Calo Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Hi. It's taken me so much just to get to this point, the point where I admit I have a severe effing problem. I am 30 and in the process of weaning, because I have managed to thrash my system rather soundly by eating pills, as prescribed and all and am rather ill. I've cut from 40 mgs, 2 20 mgs a day for the past 2 1/2 or so years to 10 mgs 2x a day for 2 weeks and now at 5 mgs once a day for the past 2 days. I had 1/2 a pot of coffee and a monster mini can and this is the second 2 hour stint I've been awake in the past 24 hours. I feel like dogshit and I kinda hate everyone. Its been a garbage year but back to the ill part, and why its taken me so long to admit its a problem, I am a perfectionist. And adderall made me perfect. I got suuuuuper thin( read 5'5, 110, and toned, sooo kinda like skeletor with a fake tan and long hair) I mean I was hot, oh! and smart, genius style. I went back to school, my logic for taking them, and was getting a 4.0 etc, and then I got sick. First lethargic and acne, and weird rashes from my tanning shennanigans and fragrances, and then the flu, and then bronchitis, and then mono. I started constantly feeling cold and having blue fingers and toes, so what did I do? I bought a mini heater to drag around....cuz that's normal. And then my hair started falling out. It changed texture and snaps off at the slightest provocation. It's gone from almost waist length dark brown glossy awesomeness (I have always had a thing with my hair, don't judge!) to above my shoulders and firmly under a hat cuz its gross. I had my thyroid checked out during the mono sitch, levels are well within normal, soooo its probably time I admit no its not some mystery ailment, its that I brought this upon myself by being an insecure spaz with illusions of grandeur. I googled adderall side effects and after some weird and crazily biased sites stumbled across this one. I don't have health insurance. I recently moved to escape the unhealthy situation, the story is worse and a lot sadder but would take forever to get into fully and I'm working on the perfectionist thing. I am definitely hellbent on quitting after reading all the stories on the site. So hi folks, I look like hell and feel worse, now what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Welcome! It sounds like adderall is especially bad for your health. The sooner you can get off the pills, the sooner your recovery process can begin. You have come a long way by siimply acknowledging that it was/is the adderall causing all of your health problems. You have come even further by finding this web site and writing your first post. Congratulations on your decision to quit! You can now begin to look forward to better health and a lifetime free from addiction to stimulant drugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Hi. It's taken me so much just to get to this point, the point where I admit I have a severe effing problem. I am 30 and in the process of weaning, because I have managed to thrash my system rather soundly by eating pills, as prescribed and all and am rather ill. I've cut from 40 mgs, 2 20 mgs a day for the past 2 1/2 or so years to 10 mgs 2x a day for 2 weeks and now at 5 mgs once a day for the past 2 days. I had 1/2 a pot of coffee and a monster mini can and this is the second 2 hour stint I've been awake in the past 24 hours. I feel like dogshit and I kinda hate everyone. Its been a garbage year but back to the ill part, and why its taken me so long to admit its a problem, I am a perfectionist. And adderall made me perfect. I got suuuuuper thin( read 5'5, 110, and toned, sooo kinda like skeletor with a fake tan and long hair) I mean I was hot, oh! and smart, genius style. I went back to school, my logic for taking them, and was getting a 4.0 etc, and then I got sick. First lethargic and acne, and weird rashes from my tanning shennanigans and fragrances, and then the flu, and then bronchitis, and then mono. I started constantly feeling cold and having blue fingers and toes, so what did I do? I bought a mini heater to drag around....cuz that's normal. And then my hair started falling out. It changed texture and snaps off at the slightest provocation. It's gone from almost waist length dark brown glossy awesomeness (I have always had a thing with my hair, don't judge!) to above my shoulders and firmly under a hat cuz its gross. I had my thyroid checked out during the mono sitch, levels are well within normal, soooo its probably time I admit no its not some mystery ailment, its that I brought this upon myself by being an insecure spaz with illusions of grandeur. I googled adderall side effects and after some weird and crazily biased sites stumbled across this one. I don't have health insurance. I recently moved to escape the unhealthy situation, the story is worse and a lot sadder but would take forever to get into fully and I'm working on the perfectionist thing. I am definitely hellbent on quitting after reading all the stories on the site. So hi folks, I look like hell and feel worse, now what? Hey there. Health problems are a great reason to quit. Sort of the reason i quit.I too was suffering from random pimples that never went away and blue fingers. Oh the blue fingers. I should upload a before and after picture of my hands. They were so scary. 99.9% of the time they were blue or purple. NOT NORMAL. When you quit that will clear up. I understand the desire to stay adderall skinny. That was the hardest part for me. But you can be thin without the help of some pills that are destroying you inside and out. Are you ready to give up the pills? That's the first step. Then flushing and never turning back. I know it's scary and overwhelming, but it's that or watching yourself and your heath unravel. xo 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted March 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 The health part does suck. I am ready it just sucks being so, so tired. And I hate being fat. It's a shallow concern but so is the major reason for quitting, I want my hair back. Plus I know better. That's what makes it so embarrassing. It isn't the first time. Happened when I was in HS too, only I was prescribed Dexedrine then. I figured it was that I was young and stupid about it and with an adult mentality things would be fine. Well, I was super wrong and this time I've gone and gotten myself sick. IDK on flushing them. I should. It's just so final. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted March 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 Also, does the blue fingers thing go away ever? It'd be nice not to be so cold and deathly looking. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAM Posted March 27, 2013 Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 One of the best things about quitting adderall (and consequently gaining a little weight) this winter, is that my fingers and toes aren't f-ing freezing all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted March 27, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 That's a plus. How long does it take? There doesn't seem to be a concrete Google answer as most would have you believe Raynaud's is "rarely" a side effect of Adderall. I already have to squeeze into my "fat pants". I'm just so bummed. My life is in shambles and while it isn't all the fault of drugs, I have come to accept that it hasn't helped at all. The depression isn't being helped by the fact that in addition to all my stupid problems a very good friend of mine committed suicide this weekend. Not because of meds, he was just sad I guess. I feel so horrible because I've been worried about this and he never said anything at all that would indicate there was a problem. I talked to him Friday and he was asking when I'd be down to visit again. I said I wasn't sure, in my head scared to go back because I didn't trust myself not to go to my doctor. I've got to go back for his funeral. It's such private stuff, I feel weird telling strangers, almost like talking to the air, but I'm cold, and I'm sad and it all seems so inadequate a description. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Searchingsoul9 Posted March 27, 2013 Report Share Posted March 27, 2013 That's a plus. How long does it take? There doesn't seem to be a concrete Google answer as most would have you believe Raynaud's is "rarely" a side effect of Adderall. I already have to squeeze into my "fat pants". I'm just so bummed. My life is in shambles and while it isn't all the fault of drugs, I have come to accept that it hasn't helped at all. The depression isn't being helped by the fact that in addition to all my stupid problems a very good friend of mine committed suicide this weekend. Not because of meds, he was just sad I guess. I feel so horrible because I've been worried about this and he never said anything at all that would indicate there was a problem. I talked to him Friday and he was asking when I'd be down to visit again. I said I wasn't sure, in my head scared to go back because I didn't trust myself not to go to my doctor. I've got to go back for his funeral. It's such private stuff, I feel weird telling strangers, almost like talking to the air, but I'm cold, and I'm sad and it all seems so inadequate a description. I was diagnosed with reynauds a few months ago. I always had a mild case, but the adderall made it SO much worse. They gave me nitro paste, which dilates the vessels or something. It works alright. But the best cure was quitting adderall. My hands got better within 3 weeks. Now they are never purple or blue. Sometimes they still get white and numb when i am cold, but not all the time like it was on adderall. They were even purple on hot summer days when i was on addies.I still am struggling with accepting that i will have to work to stay thin now. It was SO easy on adderall. Just pop a pill and don't eat. Even though i gained some weight upon quitting, i look so much younger. I mean, i am only 20, but i was looking rough on adderall. So that's a plus. Try not to think too much about the weight thing. Would you rather let the pills ruin your health/looks? Eventually it wont keep the weight off you anymore and your metabolism will be wrecked forever. You will feel so much healthier and stronger without the pills. i really do completely understand the weight issue though. I too am squeezing into my jeans and feel horrible some days, but exercise will fix that for us both. I am very sorry to hear about your loss. That is a crazy horrible thing to deal with. I know we are all just strangers behind computer screens, but you will find this is a very caring community and it can help you tremendously if you let it. xox Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted March 28, 2013 Report Share Posted March 28, 2013 Hi, wow adderall's really done you over. Like QO said, it sounds like adderall and you really don't agree. It's strange how many side effects you were willing to put up with for the supposed gain you got from it. We have all been there. I can't talk a lot about the blue hands thingy, but I can talk about hair loss. I had it bad, my hairdresser thought I was really sick. I started taking biotin and it's helping, but slowly. I've been clean about 5 months. I think it's going to take a year or so to get back to normal. Stay close to us and let us know how you're doing. You can do this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted March 30, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 You think the hair will come back? Oh, I flushed the pills finally. Its really bad cuz my main thought was damn, those were expensive. I looked at my perscription and was like hmm I wonder if I could,like, return these and get my money back? Like its a bottle of 1/2 used perfume or something. Yes, these are the conversations I have with myself these days. I swear I am not this dumb normally. That was the selling point for flushing them though, I can't afford to be this dim witted. Natural selection will end up getting me before adderall does.How do you start exercising? I'm not being funny either. I moved the recliner and coffee table to do the Kinect workout and then went back to lay down. I'm pretty sure that doesn't count. In serious news his wife got back so it's been set up, Chris' funeral is on Tuesday. I waffle back and forth between being really really sad and really really pissed at him. I wish he was here so I could yell at him for leaving, but I'm pretty sure he'd yell at me for this pickle I've gotten myself into. Thanks for the support. Its weird but it really does help. How'd I end up so reclusive that there is no one I have in my life I can talk to about this? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted March 30, 2013 Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 Good job!!! I think the hair and skin will repair after the quit. Biotin also helps. Your health is a great reason to quit and whatever brings you to that point is a wonderful thing. I thought the same thing about flushing the pills so I had to laugh -- how much $$ am I flushing down the toilet ?!?!?!?!?!? This will be the best investment you have ever made! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted March 30, 2013 Report Share Posted March 30, 2013 Calo, I think your hair will come back. Mine did, even with a little less grey color. Not sure that an exercise program will be very easy to follow during the first few months post adderall, but if you can do it it will really make you feel better sooner. Just do what you can when you feel like it. Too bad about your friend and his demise. One of my best friends died while I was still taking adderall. I delayed quitting for a few months because I actually had about three deaths of close people in my life all within a month. Please be prepared for experiencing some extreme depression during this difficult time. Have you tried the amino acid L-Tyrosine? It is a natural mood elevator. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 so if you can look beyond poor photo quality -- here's my hair 3 months after quitting. Not bad eh ?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 Beautful, Lea! Afraid mine's not quite so healthy yet. Then again, you guys all know about my shitty diet... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted March 31, 2013 Report Share Posted March 31, 2013 MFA -- I love your new pic ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 1, 2013 Report Share Posted April 1, 2013 Your hair looks great! It's amazing how much healthier and thicker your hair gets when quitting. If it affects your hair that much, just imagine the damage it was doing to our overall health. Yikes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted April 13, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 I'm alive. Still no meds. Idk why but for whatever reason I've been in the best freakin' mood all day today. (Not to be confused with energetic, still taking naps a lot)Didn't really want to get on here prior to that, too tired and depressed. I didn't want to discourage anyone from quitting, and I've been a rather unpleasant person. Buuuuut today I laughed, like a lot. And for no particular reason. Just feeling giddy and silly. Being on Adderall makes you forget how much fun being ADHD is. It's not like I got a whole lot accomplished towards the end anyhow, too much time spent making lists and plans and and plaaaanning for how I was going to do something. I know I'm still a long way from right, but getting just a little of my spark back feels epic. I had to buy new pants. That's unfortunate, but idk if I'm imagining it but my hair feels softer almost? Not breaking out nearly as bad either. I've modified my diet as well. Not sure if I should try the tyrosine. Been eating all kinds of fish and eggs and vegetables and healthy stuff. Maybe diet is the ticket? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 13, 2013 Report Share Posted April 13, 2013 I suggest you try the tyrosine. It is a harmless anino acid that will elevate your mood and curb the depression. It doesn't work for everybody but it sure works for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted April 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 Ughhhh. I got one day of a little ok ish. No idea what I did differently but it was the only time. I'm fat, exhausted and depressed. Days like today make it really hard to remember why I quit. Mostly I'm just pissed off. I can't see the picture and I'm bummed. What if I've permanently aged myself? My hair is stupid short and life blows. Annnnd that's my rant for the day. Also been taking tyrosine and I haven't noticed anything other than a headache. Thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 18, 2013 Report Share Posted April 18, 2013 did you take the tyrosine on a very empty stomach? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 19, 2013 Report Share Posted April 19, 2013 Ughhhh. I got one day of a little ok ish. No idea what I did differently but it was the only time. I'm fat, exhausted and depressed. Days like today make it really hard to remember why I quit. Mostly I'm just pissed off. I can't see the picture and I'm bummed. What if I've permanently aged myself? My hair is stupid short and life blows. Annnnd that's my rant for the day. Also been taking tyrosine and I haven't noticed anything other than a headache. Thoughts? Hang in there calo. It does suck but you are doing good. Later on you will never want to relapse just knowing you would have to quit again and go through this hell AGAIN. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted April 19, 2013 Report Share Posted April 19, 2013 Calo I'm glad you posted about your frustrations. I expect you'll have days like this for a really long time, so getting used to them is part of recovery. Sorry to rain on the parade but as you normalize it is a bitter pill to swallow that actually having fat days and shitty days and exhausted days is... ummm... part of life. If you aged yourself, well there's nothing you can do about it now except make sure you don't age yourself any further. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calo Posted April 20, 2013 Author Report Share Posted April 20, 2013 Uh no. Why? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.