3 months off and picked up a script for wellbutrin.

[Sebastian05]

hey everyone. I'm 3 months off of 10-20mg a day after about 4.5 years use of adderall.

while i'm happy i'm off of it...i'm still really suffering with depression.

the depression kicked in pretty hard after i stopped taking adderall.

i feel like it may SLIGHTLY be getting better but im nowhere near happy.

im just so sad all the time. sad and miserable.

my anxiety had gone away for a while, but now it comes and goes. sometimes its just so so bad.

i fall asleep at nights and then crash hard and deep for a few hours and it feels so good, but then im just awoken with anxiety.

so i'm sitting here with a bottle of a week's worth of wellbutrin (doc wants to start me off at 150mg a day and then boost me to 300mg after that).

Thats the reason i only have a week's worth filled because i told my doc that if 150mg works, then i should just stick with that instead of getting my body used to a heavier dose.

I guess we'll see how it goes. Right now, after adderall, im just so scared to take any meds.

I've read a lot on the internet about how wellbutrin is almost like a methadone for amphetamines and that it has really helped people pull out of depresssion.

Here's the thing. I'm so sick and tired of feeling depressed and unmotivated about everything. At the same time I'm also just dying to feel happy again.

I'm just petrified at the notion of going on another med and then really struggling with withdrawals.

im open to all your opinions.

i think im going to start the wellbutrin, but im just really scared to.

i just want you guys to know that i visit this site multiple times a day. I really wish there was a section where people have posted about complete recoveries....where people have gone back to being normal happy people. i really need to see that to have hope that i will one day be okay again. that i will one day be happy again.

i was getting in my car yesterday to go to work and there was a cold chill to the air and i couldnt help but think how much i used to love that brisk feeling of cold air in the mornings. how i would slightly crack my windows as i drove to work with a steady cold stream waking me up and making me happy.

i'm just drained. im dying to feel good again. i hope to god every single day that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[ashley6]

Sebastian,

There are stories where people have gone back to normal. There are stories that I define as success stories on here a lot, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen without some struggle....look at InRecovery, quit-once, Cassie, LilTex to name a few that have a lot of time under their belt. It's a new normal, but it doesn't mean it's any less good than the "normal" before adderall. You seem to spend a lot of time worrying, I do too, so no judgement there at all, but I think anti anxiety and anti depressants can be really helpful for that. They have helped me. Best wishes.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I'm glad you bit the bullet and got the script. Now you have to just be faithful and try to see if you feel better with the medicine and therapy. Worrying isn't going to help change the past, it's only got the potential to damage the future. I know you can't tell a naturally anxious person to stop worrying, or a naturally depressed person to get happy. But if you can just try to be patient with yourself, this is a phase and you will pull through.

There are some terrific stories here of people who are doing ok. But one thing you obviously know yourself, as a sentient human being, is that no-one's life is that perfect. If you're looking for something from a movie or TV, you'll know we are all failed people who are trying to make it work. Life is messy, we have ups and downs, we have good days and bad. That doesn't mean we haven't recovered fully; it means we HAVE. We embrace life in all its chaos as opposed to adderall-fueled zombieland that is not life.

[ashley6]

MFA,

I wanted to include you in that last of people who have made this recovery thing work. There are many of you, I just feel like I really know you. Weird maybe. You've accomplished so much in 6 months, and I'm so proud of you! Sebastian, if you want an example of a success story, read just a couple of MFA's posts.

[LILTEX41]

Sebastian,

Just hang in there buddy. It is truly finding a "new normal" like Ashley mentioned. It's been 28 months for me and I am still in the process of figuring out my life without Adderall. I think that whatever will help you stay off Adderall right now is a great idea. Maybe you won't need the wellbutrin down the road, but for now it might at least help you get through the transition period of a life without Adderall.

To be honest, the one thing I find challenging in sobriety is keeping organized and tidy. I used to love that with Adderall I could clean like crazy and that always made me feel better. Today, I actually had to force myself to clean because I have friends coming in town next weekend. As I was cleaning my patio I totally got triggered as it reminded me of my Adderall induced Nazi cleaning episodes. I thought about how easy it would be to clean so effortlessly, but then I had to remember all the bad things associated with it...like being a chain smoker, staying up 24/7, having psychotic breaks with reality, hair falling out, being paranoid around people, and actually being friends with ex-cons. After cleaning today, I do feel better and know I need to do this more often to be happier.

So I guess what I'm trying to say..is life off Adderall is by no means easy, but at least you have life in your future that you will be able to sustain in the long run. Over time, it will get easier and easier as you adjust to living without Adderall. But it is a process!! And do not worry right now if you feel like crap and are struggling. That is totally NORMAL!!! Your wonder drug is gone and now you have to pick up the pieces of what is left (a WONDERFUL human being) and figure out how to live without it. Give it time and just know that you will find your swimming legs again. Just don't give up!!!! Never ever give up!!! Keep moving forward, and do whatever you need to stay afloat right now. If that means taking wellbutrin, then by all means, take it my friend.

[ashley6]

LilTex,

I completely agree with you on the cleaning thing. I had to do that yesterday, because my parents are coming in town. It was triggersome (I made that word up), but that was one thing I loved about adderall too. But really when I look back, towards the end of my adderall binges, I was a slob. My room was a complete mess. It was obviously a sign of what was going on internally....pure insanity.

[lea]

Sebastian -- I'm glad you filled your script. Read all internet reviews with caution. Wellbutrin is a medication that's been around for decades, studies have been published in peer reviewed journals, you know the drill. Depression is a chemical imbalance. It is similar to type II diabetes in that there is a nature vs nurture component -- it's biological but can be brought on by environmental factors -- like abusing your body with adderall and then shocking it by stopping. You may have been depressed before and part of adderall abuse was masking it -- a lot of people are but the important thing for now is that you need to feel better.

Like Type II diabetes, depression may require meds at times in your life but this does not mean that you will be on them forever. Depression remits with diet, exercise and lifestyle -- this has also been studied and published in peer reviewed journals. (Caveat -- I'm not a doctor -- just an obsessive compulsive researcher on things that interest me -- so take my advice with a grain of salt too -- well, not with the salt, lol )

As you know I take wellbutrin and have no problem with it but that's me. I've been taking it for years and have no intention of ever stopping but that's me too. I'm older than you and perhaps slightly less idealistic. You sound like an awesome dude with a wonderful career and the fortitude to have persevered this far into a very difficult quit. You deserve to be happy!

[olivia115]

I also just got a script for bupropion (the generic form) because I have dysthmia. This was probably a problem before i got an adderall rx, and most likely exacerbated my addiction. I don't know if it's the "methadone" for amphetamines, because I definitely don't feel the way I did on adderall. I'd say once you have it for at least two weeks (because it does take some time to have an effect) it makes you feel less negative about things. You don't feel euphoric like you do on adderall but you feel a little less weighing you down I guess. Even four months after quitting and having adderall out of my system, I used to have a really hard time getting up in the morning, I just felt so apathetic about everything and unmotivated. This med doesnt make you jump and feel motivated and happy like adderall might have, but it sort of dulls that negativity which for me has been immensely helpful. For about a week I felt sort of numb to a lot things and that was sort of worrisome because I don't want to be numb to the world, but after a few weeks things balanced out and now I feel a little better. It's an improvement. I havent noticed many side effects other than a slight tremor in my hand (more my left than my right). My next appt I'm going to ask my doc if this will subside after a while or if maybe I need to try something different. I've also read the generic sort of loads your system too quickly and that the extended release is a little better so maybe that'll solve it. Either way it's help me in terms of not letting my self-destructive thoughts get in my way as much as they used to...if that makes any sense?