the forums. Not surprisingly, there are lots of lawyers here 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Nobody here will tell you that quitting adderall is easy. Especially when you have things to accomplish and you need to figure out how to get them done all on your own. Especially when you're used to depending on a mind altering drug in order to concentrate and think analytically in the way that you're used to. But, lots of people on here have quit successfully during school or in a hardcore job, so you're not alone. It IS doable. You might already know this: adderall + grad school = a road to hell on earth. It seems great at first, like a secret weapon. But grad/law schools put more work on you than you can possibly accomplish. They do this intentionally. To see how far they can push you. It's a high-pressure, competitive environment that generates collective anxiety everyone seems to buy into. Adderall helps you put the pressure on yourself. It gives an artificial edge. And it promotes anxiety, especially work-related anxiety. The thing is that adderall makes you believe that you can somehow accomplish the unrealistic work load they ask of you. That you can get through reading EVERY LAST SENTENCE before class. Does it actually work? Can you actually get through your entire work load on adderall? Maybe you are one of those people who can, and if so, then I admire you. Maybe it's just my program, but I'm pretty sure nobody can actually get through every single thing assigned to them. Well maybe some of them can, but if so they must be taking NZT-48 (drug from the movie Limitless.) When I was taking adderall, I was convinced everyone else was accomplishing EVERYTHING. But now that I'm off of it, and I'm not reaching for those unattainable standards, I'm realizing that a lot of other people aren't reaching for them either. We're just doing the best we can. Even on adderall I never could get through my whole work load every week, not even when I was taking insane amounts of it daily, and constantly "busy" working 12-14 hour days. Yes, I got through more than I do now.... a whole lot more, and I miss that sometimes. But I also got too bogged down in small details....and eventually I started getting really scattered. It started preventing me from using time efficiently, because I'd spend way too long on one task. I'd also submit everything late. (Which I still do now that I've quit, so there's not much difference from the outside.) It seems to me that handing some things in late in grad school is pretty normal. It's known that the work load is heavy, and that quality takes time. So, that's one strategy. Things are going to take you longer, especially at first, but you'll still get them done. Find a way to submit some things late. Going to class unprepared? Yeah, that was really scary at first. You'll figure out how to balance it out. You'll have to find a new definition of what being prepared means. For me, on adderall it meant having attempted to closely read every last word of the thousands of dense pages I'd been assigned, then being so overwhelmed by information I couldn't even speak in class. Now, it involves skimming, giving a quick close reading to what's most interesting to me (all of this within time limits of course), and guess what? I have a lot more to say in class now. A lot of students do after quitting. You'll also find that quitting benefits you socially. And your social connections are just as important professionally as getting through that assignment. Quitting adderall will help you with both, though the latter is less obvious at first. Other strategies: Skim your readings, except those you need to know REALLY well. This is what most "normal" people do. (You DO NOT need to know every single thing in depth.) Work in 20-minute chunks. (Or 5-minute chunks. Whatever.) Take notes in the margins as you read. It helps you retain the information. Move your pen along the page as you read the words Take lots of naps, then work right after the nap. Find your best time of day and take advantage of it If you have even the slightest bit of motivation to do something, TAKE ADVANTAGE Take pride in everything you do on your own Talk to your professors. Connect with them in general, ask questions, go to office hours. This can be especially helpful if you're struggling with a class. Spend some time focusing on friends and social life (not at the expense of school, but in balance--a balance adderall takes away.) Make plans with people, have social time, connect with new people, whatever. This is important not just for your own happiness, (which you're going to need to work hard to build and maintain,) but also to help you learn new coping techniques for school. It will help you see that not everyone is taking adderall, and not everyone is accomplishing everything the way they seem to be from the outside. Any others? EDIT: One more thing! You hate sitting still, have you tried setting up a standing desk? You don't HAVE to sit while you read. Standing is better for your back. Sitting all day is bad for everyone. Or, try bringing a book to the gym. Me, I like to hula-hoop while reading. Or, just exercise until exhausted, so that sitting still and reading is kinda nice. Just keeping things mixed up is key. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 How do you hula-hoop and read at the same time? That's insane!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 How do you hula-hoop and read at the same time? That's insane!! It's all practice Motivated by the the fact that I hate sitting still! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 I wish I hated sitting still. The hula hoop and reading paints a funny picture to me....do what ya gotta do! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADDLawStudent Posted March 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks everyone for the advice! I should also add that I don't have the pressures of trying to find a job when I graduate. I'll be working with my sister in my father's law firm. As such, grades are not as important compared to not having a job lined up. Essentially, I just need to survive law school. I started law school as a full-time student but quickly switched to part-time out of fear. I'm about to finish year three with one more year to go. I don't necessarily take adderall so that I can read every word in my assignments. I take it because it makes me enjoy the otherwise dense and boring material. It also helps me concentrate in class even though I'm not an auditory learner. Without adderall I have no desire to read and I cannot focus in class to save my life (maybe just withdrawals?). On the bright side, I did write a 4-page paper today in about 2 hours without adderall (although I really wanted to pop a couple pills). When I'm on adderall I have trouble writing because of all the unimportant rabbit trails I pursue. I spend hours researching when I could be using my time more efficiently. I saw a special on tv the other day where a doctor created a desk on top of a treadmill. Not a bad idea! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted March 19, 2013 Report Share Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks everyone for the advice! I should also add that I don't have the pressures of trying to find a job when I graduate. I'll be working with my sister in my father's law firm. As such, grades are not as important compared to not having a job lined up. Essentially, I just need to survive law school. I started law school as a full-time student but quickly switched to part-time out of fear. I'm about to finish year three with one more year to go. I don't necessarily take adderall so that I can read every word in my assignments. I take it because it makes me enjoy the otherwise dense and boring material. It also helps me concentrate in class even though I'm not an auditory learner. Without adderall I have no desire to read and I cannot focus in class to save my life (maybe just withdrawals?). On the bright side, I did write a 4-page paper today in about 2 hours without adderall (although I really wanted to pop a couple pills). When I'm on adderall I have trouble writing because of all the unimportant rabbit trails I pursue. I spend hours researching when I could be using my time more efficiently. I saw a special on tv the other day where a doctor created a desk on top of a treadmill. Not a bad idea! You sound like you're all set and in a good place to quit! Low pressure, have a job lined up, part time classes.... sounds ideal! Also great job on that essay!! How many days clean are you? Honestly, it sounds like your inability to concentrate on your readings or listen in class without adderall is at least in part withdrawals. It takes time, but the ability to focus DOES come back. You are not illiterate. (I am still figuring that out about myself, almost 3 months in! LOL!) Part of the purpose of adderall, from a dr's perspective, is to help train your brain, so that when you come off of it, you can focus without it. Maybe that will happen for you too! I did hear about the doctor with the treadmill desk. It makes perfect sense! Bringing a book to the treadmill, or stairmaster, or elliptical, or whatever, does help me focus. Anyway, congrats on your decision! Hope to see you around here more often! This place is a lifeline for many of us 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADDLawStudent Posted March 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2013 Holy smokes this week is harder than last! All I want to do is watch tv...and sometimes I'm too impatient to even watch tv. This website has definitely been a huge help, though! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted March 27, 2013 Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 The school post is such a beacon. I'm terrified to start back up in school. Luckily I guess I have to wait for residency to kick in. I have the smarts but school is rough! I did so well and now focusing on anything is virtually impossible. It's true Adderall makes you late on everything. I've obsessed and ended up butchering quite a few assignments trying to make them "the besteverdefinitelygettinpublishedforthisgem" and not turning them in period. And neglecting my friends, people who needed me, as well. It seems adderall addiction is common amongst the law and med school set. Sucks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 It seems adderall addiction is common amongst the law and med school set. Sucks. Guess what happens when law and med (and MBA) students graduate? Lawyers, doctors, traders & bankers addicted to adderall. It's everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted March 30, 2013 Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 I'm pretty sure my doc was. I like the guy though. He means well. Weird right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADDLawStudent Posted April 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 I don't feel like I'm addicted to it. I feel my condition is more of a dependency. I've only used it twice in the past month to help finish a couple papers. With that said, I have no idea what's going on in any of my classes. Life is better, but I'm definitely struggling in my classes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 18, 2013 Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 Addiction starts with dependency. Be careful, it's a slippery slope that is not worth the risk. Facing addiction is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I hope you choose to not continue chancing it. Best wishes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 I don't feel like I'm addicted to it. I feel my condition is more of a dependency. I've only used it twice in the past month to help finish a couple papers. With that said, I have no idea what's going on in any of my classes. Life is better, but I'm definitely struggling in my classes. I dont know what to say. Only that i used to tell myself that ALL the time. not addicted just dependent. ALL the time. Anyway i ended up in rehab for addiction, so.... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted April 20, 2013 Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 I said the saaaaaaaame thing. Then my hair started falling out. Not being melodramatic, that stuff is horrible in the long run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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